To the Bluebird who Flew Up to My Window

Life is crazy and beautiful, ugly and joyful, all these emotions all in one day.  This afternoon I was sitting in my reading chair with my fire going, hot chocolate in hand, feet propped up reading A Severe Mercy.  I was trying to regroup, because I had gotten pretty upset angry because Jude had gotten poop in several spots on his carpet.  To make a long story short, he has no accidents- ever- unless its naptime.  I was pretty mad.  I needed the time to cool down and regroup.  Self care.  And I was doing just that.

I had just read this quote (which is actually by poet Sarah Williams) in the book:

"We have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night"

I was pondering about how that could change my perspective.  How yes moments with toddler antics are really, really frustrating.  The emotions can consume you, make you question your sanity.  But the stars, the stars!  There in toddler insanity there are stars.  There is no dark place we can go that we don't have the light of Christ's presence.  No dark place we can go where we can't see His gifts, his minute by minute Joy Dare as Ann Voskamp calls it.  

And I began to be thankful for this moment.  1.  The fact that my child was now asleep in his bed.  2.  That I had hot cocoa and marshmallows in hand.  3.  That my feet were propped up.  4.  That I was in my favorite chair, reading.  5.  That I was beginning to feel the peace of deep breaths wash over me.  6.  That my imperfections as a parent are just growth opportunities.  7.  That my God is faithful to turn my ashes and imperfections into something beautiful.

And then, I heard a noise at the door.  A rapping on the porch.  I thought it was my rose bushes at first, but the noise wasn't at my window.  I turned.  I looked.  And there flapping right up to my backdoor window not 3 feet from where I sat was a bluebird.  Brilliant feathers looking me right in the eye.

I grabbed my camera and I snapped and I thanked God for this moment.  8.  For bluebirds at windows. 9.  For cameras to capture the memory.  10. For the reminder that all is grace and grace is everywhere.  11.  That spring is coming.  12.  That God loves me and never fails to show me.

I took my camera outside and continued to snap.  13. For a warm breeze.  14.  For sunshine.  15.  For grass beneath my feet.  16.  For the view from my lens.  17.  For the opportunity to continually chase the Beauty of this world if I will only stop and breathe and watch.

And when he sings to you, Though you're deep in blue, 

You will see a ray of light creep through, 

And so remember this, life is no abyss, 

Somewhere there's a bluebird of happiness. 

Life is sweet, tender and complete, 

when you find the bluebird of happiness. 

• - Bluebird of Happiness, lyrics by Edward Heyman & Harry Parr Davies, 1934