Blessing Pouring Down like Rain

David and all the Israelites were celebrating with all their might before God, with songs and with harps, lyres, and tambourines, cymbals, and trumpets. ~1 Chronicles 13:8

This verse has changed my life.  It's amazing to me how God can speak so intensely to your heart through sometimes the most normal of verses.  But this verse stopped me.  I had so many thoughts.

* What would it look like to celebrate with all my might before God?
* How excited do I really get about what God is doing in the world around me?
* Do I even have my eyes open to pay attention to what he's doing?
* What must David's heart have been like to be this way?

If there is one word to describe how I imagined David, it was joy.  Joy before the Lord.  Joy of the Lord.  Joy because He's in God's Presence.  Pure joy.  I realized how much expectation I have that joy come because I enjoy my job.  Or joy come because Jude is behaving well.  Or joy because Jimmy and I go on a really great date.  Always conditional.  Conditional joy.  Except the only Biblical condition of joy is God's Presence.

Well that's everywhere.  God is in and within everything.  During every circumstance.  Without condition.  Without exception.  So what am I doing wrong that my joy is based on conditions?

So I began to pray a pretty simple prayer- "Fill me with the Joy of the Lord.  May your Presence be my JOY.  May that be the only condition for my Joy.  May I be as excited over You as David was."

God has answered that prayer!

Almost immediately.  I have only prayed that prayer (daily) for I guess the last 2 or 3 weeks, but I have noticed a Huge difference in my perspective, my attitude, and honestly my discernment and perception of daily occurrences.  I literally feel like I am bubbling over.  The proverbial cup?  It runneth over y'all. I am blown away by the goodness of God, His love for me, and how His Presence and Hand are literally on me and my life!  How did I not see that each second dripped of Him before?  "One thing I do know.  I was blind but now I see!" ~ John 9:25.  I see His hand now- everywhere- all the time!

This has changed everything.  Everything.  I am overcome with my blessings.  I am praying as we speak that the Lord will recall them so I can share some with you.  But believe me, they are beyond count.

Today I went to work up in my new classroom.  I was going back and forth loading and unloading my car.  One of the custodian ladies was in the hall cleaning.  I stopped and chatted with her about being new, having taught in Denton, etc.  Her English wasn't very good, but we were able to get the gist of each other so to speak.  I went on with cleaning my room, and was getting hot, so I wanted to find the coke machine.  She was still in the first grade rooms, so I asked her.  She told me it was really expensive (like $2.50) and so I was just like oh bummer and put my money away.  She went and bought me a bottle of water at Walgreens down the street!  I don't even know where to start with this.  She wouldn't let me pay her back.  She's a custodian.  And an immigrant, so it's not like she has extra money.  I was completely humbled by her kindness.  And all from a 5 minute conversation.  She taught me so much today.  You never know how much the 5 minutes you spend with someone will possibly mean a lot to them.  I was completely blessed by her today.  And judging from the way she hollered down the hall "Ms Ashley, Ms Ashley!  Have a good weekend!" I feel like she was blessed by our conversation somehow too.  Only God could use 5 minutes for His glory!

Or how I signed up for this mug swap I mentioned a few days ago.  There were 800 people who signed up.  And we were randomly assigned.  I didn't give any information about Jude or my marriage or relationship life when I filled out the form.  Just gave some style hints like being eclectic, nature lover, stuff like that.  YET GOD had his hand in the girl whose name I got.  He paired me up with a young, single mom.  A young single mom whose going through a really rough time right now.  A rough road that I've already walked down.  Y'all I can't even wrap my MIND around this.  The odds of this are clearly slim.  But God.  But God works all things according to His will.  And His will is that His hurting children know His love.  His uses us, His body, to reach out.  And He literally handed me this opportunity, against all odds (except there are no odds for God) on a silver platter.  I can't do anything when I think about this except worship God with all my might.  I just can't.  JOY.  Pure Joy.

And so many more.  My new school is so many, many blessings.  Such a positive, excited vibe from everyone.  I'm blessed to form new relationships.  I'm amazingly excited about 1st grade.  I just get this feeling that I'm really going to do well here.  I went to some 1st grade math trainings this week, which were so encouraging.  I feel so much more capable of taking on a new grade.  And I'm excited about it!  And while I was there I learned that another school near me hired a new 1st grade teacher also.  This school was closer to me, and I certainly prayed that a door be open there.  But the door didn't open until after I was at Savannah.  For me this was a gift in two major ways.  One: it confirmed for me that 1st grade is really where God can use me best this year.  Kind of like I would have been in 1st no matter what if that makes sense.  It encouraged me in feeling qualified to be a good first grade teacher.  And it also encouraged me that I was at the right campus.  (at this point, I hadn't gotten up to my school to really meet any team members)  It encouraged me because if I was supposed to be there I would have been.  But I know God.  And I know He has a reason I'm where I am.  It just really made me feel assured of my decision.  

And all this was before I met my amazing team members.  Or learned that the first day back, we break into teams to do a CRAZY town wide scavanger hunt.  Think something you would do with Young Life.  Hilarious.  And this year- costumes are required.  Costumes to do things like have 3 team members take a picture next to a corvette.  Or find an Elvis record.  I can't even wait!  

And then there is the daily miracles of seeing this amazing little boy in my life.  And getting to watch how much Jimmy and Jude love each other.  And how they verbalize it.  I don't have words to describe what it does to my heart to watch their relationship develop.  I really don't think Jimmy could love on Jude much more than if he were his.  What a godly man!  But you know God loves us like that- through taking on loving something that was separate from Him.  

There are everyday miracles.  Everywhere.  All around you.  But the thing is, it's God's hand that you are seeing and feeling and experiencing.  He is so good and loving.  And He's there.  And my heart dances in my chest because I can't quite figure out how to contain HIM and the JOY HE IS.

Linking here today

Materialism + the Gospel = ???

The harvest is plentiful and the workers are few....

This weekend my church had a Missions Conference.  In case you didn't know, I have a thing for missions....  here and here and I know there is more but I never remember to tag these posts.  I have a thing for missions in all ways, but my #1 love is the persecuted church.  Or persecuted woman.  And incidentally those go together often.  In my dream life, I work in North Africa or some Islamic Meditteranean country with women.

Anyway, last year I wrote this which highlighted my decision to focus less on materialism and more on the eternal.  I have spent the last 6 months really considering each decision I make with my money very carefully.  Not that I have cut back everything, but I have been able to save more and in turn managed to fit sponsoring a child into my budget.  (incidentally that has been a phenomenal daily lesson for Jude).

However, last night, while listening to Dr. Stanley Toussaint, I reexamined my heart regarding this.  He was highlighting the verses from 2 Corinthians 4:7-10 where it talks about how the gospel is the treasure within us and how we are merely jars of clay.  In many ways he reordered my thinking on these verses, but he said something that given my attempts to leave materialism, really struck me.  He said that carrying the death of Christ in our bodies as vs 10 talks about isn't a call to inflict suffering and do without material things but more a recognition that we should be suffering rejection because of Christ.  More of a as they hated Christ, they will hate us thing. (matt 10:22)  And he also said that anytime you see someone who focuses on giving up, you will often find pride and a critical spirit.

And I am so guilty of that.  Maybe it's because I live in Texas which is both full of many, many Christians who also happen to be very well off.  And I have a definite disdain for the way Texas is full of people who fill pews every Sunday and then spend more money than you really need.  And even my typing of that is critical.  And I wonder how many of them are really living as "the called out ones" who are trying to change the world and how many of them just feel good about themselves in their comfortable Christian lives.

So all that to say, somehow I've got to reconcile these two thoughts and reach a place of humility about this.  Because I don't want a critical spirit.  But I also think that sharing the gospel is the only thing of true worth for the Christian.  So I ask you, how do I make sense of this?  How do I live for Christ and the gospel without idolizing materialism but also not idolizing rejecting materialism?  What really is the call for the Christian in a world with more than enough and how do I really reconcile these ideas?

I would really really love your comments on this one, because I honestly am not sure what this should look like.

The Great Sacrifice

First off- I need to figure out what to do about google adding me into "screwed over because I've used 1g of storage" list.  Any advice on that is appreciated.  Boo!  The above picture is one that happens to have been uploaded into my google plus account, but honestly.  I have no idea how to work computers.  So here is a random one from this spring.

Second- today I will just be honest and say I've struggled with a lack of peace.  It's related to absolutely nothing- which is typically the case with me.  I just struggle with anxiety sometimes, so I've been trying today to just remember to refocus on Christ.  The amazing thing about today was that God was so faithful to allow my kids to just be pleasant albeit crazy because it's close to Christmas.  It really was a good day, I just felt the old familiar anxious tension in my body.  I read a couple blogs today that reminded me that this is not my home and that I am seeking peace in Christ alone.  Which always helps.

Third- I finished 2 Timothy this weekend.  Here are the verses that most stuck out to me:

2:9 But God's Word is Not Chained (I am called to live the gospel daily.  I have no idea the eternal ramifications of what I say and do.  That is both humbling/scary and exciting/humbling.)

2:14-16 Warn them against quarreling about words... Present yourself to God as one approved... Avoid godless chatter (makes me question some of the doctrine arguments that plaque the church, and makes me wonder about godless chatter and how much I waste my time with silly, mundane things that just don't advance the gospel or bring God glory...)

4:6 For I am being poured out like a drink offering... 

4:17 But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and ALL the Gentiles might here it. (Oh praise the one who promises such great things.  And that I get to experience the divine Presence in my life!  Christianity is such a blessed amazing life)

I have had a lot of thoughts on Christian life since I guess I started 1 Thessalonians.  I haven't really gone into them, because they seem so controversial almost.  But I am going to go ahead with some things I've been thinking here tonight.

I wrote a blog post a couple months back while I was in Leviticus called Chasing the Fire.  Leviticus was completely transformational for my life in the sense that saying things like "my life is a sacrifice for Christ" actually meant something.  So many Christian colloquialisms easily become trite.  Leviticus put some of those into a raw perspective.  When Paul refers to himself as a drink offering, that is a Levitical reference.  This was poured onto fire and consumed.  It was raw and painful and involved death of something.  Today we are freed from the law, but the sacrifice is still raw, painful, and involves death.  It's just the death of us.

And in America, what are we really putting to death?  How are we really being poured out?  We live in the most blessed country in so many ways.  We want for very little.  Even our secular Christmas stations tout gospel references for the entire public while even the Christians spend exhorbitant amounts of money on gifts none of us need.  Drink offering?

According to The Joshua Project there are close to 3 billion unreached people in the world.  Unreached does not mean non Christians.  That means they have never heard the name 'Jesus'.  While we sit here and listen to What Child Is This on your Christmas station, they have never heard anything at all about it.  Ever.  All these beautiful people in the world.  And they've never heard.  This comes down to about 7-8k people groups.  That's really not a lot.  I mean in America where millions of Christians go to their snazzy megachurches while driving their BMWs and sipping their lattes, there are 8,000 people dying to hear.  Surely if we megachurch attenders got together we could find enough people to go, right?

I understand that there is a need for Christians in places like America to fund missionaries.  I do.  But I have to ask myself, should there really be a shortage of people willing to pour themselves out raw unto death to share?  8,000 doesn't seem like it should be that hard to reach.  Yet we aren't anywhere close.

Churches love to discuss what spiritual gifts really mean, and how to be a better father, and how does the church interact with politics.  Those are all fine things.  But are they prompting us to pour ourselves out as a drink offering for a world that's dying?

To be fair, I don't think you have to move to Iran to pour yourself out.  But I do think all of us could look at our lives and question the excesses.  All things are loss compared to the surpassing knowledge of Christ.  And while I certainly believe that God is sovereign and can call people to all nations and purposes as He chooses, I have to say, there is definitely a need in the American church at large for true frantic-ness for getting the gospel to all these people.  Or even just a frantic-ness for our own country, sometimes our own churches.  There are lots of hurt, dying to know people that needa drink offering sacrificed for them.

Here is a really good blog about this topic as well.

I am also a huge huge fan of Voices of the Martyrs.  They send out free publications.  I can honestly say I wasn't mission minded prior to getting those.  They have completely changed my perspective.  And I just feel like God continues to redefine and refine my desires and my views on missions.  But that's a post for another day :)

I don't know what this looks like in your life.  I don't even know what it looks like in mine, except that I am growing ever more burdened for the people of the world, realizing that the Christian life is a lot more than my cute new boots and my cute new journal. I know that my life is meant to be poured out- in some way.  The question is how does God want to pour me out for the gospel?  I do know this, wherever the Lord directs me and whatever He asks me to do, I am willing to be sacrificed.  And I reckon thats a good start.

How do you think God wants to use you to reach the world?