Ghost Jude

Ghost Jude from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

April 10

Stealin and Drinkin

Stealin and Drinkin from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

April 6, 2011

More vday vids

More valentines from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

Punk Rock Jude

Punkin It from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

Jude On a Boat

Jude's on a Boat from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

Jude's funny phone convos

Haha... Jude's conversations from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

GoGoGo

Go Go Go Go from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

Epic Snowfall- Toddlerhood

Snow 1/9/11 from Ashley Doner on Vimeo.

Spring

Spring Break has been gorgeous in the DETX. Ironically as I type this, we are expecting snow in the next 24 hours. Go figure. However, we did have some nice outside time with Jude. He laid on a blanket in the shade while mom and dad weeded. He spent most of the time trying to eat the wind which is his typical outdoor activity.

Earlier this day, I put Jude in his swing while I made coffee and breakfast for Michael. I put on our Baby Einstein dvd just to entertain him for those few minutes. He thinks it is H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.

Scremo

Jude has a new vocal talent. I know, I know. You're like vowels and consonants already. What more can this kid do with his vocal cords. A lot I tell you. He can scream. Not the typical baby scream because he's upset. This is an 'I love the sounds I can make on my own. Screaming is so cool and hilarious. I want to grow up and sing like Robert Plant and my daddy and be a total rock star.' That kind of screaming. It's hilarious. I think he is either going to bust out with a Tarzan scream or the Immigrant song in the next few days.

Future Scremo Rock Star

Jude's First Cereal

This past Friday, we went ahead and gave Jude his first rice cereal. He was 4 months and 2 weeks. Originally, we were going to wait until 5 months even though the doctor gave us the go ahead. We figured since there's no proof it helps him sleep through the night, who cares. (And it did not help him sleep through the night. Still up at 4 thank you.)

The past week though he has just wanted to eat for 40+ minutes each time. It doesn't feel like a growth spurt because he isn't fussy. His growth spurts mean he will scream and cry if you make him stop eating. It hasn't been like that. He's just hungrier. I figured we would give it a try.

So Friday night, Michael and I went on our big weekend outing to Target and bought bowls, spoons, and baby cereal. We opted for the organic brown rice. Brown rice is healthier and if he is going to have anything that is not breast milk, I'd prefer it to be as healthy as possible. And can I take a moment to vent about the lack of 1) strictly gender neutral and 2) boy/girl specific dinnerware. Everything at Target was a combo of both boy and girl colors. How annoying is that! I do not want pink and purple bowls for my son.

So we decided to give Jude his cereal after his bath in case he would sleep through the night. That was a mistake. He was a mess! I really didn't think he'd go for it because I've heard that the first cereal can take some getting used to for babies. Not for Jude. He went to town on it. Crazy enough he had eaten a full 20 minutes before the cereal. He made a huge mess with the whole spoon thing. Amazingly though, the next night he was a near pro. I can't believe how fast babies learn!

He likes it though. He prefers to breastfeed 20 minutes before the cereal though. And he wants to breastfeed 20 minutes after the cereal. That's a lot of food before bed, and you'd think he wouldn't be hungry the rest of the night. That hasn't happened yet though. It has however helped him with his day feedings. His 5-6 ounces of breastmilk per feeding seems to be enough again.

Based on what my doctor said, we can start adding another feeding every week or so. I don't think we necessarily will. We are just trying to follow Jude's clues as to when he needs more. There's no sense in overfeeding him just because we feel the need to introduce solids. Plus, the American Pediatric Association or whatever it is actually recommends solely breastfeeding for the first 6 months. If he didn't eat a full feeding along with the rice cereal, I don't think I'd be ok with it.

It's amazing all the decisions you have to make while parenting. How do you ever know what's right? The scary thing is we haven't even gotten to the tough decisions yet....

Video

Random

Here are some videos of Jude unrelated to any real topic if you are interested.

Hiccups

Relaxing

Playing

Little Chatter Box

Jude is a ridiculous chatterbox. I'm not sure he's really ever not talking. For example, when he wakes up in the morning or at night, he just lays in bed and talks and giggles. Not really ccry mind you. Just talks and laughs as if to say haha mom I'm up already. Come get me please. I'm ready to play. He's been talking a ton since before Christmas, but it just seems like every week he's adding more and more sounds to his 'vocabulary'. Since about the middle of January, I've noticed he's been adding a lot of consonants specifically. At first it was just all vowels. I guess he's got his vowels down now though. He started with a /g/ and /k/ sound. He's since added a lot of /b/ sounds with occasional /d/ and even /th/. Pretty interesting.

When we went to the doctor, she said we could expect consonants to creep in to his vocabulary at around 6 months, so I guess he is ahead of the curve when it comes to talking. Note- I'm not trying to say my son is amazing and advanced. Just that talking is his thing and I think Michael and I are in for a very interesting road to say the least. If we have a child who is ahead of the game with talking at 4 months, I can only imagine the delightful sounds he will fill our house with in months to come.

I'm picturing the little boy from Jerry Maguire who is constantly talking from the backseat...

Talking away

Talking with consonants

Rolling- a look back

Jude rolled this week. Of course when he did it the first time, I didn't get it on video. I did the next day though. Awesomeness.

I was looking back on my videos from last weekend when I was desperately trying (in vain) to catch that first roll. It's just amazing how these little babies learn new skills daily. Every week looking back on Jude, I feel like he changes so much. So many of these changes just blur together week after week. How can anybody keep up with changing this much, as well as all the other day to day things!

My little froggy boy getting ready to roll...

So proud because he finally did it!

Here are some video links from last week through me actually catching his roll on video:

Feb 27

Feb 27

Feb 28

March 4

confession

I have a confession to make. I can't be everything I need to be. I know, I'm not supposed to be perfect. It's just I'm having such a hard time keeping up with everything like I should. Not to mention the energy.

Teaching is one of those jobs that can take a lot out of a person. It takes a lot of time to plan quality lessons and analyze them so you can go back and help the children who are more behind. I love what I do. I love my kids, and it's important to me that I do my best job for them because, quite literally, their futures depend on it. They say it can take a child 3 years to recover from a poor teacher. I'd hate to think I set someone up for that type of recovery.

This was exhausting enough pre-motherhood. Now it just makes things so hard sometimes. I miss out on so much with Jude as it is. We spend, at best, 5 hours a night together. In reality, its more like 4. He's a really easy baby, but he's still a baby and he needs things nearly constantly. I love taking care of him because I miss out on so much, but it means I get nothing done in the evening.

This is where I'm starting to feel guilty. I'm a terrible wife. Between work and spending time with Jude, I cannot seem to find the time to do things around the house. I wish I had the energy in the evenings to clean up at least one room or dust or something, but I really just don't.

After Jude goes to sleep, I shower, wash all his bottles and my breastpumping supplies. I pump a little before I go to sleep. By then its 10-11 and I'm dead tired and I go to sleep. If I don't go to sleep then, I'm exhausted for the day what with his 3:30 feeding and my alarm going off at 5am.

I've always been one of those clean freaks who really gets off on having everything in order. It's driving me crazy that I can't keep up with it all. I feel so guilty because I just feel like I'm dropping the ball with some of my duties. I know that this is the 21st century and Michael can help and he does. I still feel like its my responsibility though. And I can't keep up with it.

The only way I can is to let Jude play by himself. He is fine with it, but I become consumed with a guilt of letting him grow up without spending time with him. I feel guilty when I don't clean and I feel guilty when I do. It's terrible. I just don't know how to budget my time wisely so I'm maximizing my time with Jude and Michael while still feeling like I am taking care of responsibilities at work and around the house without overextending myself.

I'm at a loss, and I just feel like I am failing Michael and Jude with it all. How do you working moms do it?

what I really love

Roll Over Jude-toven!

Well he finally did it. We all knew it was coming and it happened today. (At least that I saw. I suppose it could have happened at the sitter's, but she hasn't said anything and I'm not asking. I'd like to think I was there for the first moment.)

Anyway, regardless, he did it. He was laying on his play blanket and Michael and I were both on the floor beside him. He was doing his head butt thing that he does to scoot himself around to his different toys. Every now and then he would rock side to side. Then he did it, ever so slowly, he went from tummy to back.

Naturally, Michael and I exploded in to baby talk praises about what a big boy he was. He just laid there with this content little grin enjoying all the attention.

I turned my camera on and flipped him back over to see if he would do it again, but no such luck. He just got frustrated. When I flipped him back over, he spit up, so I guess he had an upset tummy.

My camera died right after that, so alas, no proof. But I promise he did it!

Videos:

Right After- mad because he couldn't do it again

Almost did it

Frustrated with tummy time

Rollin Is Hard To Do

As many of my previous posts have stated, Jude is really getting close to rolling. I am following him around with my video camera like a crazy person because I just know its bound to happen any minute. I want it on video soooo bad! (insert psycho parent here)

He's rocking from side to side and perfecting his caterpillar butt inching. He actually moved 45 degrees using this maneuver, but no roll so far.

He's getting really frustrated with all this tummy time. Plus, I think he knows what he wants to do and realizes he isn't able to do it yet. Poor guy.

Keep checking back. It's coming soon to a blog near you!

Rocking 1

Rocking 2

The Path Toward Rolling continues

Jude is now moving totally to one side consistently during his play time. Naturally, he didn't do as much of it when I was video-ing.

He also is trying to roll from tummy to back, but typically this looks like a caterpillar inching its way around. He shoves his butt up in the air and tries to move somewhere.

I can't wait for the day when he catches us both by surprise and actually does it.

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Video 4

Sometimes he seems so big....

We were the first in my circle of friends to have a baby. Since January, I've known several friends who've given birth. Jude is 3-4 months older than all these new babies, all boys actually. It's amazing how tiny all these new babies look. I know Jude was once that size, but it is just so hard to wrap my mind around. He's grown so much that it's hard to fathom my baby being that little.

This saddens me. Like all of a sudden my little baby's not so little anymore. And he's growing so rapidly before my eyes that I am forgetting all these moments and how little he once was. Could there be anything sadder than not remembering your baby clearly. All my memories seem to blur together in this continuum of Jude's babyhood. Yet, I know that each moment is so uniquely unlike any other or any other point in his life. I mean honestly, he changes by the week, day even. These fleeting moments are so precious because he is only just like that for such a short little time.

Multiply this realization with the fact that I'm working, and you have the recipe for some tears. It's the end of February practically and this whole working thing is just not getting any easier for me. In fact it might be getting worse. I'm not sure how many more mornings I'm going to cry on my way out the door (usually late). The whole day I'm plagued by thoughts about all I'm missing. I'm so unbelievably jealous of my babysitter because she spends as much awake time with Jude as I do. Maybe more.

I know there is nothing honorable in this revelation, but honesty and confession is part of a Christian's life. The truth is I'm fighting with the seed of bitterness. Not at God or Michael or myself really, just in general. I feel like any day now I'm going to be overcome with the 'why me's?' That kind of thinking won't get me anywhere, obviously, but it is becoming harder and harder to silence within me.

My quiet time's in the morning are generally centered on dear God, please change this somehow. Either, help Michael get a job which eliminates the need for mine, or make me content and happy with where I am. Then I fight the fact that I don't want to be content. I don't want to be content to be away from Jude for 8 hours a day. That would make me feel like a heartless mom.

I try to tell myself that in a couple years it'll happen. That works for 3 seconds before I remember that I will still have missed Jude's infancy and most of his toddlerhood. Sure, I will be there for everything with the next child maybe, but what about Jude. That changes nothing with him. And I'm right back where I started.

So I'm trying to focus on the fact that it may not be what I want long term, but I have a really great job situation for a mom. I usually can leave work by 3:30 and am home by 4:00. That gives me 4-5 hours at night with Jude. Plus, I have plenty of vacation time. We close during inclement weather. And the best part is the summer break. Most jobs just get the 2 weeks sick and vacation leave total, if you're lucky. Teaching is a great job for moms.

But it's still really hard on me. So all that to say, I could really use some prayer if you can spare one, because this whole thing is just so hard. Words of encouragement are welcome too!

30 seconds of cute

I will probably go on and on every weekend on here about how happy Saturday mornings make me. What's a working momma to do but look forward to them? Thanks to the great Denton snow storm of 2010 and President's Day, I get a 5 day weekend. That's like 5 Saturdays in a row. There are no words as to how I have enjoyed my time.

Oh I love this one. I know I'm his mom, but I seriously think Jude has the cutest mouth!

Waking up with Jude and Michael is. the. best. I love everything they say to me. I love that they both love me even with my morning breath. I love that they both think I'm funny. I love that my happiest moments are spent with them doing absolutely nothing at all.

It's amazing how age (inevitably?) changes you. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved kids- hence the whole teaching thing. However, I always thought life would probably get boring once it became the same day in and day out. Boy was I wrong.

Jude hangs out in his oh so favorite bouncer while we make breakfasts on Saturday morning.

There really is nothing mundane at all about watching your child grow and change. Yes, I technically do the same thing. I could probably time and predict the order of events down to the minute. Yes, if I told this to my 18 year old self, I might get a weird look.

People always say it, but it is so true. Having a baby totally changes you. Granted, I am an old soul and turned 80 around my 21st birthday. Irrelevant. Even my 80 year old self enjoyed the freedom of being able to sleep in and go to dinner without packing 2 extra outfits, 3 extra diapers, wipes, toys, pacifiers, pacifier chains, blankets, burp cloths, and carseat. I could go on. Sometimes in weak moments I think, man it was so much easier when ____.

But then I look in this sweet face and I watch him unbelievably excited by his bouncer (see above) and I forget all about fine dining. I'm just too wrapped up in my new life to really ever miss the old. Michael and I talked about how we were having kids early so they could leave home while we were in our 40s and young. Screw that. We had kids early because it's just so stinkin awesome to have kids. The end.

various videos of the things that make my (early) mornings rock

Baby Sneezes

Never Still

Power to the People

Wow Hands

PS this blog should have been written on Feb 6th. It's just I don't have much time during the week. Such is life.