tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24951279737864786032024-03-13T22:39:45.915-06:00Sweetly WornThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.comBlogger484125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-28113903127976938622016-09-14T13:01:00.000-06:002016-09-14T13:01:39.057-06:00A Tree Beside the Water<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: #351c75;">(She) is like a tree planted beside streams of water </span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: #351c75;">that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither... Psalm 1:2-3</span></em></div>
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Beginning in January 2015, I began a long term struggle with The Lord in understanding the word Rest. Initially I chose it as the word for my year, but as time has gone on, The Lord really didn't let me choose a new word for 2016. The lessons of rest needed to continue. </div>
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Rest for me has become a bit of an iceberg term. Originally I truly just wanted to rest in a fully physical sense. I was quite literally over tired. Within a few short months, it became clear to me that Rest was ultimately a state of the soul. I was amazed at the bible verses the Lord would bring me to during quiet times or sermons throughout the week. "I am the vine, you are the branches... abide (rest) in my love...) or "be still (rest) and know that I am God... The above verse I found recently when I was just seeking direction for this current stage of life. And again, ultimately the tree just rests next to the stream. It doesn't do anything. It just stands there- its the stream that feeds it, the Sun that sustains it. But the tree itself, just rests. </div>
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For years, I have looked at my relationship with God as a to do list. I need to follow these rules, I need to like these things, I need to have a resume of all these activities or be a part of these social justice movements. But for me, those things cause anxiety. I can't be that person without being tired. And when I'm tired I'm the person I don't want to be. As I started to realize that my anxiety was greatly triggered by to do lists of all kinds, I began to cut back. </div>
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Originally this was by working part time, then staying home full time. As time has gone on though, I realize that even without work, the idol of "do and accomplish all the things" still creeps back in. I should homeschool, I should plan activities for Avonlea, I should put Jude in multiple activities, I should have a perfectly clean house, I should, I should, I should.</div>
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The clean house is what really gets to me. It is such an idol in my life. And the worst part is that when I idolize a clean house, I am way to quick to be annoyed or resentful to the less clean folk I live with. "What good is it to gain the whole world [clean house] yet forfeit my soul [family]." I'm learning- and by learning meaning I am deep in the trenches with this- that I need to let the darn house go. I need to play more and nag less. And ultimately this comes down to - Rest. I need to rest when there are crumbs and rest when there are dishes but little people are dying to be played with. Obviously you can't rest from these things all the time. But the pursuit of perfection in visible things doesn't bring about godliness in my life. </div>
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I find I am most holy, Christ like, and soul content, when I am resting in God's love knowing He loves me for who I am right now. And I am resting with my family and enjoying their giggles and pouring into them. Not in pinterest perfect ways. Just messy, sticky, legos all over the floor ways. </div>
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Rest is the state my soul was called to be in. Meditative. Abiding. Still. Not striving. Content. Peaceful. Simple. These are the places I know Christ is. And I sense He is most apparent in me when I am seeking these things as well. </div>
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When I think about it, I realize that this is a state of thanksgiving. I am quiet enough to hear him, still enough to see him, and I can't help but notice how loved I am and how good He is. And those are the moments the 'world' fades away. And I am free.</div>
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So while I still have an awfully long way to go, I am so thankful the Lord continues to daily lead me to still waters, that He still daily takes me back to I want to rest Ashley. There are no sweeter words than Him inviting my soul to rest. </div>
ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-39638263715123618652015-06-11T20:11:00.003-06:002015-06-11T20:11:29.357-06:00June Reflections<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Oh sweet sweet summertime. To be honest, I really doubted my ability to make it to this point. Every Sunday night the past few months, I would cry and tell Jimmy I just didn't know if I would be able to make it to June and how can 30...20...10...<br />
5 days seem like an eternity? It was so hard for me to just show up each day. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is show up, and that was definitely how it was for me. I'm beyond thankful that The Lord carried me through that. And I'm so thankful to be officially a "stay at home mom". Well sort of- The Lord faithfully provided me a part time job which met all of my three requirements. 1- I am working 20 hours a week. 2- I will be able to more or less make enough to cover my mortgage payment. and 3- I don't have to prepare anything outside of work hours. I can just show up. Hallelujah. The Lord has been truly faithful. When I look back over the last year, all I know is that I was broken, but God was faithful. I'm thinking this summer will be a time of great healing, rest, and reflection. Here's my reflections thus far:<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XsTJdTBVqMU/VXo-sI8dxpI/AAAAAAAAFCk/oPFgzFqbYCQ/s1600/June2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XsTJdTBVqMU/VXo-sI8dxpI/AAAAAAAAFCk/oPFgzFqbYCQ/s320/June2.jpg" width="320" /></a><strong>Am I thankful for my life and how I'm living it?</strong> Here's what I've noticed in my one week of summer. When I am not working, I am a better mom! A happier mom. A more patient mom. A more involved mom. I cannot express how thankful I am for this time right now. I get to be the person I so desperately wanted to be all year, but just didn't have the energy to be. More than anything, I love being a wife and a mom. I love that I can give these people priority. And I love the way I feel fulfilled when doing those things. It's amazing how much easier your personhood flows when you are living within the role you know you were designed to fill. So I am so very thankful right now. Thankful to not be stretched so thin. Thankful that my everyday actions can center on serving God through serving the two people he has entrusted to me.<br />
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<strong>What have I tried this month?</strong> Over the past month, Jimmy and I went to a concert. When we were first dating, we did a lot more concerts. Actually our first real date was to a concert. We have celebrated anniversaries and birthdays at concerts. There is just something about concerts that makes me feel like 'us'. That is a priceless feeling. Life takes precedence as you grow up, but those moments that allow you to just be yourself without the millions of other roles clouding your vision are wonderful. <br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QzuJ042cWvo/VXo-0isjQGI/AAAAAAAAFCs/pY_m4wA8P4U/s1600/June3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QzuJ042cWvo/VXo-0isjQGI/AAAAAAAAFCs/pY_m4wA8P4U/s320/June3.jpg" width="320" /></a>That being said- it's summer and we need adventure! We had wanted to go camping in Oklahoma during May one weekend, but as you know if you watched the news any day in May, there wasn't a dry day in Texas or Oklahoma it seemed. I'm not sure what we will do this summer, but I am dreaming of something simple but memorable.<br />
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<strong>What am I doing to get out of my routine?</strong> Summer is the perfect time to get out of routines, and I love that about it. I feel like the teacher side of me is fairly 'Type A'. I am a mostly organized person. I do better and accomplish more when I have a plan and a checklist. However, summer is the time I try to let my brain rest. I don't plan more than a couple days in advance. I try not to make schedules or to do lists. Right now Jude has swim lessons, and a part of me dies inside at 4:30 because I have to make a plan to go somewhere :) That being said, this summer I have joined a bible study, and I am loving it. I love that it is over the book of John- not a resource book. Just using only the Bible and answering the same 4 questions over each chapter. It's only met twice, but both times have been so encouraging. I'm so thankful to get to spend the time with some old friends as well as get to know new people. John is such a great book, and being reminded about how Jesus can do what no one else can do in my life has already been so healing. I'm really looking forward to not being so overwhelmed so I can allow God to work!<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3VbGQ_6oWII/VXo--usDDnI/AAAAAAAAFC4/iQ34ftrqUQw/s1600/June4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3VbGQ_6oWII/VXo--usDDnI/AAAAAAAAFC4/iQ34ftrqUQw/s320/June4.jpg" width="320" /></a>Also getting out of my routine is my yearly 'dye my hair a crazy color'. I've been doing this during the summer for years. Just a small piece of rebellion against the 'professionalism' of teaching. I didn't get to do it last summer because I got married. While I love my pink/purple/blue/green/whatever hair styles, I didn't think that was what I wanted in my wedding pictures :) Excited to go all over baby coral/pink though today!</div>
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<strong>What have I learned about God this month?</strong> He is faithful. I don't know how He did it. I don't know how I survived this year. And the surviving I did does not negate the severe bruising and brokenness that came in the midst of survival. I look back over this year and it is just a blur of tears. But The Lord got me through to the other side. I just didn't see how I was going to make. Even the last week of school I wanted to call in every single day. But I made it. Definitely not of my own power, but solely because the Lord is faithful.<br />
He was also faithful to provide exactly what I needed. If you go back and read my May Reflection, you will notice so much confusion and unanswered questions. The Lord was faithful to answer so many of those. I know who I am right now. I know what I will be doing next year. He was faithful to provide exactly what I needed job wise- the perfect number of hours, the perfect role, perfectly in the middle of Judes school day, so I can take him to school and pick him up. And as is so true of God, he provides the lagniappe- or immeasurably more than I imagined. I will get to be working at the same place as two of the ladies from my community group. He doesn't have to provide these extra blessings, but He is so loving and good, that He always does.<br />
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<strong>What brokenness is holding me back?</strong> To be honest, compared to the brokenness that held me back this year, I feel amazing. That being said, I think there is a lot of healing that needs to be done in my heart. This year truly broke my heart. I had people assume the worst of me, pick apart every little thing I did looking for fault, and just question me within a context I absolutely loved. I felt kind of like Prometheus doomed to wake up each day with birds eating my flesh while I was chained to a mountain. Gross analogy I know, but I felt continually kicked down. I would start to pull myself up only be kicked straight down again. So while I don't feel broken in the same way. Or maybe just am not afraid of what is seeking my destruction around the corner now that it is summer. But I know I need time to heal. I know The Lord will be faithful in that healing. But I need the time to heal. Thankful to know that I have that time.<br />
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<strong>What do I want less of?</strong> STUFF. We are currently trying to get rid of as much stuff as possible. We have a great little house, but unfortunately it has little storage. So we are trying to get rid of as much as possible. It's amazing how you can get rid of so much, yet you turn around and still have copious amounts of just stuff. Regardless, we want to learn to live on less, but also learn to live with less. Americans are so busy and our lives are so full of stuff. So little of it is necessary. So little of it enhances are life by any large amount. I want to learn to live more simply with what I have. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1c_Bf-q6Mr8/VXo_VUj5rVI/AAAAAAAAFDE/6g72v3VQJEI/s1600/June7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1c_Bf-q6Mr8/VXo_VUj5rVI/AAAAAAAAFDE/6g72v3VQJEI/s320/June7.jpg" width="320" /></a><strong>What do I want more of?</strong> Living. I don't want to spend my summer wasting the minutes. I want to live it to the fullest. Spend the time invested in Jude's life and Jimmy's life. Spend the time invested in enjoying my mom while she's in town. Spend the time invested in hanging out with my sister and Camden while we have the time. Jude is growing up so fast. Having taught for so many years, I have seen the blur that is childhood once you enter school. It seems like in no time the kids I saw in kinder are heading off to middle school. I feel like I need to savor the moments with him this summer because he is at the end of my time with him being 'little'. This breaks my heart, but as much as I can, I want it to spur me on to invest in him deeply. So thankful for him.<br />
ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-35074388217628622442015-05-10T17:36:00.001-06:002015-05-10T17:36:34.542-06:00May ReflectionsHere I am finally in May. I think I have been dreaming about May since September. It's been a long year. I've never had a year that time seemed to pass by so slowly. When I think about this school year, I just think about tears. I think I cried daily from September to December. And at least weekly from December on. I'd love to tell you that has changed, but I am pretty steadily crying about it weekly. Because this year has been so hard, looking back on it is like looking on events that happened a lifetime ago. I'm so glad that The Lord and Jimmy are providing me the opportunity to try something different. But I also feel like I'm in the midst of an identity crisis. I may have blogged about that before... I just am not sure who I am when I'm not a public school teacher. And honestly, it's way too easy for me to look at this year and feel like a failure. I've been trying to remember truths about God- that I am always 100% adored by Him and that this year happened without taking Him by surprise. He faithfully brings beauty from ashes and while I may see only ashes now- I will see the beauty one day. He is good, and morning is coming and so is joy and dancing. Anyway, here are my monthly reflections.<br />
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<strong>Am I thankful for my life and the way I'm living it?</strong> To be honest, I just feel confused a lot right now. I have so many more questions than I have answers. Do I want to sub next year? Do I want to teach preschool next year? Am I even a good teacher? What do I want to do with my life? Who am I? What do I want to be known for? And then I remember that none of those questions matter unless they are defined by what God wants for me. I don't know the answers to any of these questions. But I am so so thankful for my family. When I look beyond family, I just see confusion. But when I look at Jimmy and Jude and our home everything makes sense. And maybe that's my answer right there.<br />
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<strong>What have I tried this month?</strong> Not much. We were going to go to Oklahoma and go camping this weekend, but Texas and Oklahoma are basically flooded and experiencing multiple tornadoes currently. I did get the opportunity to wait out a tornado inside TJ Maxx today though, which is certainly a new experience. Luckily we were all safe and the tornado passed on. This weekend has been nice though as it has been mothers day weekend. Jimmy took us to a Brazilian steakhouse Friday which was amazing. I wish my stomach was able to hold more food though! I got a donut maker, so on Saturday we made donuts, paleo of course. They were yummy- not exactly a donut, but they were good. I've also started reading the Divergent series this month. I am a huge conspiracy theorist, and dystopian stories just feed my imagination in interesting ways. Loving that book series so far!<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xVGkYYyMjzk/VU_qMCEhuMI/AAAAAAAAFBY/yz4CrAmMDvY/s1600/11012937_10103537304036390_2735647725585965098_n%5B2%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xVGkYYyMjzk/VU_qMCEhuMI/AAAAAAAAFBY/yz4CrAmMDvY/s320/11012937_10103537304036390_2735647725585965098_n%5B2%5D.jpg" width="320" /></a><strong>What am I doing to get out of my routine?</strong> I'm not sure about this one either. This month feels like it's just about survival. I'm trying to get my classroom packed up, trying to get all assessments finished, trying to get these kids ready for 2nd grade, etc. I feel like I've put my house on hold until summer. It's very frenzied, and honestly, my anxiety is really kicking up. I also am trying to apply for jobs for next year. I have already interviewed at one preschool and will be interviewing at atleast 1 preschool this week. It's an exciting time, but I feel like I am spinning a few too many plates at one time. So survival. There is a time for adventure and a time for survival. <br />
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<strong>What have I learned about God this month?</strong> He loves me. He absolutely loves me. I have prayed for a few months (even mentioned this in a blog in February) about how I wanted to enjoy dinners and community and depth with friends. Well last month, I joined a friend who started an IF:Table. I really hadn't heard much about it, but it is literally verbatim what I spent 4 months praying for. Dinner and community and friends and depth. That is what IF:Table is. Those exact things. I am so unbelievably blessed by my friend for answering God's call to start this. It is in every way 1000 answers to prayer for me, and I cannot wait to meet with them again! But more than anything, I am so thankful that God loved me so deeply. Dinner and conversation can seem like a frivolous prayer. Yet, he cares about my desire for even deep friendships. It is so comforting to think about because if He is faithful in the things like friendships, surely he will be faithful to take care of our needs next year. And surely He will be faithful to lead me to new passions and surely He will be faithful to bring beauty from the ashes of this year.<br />
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<strong>What brokenness is holding me back?</strong> Idolatry of other people's opinions. I would say it's anxiety or dwelling on situations- but ultimately it comes down to my idolatry of other people's opinions. I am allowing people to define me and my opinion of myself rather than staying grounded in who God says I am. God says I am loved, adored, forgiven, and enough. Bringing it back to my word of the year- Rest- I am learning I need to Rest in the way God sees me. His opinion is the only one that matters. I need to keep my eyes above- not on others, or opinions, or how I feel I am doing today. I just really need to worship more- but I am very distracted by trying to survive. I am stuck in this cycle of survival and not resting in God. Trying to do it all on my own. I certainly can't. Ugh- any truth you can speak into my life would be appreciated right now.<br />
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<strong>What do I want less of?</strong> Distraction from my heavenly purpose and the stress that distraction is causing me. I just feel so confused a lot of the time. I am easily losing my focus on Jesus. That's been a pretty common struggle this year. The storm is hazy and it is hard to see. I just need to walk as though I can see, walk in faith. And sometimes I just am having a hard time with that. This year has left me hurt, and that gets my focus so many times. I need to remember Christ is my Comforter.<br />
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<strong>What do I want more of?</strong> Christ my Comforter. I'm pretty wounded I guess to be honest. My heart hurts. My feelings are hurt. I cry easily because I'm hurting. No friend, no husband will comfort me like Jesus. I want more of His comfort. I need more of His comfort. I need more time to sit in His lap and let Him tell me it's going to all be ok. Psalm 23 has become my psalm this year. I know its one everyone knows, but I just find myself quoting it to myself many times throughout the day. I focus a lot on the imagery of quiet waters. I'm longing for a day filled with quiet waters.<br />
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ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-7691159730870002592015-04-24T19:18:00.000-06:002015-04-24T19:18:04.855-06:00On Becoming Paleo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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2014 was the year I discovered oils. It was easily one of the best gifts I've ever been given, and I am so thankful to those who have walked with me on my oily journey. It has allowed me to find options that I feel actually help my body as opposed to mask my symptoms. Oils are lovely, and I love nothing more than to have in depth conversations on oils. <br />
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But 2015 seems to be the year I discovered paleo. I kind of love it as much as I love oils. I am beyond thankful that I took this plunge, and I am completely amazed at how much it has changed my life for the better. Paleo is as lovely as oils, albeit in a different way.<br />
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Back in January, I had a zyto scan done (scans body frequencies to determine what oils/supplements you body needs). It showed that some things were off with my gut, which wasn't surprising. I have had an easily upset stomach for years now, although I have never been able to tie it to a particular sensitivity. In response to that scan, I did a candida cleanse. It was so hard because you basically starve your body of all sugar. I had no idea how addicting sugar was until I went without it. I <em>craved </em>sugar in the most surprising way, but I was determined to make it the 30 days. I really didn't enjoy it at first. The meals I was eating were fairly unappealing.<br />
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And then a friend suggested <a href="http://againstallgrain.com/">AgainstAllGrain.com</a> and I probably immediately bought her cookbook. When that book arrived, it was like the heavens opened and my soul smiled again. I found a passion for cooking I don't think I ever had. I felt like I had found my purpose standing in the kitchen mixing sauces and sautéing vegetables. I didn't know how pleasant it would be to make something I am proud of, and that is completely healthy for me, and completely healthy for Jude. He has adapted so well to this lifestyle too. Just ask him about mashed cauliflower ;)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Left: Mexican Chicken Chowder by Against All Grain</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Right: Sausage and Butternut Squash stuffed Tomatoes</span></div>
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I have stuck with meal planning for the first time in my life. I plan out healthy vegetable and meat based meals that are delicious (because of her recipes, not me). It's exciting and thrilling and also cathartic after a long day. At the end of the dinner, I have a quiet satisfaction knowing I did something good for my body. It's delicious. I have baked so many of her desserts- I don't feel like I'm depriving myself of anything. I don't miss bread, or sweets, or even ice cream. In fact, now when I taste normally sweetened food, I lose interest in a bite or two. That sugar addiction is real, and now that I have broken the addiction, there just isn't much enjoyment in super processed sweet food. I <em>prefer </em>my slightly sweetened chocolate chip cookies to the real ones. I find real ones icky! Which is just crazy that in 4 months I can completely alter my lifestyle, but also my food preferences. <br />
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It's exciting to me because when I discovered her book, I discovered the rest of my life. I can't imagine not eating this way. For one thing, I realize now that my system is very food sensitive, and it just runs better on healthy food. The times we are out and I eat less paleo, I pay for it for the next 3 days. I really love this lifestyle. Paleo is something that I can and will stick with, simply because I enjoy it. I prefer it. I have had tons more energy. My moods have been more stable. My gut health has shown improvement (I still have some healing to do). My hormones seem to be more stable. I can't tell you how many people have told me my skin looks great and that I look like I'm glowing. I haven't had bad acne in months! I've even lost 12 pounds! And for the first time in my life, I find myself truly wanting to exercise. I have all this energy that I need to get rid of. I still have a long way to go with that, mostly because of scheduling, but the desire is there. And that is not something I've ever enjoyed. I have a long way to go to help my body recover from just the hazards and toxins that are 21st century life, but I truly feel like I am on the right path. It's a change that was hard the first 2 weeks, but now, it just feels right. I can't recommend it enough!ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-46231295247068009762015-04-03T13:42:00.000-06:002015-04-03T13:42:36.253-06:00April reflectionsRight now I feel completely captivated by Spring! The weather is beautiful. Today as I drove Jude to school and then went to pick something up from my sister's I was completely taken in by the beauty of the overcast skies contrasting with all the greenery. Jimmy and I have set up our garden's for the year. We have some basic flowers, I got a beautiful delphinium, and he got copious amounts of tomatoes. I've set up birdfeeders and shamelessly downloaded a bird identification app. I love how spring just feels like coming alive. I hope to fully embrace life this season. <br />
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I've been reflecting over the last couple months based off a book I read. I love the way these questions make me dig a little deeper into my soul. I'm actually reading her other book right now called "Cold Tangerines" and the topic is celebrating. Perfect for this season.<br />
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<strong>Am I thankful for my life and the way I'm living it?</strong><br />
I am so thankful daily for Jimmy and Jude. They are wonderful gifts. As we all worked outside last weekend, I was so thankful for the simplistic beauty that is our life. Hard work, dirt all over our toes and fingers, slightly sun kissed cheeks. It could not have been more perfect. However, I feel like I am so easily distracted by lists and the need to accomplish something. I have a definite penchant for negativity. I know that my life is lovely, but sometimes it feels like I see that from the a distance. Like I always watch my life on a movie screen- seeing all the parts but not really a part of the story. I would give anything to be able to not be like that. 1000 gifts made the biggest difference in my life with that. But it still isn't a habit. I really really want to be more positive and embrace the moment more- with joy.<br />
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<strong>What have I tried this month?</strong><br />
This month I tried crab at Cantler's Riverside Inn, which I actually saw listed in a copy of Coastal Living as one of the 3 best places for seafood in Maryland. So I consider that a win! I still probably ate more shrimp than crab, however. That being due entirely to the fact that I am lazy. I saw my first (and probably only) wedding at the Naval Academy. Which was pretty much the most romantic wedding ever. I love the quaint yet classy persona of the East Coast. Wandering around Annapolis with all the houses that have been there forever, the sailboats in the water, people walking their dogs just speaks to my heart in every way. Jude and I went on a run through Annapolis- my first run in a downtown city of any kind. Of course, it was more play racing and sprints, but it was fun. <br />
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<strong>What am I doing to get out of my routine?</strong><br />
Last week we focused on gardening. I'm the best about gardening in the spring. I would keep up with it more in the summer, and I do really try. It's just so hot here in NTX... And in a blistering, torturous way. I miss coastal heat...<br />
Also completely out of my routine... My brother of course got married. And during the reception, I got my dance on with my favorite people- my family. I don't dance very often, mainly because it usually would have to involve creepy people and creepy bars. And Jimmy isn't a big dancer. But I actually love dancing and being silly, and my brother and sister are probably my favorite people to do that with. Can someone invent a bar that plays 90s music, and you have to intimately involved with another person to enter? You know a bar for married people who just want to pretend they are 18 again. But don't want a stranger touching them in any way... Because I would go. Often.<br />
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And this weekend, we are cooking Easter brunch this weekend, which isn't going to be a big deal by any means. But 1- it will involve mimosas which immediately makes all things right with the world and 2- we never just get to have brunch. I love reasons to celebrate, and I'm glad we get to.<br />
Next weekend I am going to a gathering with some ladies, only one of which I know, but she's fabulous. Just to talk about Christ and Life and whatever else. And the only requirement is to bring our favorite bottle of wine. My friend throwing this is one of the loveliest people whom I haven't seen since my wedding. I'm so excited to focus on the good Christ is doing!<br />
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<strong>What have I learned about God this month?</strong><br />
I've been learning that God wants me to laugh, to be joyful. I'm remembering that God is a God of celebration. I mean what is Easter but a celebration. There is so much death and darkness around us. But that's just the middle of the story. The end is beautiful and joyful and should make you dance in celebration. The crosses of our lives will always bring us to a point of surrender, they will always hurt, they will always break us. It's so easy to forget that the cross is temporary, but victory is eternal. This year, I bore my cross. But the rising is coming, indeed is already here in some ways. Hallelujah for the cross, for the resurrection. Hallelujah because He has blessed me with a godly, loving man. Hallelujah because he has blessed me with birds that sing. Hallelujah because he has blessed me with an engaging and kind little boy. Hallelujah for baking and clean kitchens and pretty towels. The Resurrection happens every day because God is actively redeeming everyday. I want my Spirit to notice Him. <br />
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And of course, we have a lot to celebrate this month, because my brother married someone lovely.<br />
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<strong>What brokenness is holding me back?</strong><br />
I continue to struggle with the pursuit of perfection robbing me of joy. My to do lists rob me of joy. This isn't a new struggle by any means, but it is currently showing its ugly face. I hate it because it robs me of joy, but also relationships. It puts a barrier between me and the people I love the most. I realize that everyone has their thing they struggle with. But I sure do hate mine. So I am seeking to love Jesus more. To fill my mind with Jesus so that He spills out of my heart more. I need to use my oils more and pray more as I use them. These were the kinds of things that eventually led to panic attacks and medication. So I need to use the physical (oils) and spiritual (prayer, speaking truth over myself) tools and weapons to fight for joy. <br />
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<strong>What do I want less of?</strong><br />
Less striving, more rest. That's the theme of my year and my life right now. I want less of working beyond my limits. Less defining myself by how clean my house is. Less taking for granted the beautiful moments I have to pour into Jude's life. Less sarcastic, impatient speech on my part.<br />
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<strong>What do I want more of?</strong><br />
Jude and Jimmy. I want to savor them. I want to invest in them. I want to build them up and encourage them. I want to bless their lives and I want their days to be better because I was in it. I'm so hopeful for our next phase of life with me working less. I hope I will have the energy to invest in them like this. I want more of a gentle and quiet spirit. More words that are weighed carefully. More joy, more peace. Basically, more Jesus.ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-5803085113606655852015-03-14T15:30:00.000-06:002015-03-14T15:30:21.877-06:00March ReflectionsIn February, I blogged based on some reflection questions I got from Shauna Niequist's book <u>Bittersweet</u>, which I highly recommend reading. I felt like it was so healing for my soul to reflect that way, but also projected my soul into a good place. I would mentally go back to that blog throughout the rest of the month and allow it to push me to try more, be better. So, I'm hoping to make this reflection time somewhat habitual.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">My favorite people on one of the many snow days NTX has been slammed with this year.</span></div>
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<strong>Am I thankful for my life and the way I'm living it?</strong><br />
In many ways, yes. I'm noticing how God's Spirit is really filling me from the inside out and allowing me to rest. I'm noticing how it continues to get easier to Rest in His Grace. I'm not insanely critical of myself like I used to be. I find myself more and more able to let things go. I am so thankful for that because it's been a prayer of my heart for years, maybe a decade.<br />
I oscillate between feelings of thankfulness and frustration. I struggle with giving grace still just as I struggle with accepting it. I get very fixated on what the correct way is and it's hard for me to let it go. To be honest, I've considered using some of my Young Living Essential Rewards points for <a href="https://www.youngliving.com/en_US/products/essential-oils/blends/forgiveness-essential-oil" target="_blank">this oil</a> because I keep seeing it come up when I look up emotions I'm having. Anyone tried it?<br />
So in short, the Spirit is alive and well and praise Him because He changes me. But I am still learning about resting in gratitude for all He's done as well as resting in faith for all He has yet to do. Resting is proving itself to be my word day in and day out. I think Rest goes hand in hand with thankfulness. Because by in resting in what God is doing and has already done, I am thankful. Whereas by not resting, I'm really being ungrateful because I'm complaining about how far I want to be/go etc.<br />
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<strong>What have I tried this month?</strong><br />
Last night I tried my hand at cauliflower crust pizza- which was awesome! I tried Charleston, SC late February- which is officially my favorite city of all time. It combines everything I love about New Orleans- the Spanish moss, colonial architecture, porches, coastal weather with everything I love about Texas- cleanliness and guns and a Don't Tread On Me attitude. If it were at all practical to move there, I totally would. I also tried some award winning restaurants while there. I could go on about things I've tried, but they are all food related :) One thing I've learned though, is that I really love trying new food! <br />
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<strong>What am I doing to get out of my routine?</strong><br />
I'm trying to run more. And while I've only ran 6 times this year, I really want to change my routine to include this. My goal is to just keep trying to make this a routine through December. I'm not trying to aim for a certain number of days a week or times per month- just continue to plug away at trying to get out there and run. I actually have a special plan for a special run this coming week....<br />
... Because the most exciting way I'm going to be getting out of my routine this month will be to go to Annapolis for my brother's wedding. Prior to discovering South Carolina, Annapolis might have been my favorite American city. (I have a thing for the East Coast...) Again with the colonial architecture, the cleanliness, and of course Don't Tread On Me is originally a Navy thing... My brother is marrying a lovely girl there this weekend. It will be an amazing wedding just because it will be at the Naval Academy chapel, which is where my brother went to school. Full uniforms and the sword arch and everyone staying in the little downtown. So fantastic! In light of us being downtown and walking distance to everything, I'm hoping to include a run through downtown Annapolis into it. I could look at sailboats all day. Also planning to include crab into the diet as a way to break my routine. If you have never been to Annapolis, go! It's just really one of the most beautiful places.<br />
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<strong>What have I learned about God this month?</strong><br />
I mentioned this on a previous blog post, but learning that He is my provider. He definitely provided this past month despite traveling and big electric bills and just all these little things that come up with being in a busy season. So thankful He is trustworthy. He provided lovely bits of growth with my little YL group and met all of the goals in my heart for that month, which is so encouraging to see. <br />
I am learning about the importance of trusting Him for future provision. But also that trust is gentle and quiet. Not that you can't ask questions, but some questions or maybe over questioning is really a lack of trust. Rest- rest in the trust and allow Him the space to work, to provide. I've really been coming back to the verses in the Bible on do not worry about tomorrow... look at the birds of the air... God knows what we need... Jimmy knows what we need... Both of them love me more than I will ever know and are seeking my good. <br />
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<strong>What brokenness is holding me back?</strong><br />
I keep coming face to face with the thought that The Lord has set us free from slavery, both in my on reading and just friends speaking into my life. There's much to explore here. But I know that I haven't allowed the Lord to free me from everything. I am enslaved to my perfectionist ideals. And while I do see him setting me free in many ways already. I'm not quite there yet. So while this is nothing new, and this is something I've been working through, The Lord continues to reveal deeper facets of this struggle and the ways it continues to hold me back.<br />
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<strong>What do I want less of?</strong><br />
Less screen time. This- like my striving for perfection- seems to constantly be a goal. As I learn grace, I am quicker to forgive myself for wasting precious minutes. And as I learn to forgive myself, the hold these things have gets more and more broken and less able to control me. Which is lovely, and I must acknowledge that The Lord is faithfully breaking me free of distractions. However, I still want less of it. Sometimes not just with me, but even with people I'm around. Not that I have control over that. I just want less of modern America...<br />
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<strong>What do I want more of?</strong><br />
... and more of simple America. More hand made from scratch meals. More making things on our own. More hard work within the home. You know that feeling you get sometimes when you know everything is aligned perfectly and you are right where you should be? I feel like that when my little tribe is home and I am in the kitchen. I feel like serving them is both cathartic and soul nourishing. Like this is why I was created. I find more joy in the mundane like grocery shopping, cleaning, baking, cooking than I can find anywhere else. I want more homemaking time. And that j'ne sais quois feeling I get when I am doing just that makes me excited and confident for the next stage of life. I'm my best self when I take care of my home/family. And amazingly, some of these struggles I've had throughout this year seem to affect me far less in these times of greatest peace. Which also gives me great confidence. Like my soul knows that teaching full time like I have isn't where it's supposed to be and it just started to give out on me. And investing in family is where I am supposed to be- and those struggles just fall away. So simplify. I want more of that.ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-16203286050670336082015-03-04T16:28:00.002-06:002015-03-04T16:28:41.576-06:00Trust in the Wilderness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The wilderness- it seems so exciting to think about. Freedom, wind blowing through your hair, no direction, following your heart, open fields, climbing mountains, exploring jungles are what come to mind for me. It seems exciting....<br />
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... But sometimes the reality is less so. I'm coming out of the largest season of doubt I think I've ever been through. I'm so hopeful though, because I do believe God is a God of redemption. I am already seeing fruits of redemption in my everyday within my classroom. I haven't cried over school in a few weeks, which is a miracle. But you know getting there, felt like sure and certain death. I think in some ways a part of my soul did have to die. The part that cared what people thought for one thing. I'm seeing how true it is that blessed are they that have lost everything because you see Christ. When myself is lost, all I can do is look up and see Christ. That's a beautiful sight. And I am beginning to see more and more clearly. I know he will make all things new. He is a Redeemer and a Rescuer and a Resurrector. Praise him!<br />
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And yet, despite what I know to be true, I find myself plagued with doubts. What if we don't have enough money? What if this isn't God's will? What if I'm allowing Satan to win by quitting? What if we lost our house? These thoughts pop up randomly. It convicts me of two things- 1) I'm not trusting God to be faithful, good, or provide. But also 2) I'm not trusting Jimmy to be faithful, good, or provide. Ouch. That makes me so sad.<br />
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:::Blog within a blog- I cannot tell you the blessing a godly husband is. One thing I've learned since marrying Jimmy is that I really didn't understand the gospel or God's attributes as clearly as I thought. Because Jimmy so faithfully and beautifully lives out the gospel and Christlikeness towards me, I find myself more and more able to understand the depth of Christ's love and sacrifice. It's a beautiful conviction- one where I'm better able to love the Lord because Jimmy loves me so well. I'm able to understand why I don't want to sin- not because I want to check things off my list, but because I love him/Him and want to please him/Him. I'm just so proud of him because he lives his life so well. He was worth the wait. :::<br />
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So trust- I am speaking that truth to myself some. Right now, it's not that scary. But I know that this is going to call me to a place of deep trust. A wilderness where I won't have all the answers. I didn't realize how much self trust went into me having a higher paying job, which is sin honestly. Part of me is excited because I know I will get to learn to trust God deeply and learning more about Him is always beautiful. Part of me is scared because of that same thing.<br />
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What I know to be true is this- like Peter walking on water- the secret always lies in the vantage point. Am I focused on the storm, the water, the depths, the what ifs? Or am I focusing on the truth- my Savior loves me, he is with me, he controls this? I'm choosing to continue to look up. To continue to seek His face. To comfort myself with his steadfast love. I want to embrace the beauty of Him because I do believe he is leading me. I'm so thankful that He and Jimmy understand my heart. I'm so thankful that I am being given the time to invest in family. I'm so thankful for Jimmy's dedication and hard work. I'm so excited to discover my passionate side again. I'm thankful for time to breathe, for the ability to fully invest in Jude. Sometimes when I just really stop to think about it all- all I can do is praise Him!<br />
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<span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: large;"><em>So we fix our eyes, not on what is seen, but what is unseen....</em></span></div>
ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-69909272652284215692015-02-14T19:50:00.000-06:002015-02-14T19:50:13.262-06:00On Opening Up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I used to be the kind of girl who tried to be tough and strong. I listened to punk rock. I marched to my own drum. I probably didn't need your help. Or at least I tried to make you think that. I had some pretty high walls up. I knew how to keep people out. And if I didn't, there was always sarcasm.<br />
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I was reading tonight (still Bittersweet- which I love!) and reflecting on a chapter about how she says this referring to a dark period in her life "I see the moments of heartbreak that led to honesty about myself I wouldn't have been able to get to any other way". I love that. <br />
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It made me think of all the times I have cried- very openly- this school year. When people ask me how my day is, no matter how casually, there is a 75% chance I will tear up right then. Some have even been concerned for me regarding this.<br />
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<em><span style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;">But maybe the tears are a good thing.</span></em> </div>
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Maybe the tears are bringing about a beautiful, God ordained, perfectly planned change in me. A change where I too am being led to honesty with myself I wouldn't have gotten any other way. That makes me smile. Yes- I am crying a lot. But how beautiful is it that I'm not holding it in. I've been the kind of person who's done that- held everything in. It's been a huge struggle for me to open up to others, and anyone who has tried to get to know me can attest to that. I'm excited for myself for being honest with my team, my community group, the world, whoever will listen. I'm not saying I shouldn't keep training myself to look for the good- I should- God's gifts are everywhere. But for the first time in my life, I'm not just saying it's all ok.<br />
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So here I am just openly saying thank you to anyone who has seen me cry and not turned me away. Thank you for allowing me to be honest, to be myself, to open myself up completely raw and wounded. Thank you for walking through this time with me where I've learned some difficult, beautiful lessons. Lessons in being honest. Thank you that I haven't had to feel like I needed to hide behind the wall. Thank you that you have allowed me to be weak and broken in your presence. For me, this is a great thing. And I think the Lord for all of you.<br />
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And as always, thank you to my Lord and Savior for allowing me to be broken. Broken so deeply in every way that I can't hold myself together, that I can't put my best face forward, that I can't fake it until I make it. Thank you for forcing me to learn that honesty is good and being real with people is ok. Maybe even lovely.<br />
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I'm a girl who thought she could handle a lot. And now knows she cannot. But I think I love that. Because for the rest of my life, I will walk humbly and allow myself to open up easily. I will cry with anyone and understand your pain. I can pray with you in a way maybe I never could before.<br />
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My name is Ashley, and I'm pretty broken. But I'm ok with that.ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-33903860793853149932015-02-08T16:33:00.000-06:002015-02-08T16:33:11.360-06:00February ReflectionsIf you follow me on instagram (@sweetlyworn), you may recall I took off this past Monday. One of the things I did was pick up a book called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. It's been lovely. I like books of all types- the mindless, the thought provoking, and the debate provoking. This one is kind of in the middle- easy enough to breeze through but little nuggets to ponder along the way.<br />
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Here are some things I'm reflecting on:<br />
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<strong>Am I proud of the life I'm living?</strong> In some ways. I'm trying really, really hard. But one thing I'm learning in this current season is that I'm broken and there is a limit to what I can do. I can't be everything to everyone. Sometimes that makes me upset with myself. I want to please everyone. But I can't. I'm extremely thankful for my little tribe of people who expect nothing from me and always offer grace. What I'm proud of (or really more thankful for) is that despite all the expectations I can't live up to in the world, God sees me as covered, as Christ's beautiful bride. He gave himself up for me to make me whole. So while the world may see my humanness and my brokenness right now. God just sees radiance. And I love that.<br />
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<strong>What have I tried this month?</strong> I am excited to say I've been trying a lot! For all the bone weary day in day out stuff, I come home and try stuff! So there! I've taken up paleo- which means nightly adventures for me. Some are awesome. Some need tweaking next time. But I am loving experimenting with food. I love watching myself develop into a chef, constantly cooking from scratch. I love smelling these things and watching them unfold into something exciting. It's like a whole new world of possibility has opened up to me, and it's amazing! <br />
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<strong>What am I doing to get out of my routine?</strong> Bridget's bachelorette party!!!! Insert high kicks! In case you didn't know, my little brother is getting married this March. This means two very important things for me. I get the adventure of going to Charleston, South Carolina this month for a bachelorette party. And I get an adventure next month for the wedding in Annapolis. Back to Charleston though... I've never been there. I'm so excited to see this city of Southern charm! I'm going to have to reach back into the recesses of my mind (or drink lots of wine since it also brings this out...) for my southern accent. Because South Carolina, obviously. And possibly a big hat... I'm excited for a change of perspective. A way to take some deep breaths away from the day to day. And I pray that I return with a new perspective realizing the world is both bigger and smaller than I thought before. And that God is everywhere, but He's also right here with me.<br />
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<strong>What have I learned about God this year?</strong> Right now I'm also reading Comforts from the Cross, so I'm learning that Jesus loves me. Really loves me. That I don't need to achieve or be anything for him. He just loves me. This is important, because I've felt forgotten by God this year. Now I know in my head and have known all along that isn't true. My heart has forgotten. Even today my heart has forgotten. This school year has been one week of tears after another. A lot of times I wonder why God why. Yet God is a God of rebirth. And labor is hard. I'm very much feeling that I am in the depths of hell in many ways each day. But Jesus descended into hell and on the 3rd day he rose from the grave victorious. So I am hanging on to that promise. Joy comes in the mourning/morning. Rebirth and resurrection happen. As we enter Lent in a few days, there is probably more to ponder about this...<br />
(Side note- it's not all hell. I have some really great kiddos.)<br />
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<strong>What brokenness is holding me back?</strong> Emotions. My emotions hold me captive. If I am despondent or sad or overwhelmed, I can't break free from that. I am stuck in that place until something new jolts me out of it. I'm trying to overcome it, but the truth is, I can't. The Cross is my only hope there. I am not a victim of circumstance- I need to take heart because He has overcome the world. He is good and He does good things in life. These things are true. I need to control my thoughts though, because my thoughts are controlled by my emotions. And my emotions can ruin me.<br />
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<strong>What do I want more of?</strong> Community. I need regular rotations with dinner and wine. But not at restaurants. Like at houses. I mean even if it were just once a month. Maybe it's because I need distractions. Maybe it's because I've gotten really into cooking lately. I don't know. I just want to have people over for dinner more. I want to work on my hospitality skills, which is somewhat a biblical thing, so it's good for me. Consider yourself invited.ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-65172170754439536812015-02-01T14:00:00.002-06:002015-02-01T14:00:30.889-06:00On My Heart- The Year I Got Lost<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This year I got lost. I'm not sure at what point I veered off. Maybe I never really veered off, but more cocooned myself to relearn who I was now that I added wife to my list of hats. I learned about oils, lived by oils, saw myself grow with oils. But I also learned more about my body with oils- which lead to diet changes- and changes on what daily supplements I need. So many changes. None of them bad. Actually, they've all been great for me. Yet there were many changes.<br />
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I went through Redemption at my church. And I learned first hand about my own idolatry. And I had to reframe everything I thought I knew about myself. It is so good. But so hard. And still so hard. I learned to try to have grace for myself. But trying to reframe a lifetime of thinking is a longer process than I would have thought. I think a year later I am still learning how to have grace for myself and others. I also think I'm learning just how un-gracious I really was. That's such a hard lesson. <br />
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I got remarried. And my priorities shifted. And I read this book "Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George and my perspective totally upended. And my focus became something totally new and foreign to me. Not only is Jimmy my 'you need to have more grace' convicter, but he's also my #1 job. For years, I focused on my career because that career was my sole hope for survival. Sure, I wanted more time with Jude. But I couldn't afford to not have a job. For the first time, I don't depend on myself. I'm just the helper. It's so great, such a relief, and serving Jude and Jimmy couldn't bring me more joy. However, for the first time ever, I realized how much teaching might not fit me forever. Not that I don't still find myself getting passionate over teaching reading or developmentally appropriate practices. I do. But I realize that to be passionate over that, I have to sacrifice my relationships with Jude and Jimmy. And I just can't do that.<br />
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And so I find myself at a crossroads. I see my life direction changing from where I thought I was headed. I have no idea where I'm heading, and that's so scary. But I feel my emotions giving way, my physical energy giving way. I feel lost. I wonder who I am now? What am I passionate about? What do I want my life to be about? Where do I go from here? I definitely don't have the answers to that. <br />
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But today in church I heard a sermon that ended with me tearing up. And then a man stood up to share about how he and his family are heading to Turkey in August. And I broke. I remembered the girl a couple of years ago who was passionate about persecuted Christians and the gospel and passionately pursuing God. I don't know where I lost that. But I think it was when I realized I wanted a fairy tale with Jimmy. I wanted the American dream with Jimmy. And at some point I must have idolized it. I valued my dishes over my passions, decorating over evangelism, people liking me over standing apart. I've somewhat always known God has called me to something different. I don't know the details on that. But I've always known that the American dream wasn't God's dream for me. That's so scary to admit. It's scary because I know there will probably come a day where I'm going to have to let go of 'stuff' and cling to the cross. I'm thankful for God's grace because wherever He leads, I get to go with the most amazing man on the planet. I have no idea where we'll go or what will do. But I know we're called. So hear I am, admitting the truth I have never wanted to admit. Yikes<br />
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This year is my year of rest. I have so many off days, that I will probably mostly work 4 day weeks for the rest of the year. And I won't be going back to teaching, at least in the public school setting. (I am planning on finding a part time teaching job.) I plan on resting in God's presence, because I am sure he has plenty to teach me this year. I'm going to rest and wait on Him, while supporting my husband and son as much as possible. Resting because there will come a day that life is different. Please pray for me as I seek the Lord and seek where He has called me, where He has placed passions in my heart. Pray that I will understand where the things I love like my family, blogging, teaching, oils, missions belong. That I will understand the lord's will regarding their balance. Pray that The Lord will mold me into the person He needs me to be.<br />
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ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-38209829112265301532015-01-01T23:07:00.000-06:002015-01-01T23:16:05.979-06:00Rest 2015I must confess I have become quite disenfranchised with current Christian movements as of late. I'm not sure where my break came. I just know it is uncomfortable. Arguing within the church has never been prudent or useful to me. I've mostly always felt that as long as we are ultimately gospel focused and Christ focused, the varied differences weren't important. I do still agree with that to most extents. It's just here lately when I scroll through my Facebook feed I want to chuck my phone across the room.<br />
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Sigh. I'm not even sure why I'm so exhausted with it. Perhaps it's the "this is what you should do" attitude behind so much of it. I have certainly always been one to buck anyone's my way or the highway attitude. Currently though, a lot of it has to do with having read the bible cover to cover. Context makes things so much different than a verse here and there glance. A lot of things that are current waves of belief I 100% supported a year ago. Then this year I also finished reading the Bible cover to cover. And I realized many things, but one of which is some of these popular ideas are out of context. That doesn't mean that those ideas are bad- as long as they are recognized as a personal, God given passion. And not a mandate. There is this air of if you don't support XYZ you are sinning or not a good Christian. And given the slight lack of context some of these things have, that's a very dangerous attitude to have.<br />
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It's exhausting to be bombarded with opinions. Because what I really love is bible study. I could read my bible all day every day. I have hour long prayer and quiet times easily each day. And if I had the time I would be able to clock more hours. I don't say that to toot my horn. I just say that because that is what I love. I don't know what Gods purpose for me is. But I do know he would be most likely to use my love of scripture more than anything. Simply because it is such a natural flow. My mind is an active place - and it's a God given trait. Again for His glory at some point to be sure. That is my passion. That is not the only possible passion.</div>
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But what I read in popular Christianity and what I read going straight through the bible don't always line up. It's not that the ideas are terrible. It's just we are making laws out of our passions. We are so apt to hash out our physical diversity but it's the spiritual diversity we struggle with and that really seperates. We have such low tolerance of other denominations. And we blanket our passions as being for all Christians. Forgetting that God can be just as glorified by my passion for scripture as He can your passion for the homeless. We just aren't called to be the same. And it's ok. And probably even needed. I for one am ready for us to be more aware of the possibility that we don't have the be all end all passion. Because I just don't want to feel like I need to hide my true self from others' opinions anymore.</div>
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I have done the one word goal for I don't know 4-5 years now. Last year it was Laugh- and I certainly broke free from a lot of anxiety. But this year I am going with REST. I'm taking a rest from other people's opinions. I'm taking a rest from the pressure to be the best teacher. I'm taking a rest with myself and my many imperfections. I'm taking a rest from the imperfections of others. I'm resting from my own opinions I think. I just want to rest in focus on God alone- and all the rest can fall where it will.</div>
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It's possible another good word would be Purge. Because I just want to get rid of the distractions and the discouragements and 'others focused things'. I want to purge my belongings so I can rest without the clutter of my excess. So cheers to you 2015. Because this is the year that I am resting in who I am in Christ. Because I'm not who you are in Christ. And that's ok. I have no doubt that God has a plan for my life. And I have no doubt that His plan for you is different. And that both- though they be wildly different- are good.</div>
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ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-58218814185770275602014-10-30T19:55:00.002-06:002014-10-30T19:55:37.642-06:00Hill Country Lovin'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This past weekend our little family spent the most magical weekend in the Texas Hill Country. It couldn't have come at a better time, as mental health breaks are a definite need this year :) <br />
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Each year the sponsor church for Jimmy's parents' ministry takes a retreat into Hunt, Texas. We met the church members as well as Jimmy's mom, sister, niece, and nephew at the camp. We headed through many small towns to the middle of nowhere. Jimmy and I mostly entertained ourselves by singing 90s songs- and I showed him my ability to hit high notes, Mariah Carey style (kidding).<br />
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Jude got to have yet another birthday celebration when we got there where he got some amazing cupcakes, as well as a Ninja Turtle. My favorite is that Mimi recorded a prayer in the hand. It is such a blessing to hear that little prayer being said over and over from his bedroom. And I love just the thought of the Spirit filling his bedroom each time he presses it.<br />
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Of course camp included the usual things such as marshmallows, fishing- Jude caught his first fish!, canoeing, and lots of time with new friends and cousins. We were right on the Guadalupe River, so it made for a lot of fun and was just overall beautiful. Jimmy and I decided we need to make getaways a regular part of our life. It is just so good to be able to sit surrounded by nature and pray, read your Bible, and visit with family.</div>
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This fishing pole was actually Jude's birthday request. He was adamant about taking his new fishing pole with us, and even more adamant about using it. So excited that he was able to catch one! Love that he is such a little wilderness boy.<br />
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On Saturday, we drove out to Lost Maples State Park. This has always been on my 'Texas to do list' because my parents had mentioned how you can see brilliant fall colors out there. Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten cold enough yet to see many of the colors. It was still beautiful to be able to walk through the woods. There were lots of springs and small wading pools from the river to relax at. It's such a great park, and would be fun in all seasons. We really need to go back!<br />
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Saturday evening we had a great time visiting with the church members over barbecue. My personal favorite was the fireside sing along with "Ole Blue", the hymnal. Jude and I actually have a copy of Ole Blue which I bought at Denton Thrift; we sing from it nightly. I am 80 at heart, and just think there is such great richness in the old hymns. Jude's favorite hymn is Standing On The Promises- which we sang. He is still talking about how awesome it was to sing that at the camp. In general it was just magical for me to get to sing those old forgotten songs like 'Farther Along'. <br />
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Unfortunately, in the midst of the singing, I got dive bombed by a bee. Which I then brushed off hastily. Which then landed on and stung my leg. I haven't had a bee sting since I was 7 years old. I had NO idea they hurt so bad! Luckily, I had my oils. I used lavender oil, Gentle Baby, and Pan Away routinely every 20 minutes for an hour, and then a few times at night if I woke up and thought about it. I also kept ice on it. It swelled up some and hurt like CRAZY that night. I reapplied the oils a few times that morning. But I kid you not- I have not had any swelling or pain since lunchtime on Sunday. You could see the sting on my leg and some swelling, but it didn't hurt. And you know what is even more amazing- by Sunday night it wasn't noticeable. AND it never itched- I was told over and over/read over and over about how badly bee stings itch. Well it's Thursday night and it hasn't hurt since Sunday afternoon and has Never itched!!!!!! It really helped my body recuperate. I love my oils!<br />
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Anyway, that Sunday after lunch, we all headed home, quite reluctantly. It is so good to get away. I need to do that more often. I just really really love the peaceful sounds of quiet rivers and trees rustling in the wind. The scamper of squirrels and acorns hitting the ground. The sunshine through tree tops and children laughing. The fresh air filling my lungs. Singing hymns with my family around a fire. Perfect fall evening. Take me back.<br />
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ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-42356353976005551242014-10-13T19:06:00.000-06:002015-05-26T15:55:41.393-06:00On My Heart- School, hormones, darknessWhat a title right? This entire fall seems clouded in overall darkness. I started my back to school time with more difficulties than in any year previous. Difficulty after difficulty seems to be coming my way with my job. Mostly, I just cry a lot. But I also know The Lord is always doing something through the circumstances. I truly believe there is a purpose in my discontent, and that within a few years I will see this time through the lens of understanding. Praise the Lord for that!<br />
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But there is darkness beyond just my back to school time. There seems to be extreme darkness all over the world. Christians are being violently persecuted the world over. Darkness has consumed people with such hate. It's hard to understand where God is in the face of such tragedy. And of course that's just one facet of darkness consuming the people of the world. Extreme disease is ravaging the world over. It approaches even my own backyard at this point. Growing up, it always seemed like world tragedies were these obscure things 'happening over there'. Now, we can see how small the world really is as there aren't many world tragedies that aren't creeping here to our well insulated United States. The Lord has always seemed to have a hedge of protection around our country. That's clearly not the case anymore. It's interesting to think about. The world continues to 'progress' itself farther and farther from The Lord. And as we 'progress' it gets more dangerous just to be alive it feels. There aren't much obvious reasons to correlate the two. It's just the Lord is very clear that when we quit seeking His face, he will remove his hand, his grace. And when he removes his hand dangers will follow. Anyway, I don't know the answers being stirred by His Spirit. I just know His Spirit is stirring circumstances and hearts. Now is the time to seek His face until He comes- I think it's closer than we think. It's easy to push that off as crazy talk, but the Bible is very clear that many of us will be caught off guard when Christ returns. If you haven't done so, choose today who you will serve. The time really is now.<br />
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And yet the Lord continues to be gracious, ever so gracious in our lives. He showers us with grace upon grace and gift upon gift. If you aren't a Christian, I beg you to seek Him. Not because of the usual salvation reasons, just because there is such beauty in viewing the world through His Lens. I think so many things would pass my vision unappreciated were in not for the Holy Spirit opening my eyes to His Hand. Little things that make me stop and praise Him- for example- did you know that this year I apparently got my first angry parent email of my career. I have been blessed to have decent relationships with all my parents over the years, but apparently this year, I had a parent upset with me based off an email I sent to my current class parents group. This parent replied to ALL with a pretty scathing email. I think at least 75% of my parents brought this email up in my parent conferences. <em>And yet God in His GRACE caused that email to somehow never make it to my inbox</em>. It's not in my deleted mail, it's not in my junk mail. He literally blocked an email that probably would have emotionally wrecked me. The Lord watches out for His Children, yall. How could you ever want to live without His Protection? He blesses me beyond measure- beyond what I could ever fully understand. <br />
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And He continues to bless my life via oils. I currently use Fertility Awareness to monitor my body. Yes it's old school, but I have had really bad side effects with other plans, which is not worth it. The amazing thing about that method is that you become so in tune with your own hormones and body. I have been able to understand that I only get one type of headache- hormonal headaches- through this method. I learned that I ovulate really late- which means I'm low on progesterone- because of this method. I also learned that this could be due to use of Prozac based pills. How invaluable is this information?! I started monitoring this back in March/April, and I am so pleased by what I understand about myself now. Since then, the Lord has led me to Young Living oils, which he has used to support my emotional system while I weaned off anxiety medication (praise the Lord, I am 100% weaned off now!). He led me to a friend who shared with me the importance of magnesium, which has helped curb insomnia, hormonal issues, and headaches. And I have started using endoflex and progesterone plus, both of which are by Young Living. I have made it through a cycle without any hormonal headaches for the first time probably ever. (Headaches have been a part of my often life for as long as I can remember...). And I just noticed in my charting this month that my progesterone appears to be at normal levels for the first time since I started charting! How glorious is The Lord who heals! This is such a gracious relief, not just because my daily/monthly life is less of an emotional roller coaster, but also because I have less fears about the future and trying to have children. He is so gracious! And y'all, I know there are thousands of oil companies in the world, but this is why I think Young Living is the best- because the plethora of effective products they have just is unable to be compared. Young Living has blend after blend after supplement after supplement. It is the oil company of oil companies to me. I took a long road finding them, but I am so thankful the Lord led me to just the right spot. He is the Gentle Shepherd who leads me to the right waters. There is nothing like the personal love I know The Lord has for me. The way He seeks me out to bless me and take care of me and show me that He is the God who sees me! Oh that you would look up and see Him too.<br />
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Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise the Lord who commands His angels to protect us, surround us and hedge us in. Praise the Lord who longs to give good gifts to His children. I'm so glad Christ came to me. I'd love to talk to you about oils for sure. But I'd really love to talk to you about the Lord. I'm feeling particularly blessed by Him tonight :)<br />
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Blessings upon you!ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-2579844322822106472014-09-22T19:30:00.000-06:002015-05-26T15:57:22.581-06:00The Lord is my Strength and my Song<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<em><span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: large;">he has become my salvation."</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: #674ea7; font-size: large;">~ Exodus 15:2</span></em></div>
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I read this verse about a week ago during my quiet time. I have always read through the Bible during my quiet times, and about the time I headed back to school I also landed myself once again in Exodus. And because The Lord is sovereign over even my 'reading through the Bible', I could not have found a more ummm 'appropriate' time to land with the Israelites in the desert.</div>
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This school year is kicking my tail. Maybe it was the fact that I spent the first 7 school days in the only room in the building with no AC, where it actually <em>felt</em> like the desert. Actually, though, it's all these little things seem to have collided in my classroom to make something of a perfect storm. Isn't it weird how rarely it's something majorly catastrophic, but more the daily little annoyances that add up and ultimately break us down? </div>
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Needless to say, I'm honestly broken. Everyday as I read about the Israelites struggles through the wilderness, I truly empathize and get it. This verse above really convicted me when I read it. It doesn't matter how many little annoyances stack up- even if they stack as high as the Red Sea. I have a song to sing. I've been redeemed, and I need to sing so! </div>
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Of course, knowing I need to and actually choosing to do it in the moment are totally different things. Right now, I'm not. What I'm really doing is crying and trusting that the Lord will draw near the broken hearted. </div>
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And of course He does. He gives me just enough strength to keep going. Even if it is truly just one day at a time. My goals this year look a lot different this year. (and let's be honest, thus far, I am failing miserably with my goals...)</div>
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1. Use a heck of a lot of JOY oil. Heavens to Betsy- if this oil did not exist, I might lose my ever loving mind. I am diffusing it all day every day. I have a much easier time letting the frustrating moments roll off my back if I use it a lot. What I need to do is train myself to stop when I am overwhelmed.... run straight to my Joy bottle... huff and apply... Reallllyyyy need to get better about that.</div>
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2. Use a lot of Release oil on the tense spots. It amazes me how you can just feel tension in your body. My lower back and shoulders are in knots by 3:00. Release truly lives up to its name- the tension leaves me and I can feel it. It's pretty amazing honestly because you can feel the difference so quickly. I will never stop ceasing to be amazed by oils- thankful for them so much!</div>
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3. Never miss a quiet time. Yes, I wake up at 4:30 each morning. Some mornings I don't get my makeup on. All mornings I eat breakfast on my way out the door. But oh how beautiful are my minutes with The Lord in the still and the quiet. He nourishes my soul in ways I can't explain. I feel like I'm on survival mode- but survival mode isn't possible without Him! I'm so thankful He is personal! That early alarm clock is worth soo soo much more than an extra 30 minutes of sleep!</div>
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4. I really, really, really need to get back on the 1000 gifts train. I do add gifts each morning during my quiet time. But I need to do more- I need to collect the gifts throughout my day. Sigh. Someone hold me accountable and text me during the day to ask what I'm thankful for!</div>
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5. Let it go! Let it go! While I've gotten really good at letting my tears go and fall at will, I really need to let go of what I thought this year would look like and accept the reality. Somewhere in all this, my reality is a gift. Probably because I have prayed for The Lord to give me a gentle and quiet spirit of peace. Which of course, only comes through trial. Where your patience is tested. So I guess what I'm really trying to say is that The Lord has answered my prayers :) (It's amazing to me that I still pray God create virtues in me- even though I know that process is PainFul!)</div>
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6. Take time to recharge. I used to be married to my job. But I know wearing me out doesn't do anyone any good. This year I'm dedicating myself to not staying late. (yes, there are days it's unavoidable... but by and large.... I choose life!) And the truth is my mission is to love God, love Jimmy, love Jude, love my class- in that order. A life with skewed priorities is going to fail eventually.</div>
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7. Enjoy shared reading! I don't love every part of my day. But I love shared reading with big books with this class! I sort of wish it was at the end of the day so I could look forward to it. But- regardless, it is the best part of my day! Viva la shared reading!</div>
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What are your tips for walking through the desert? I need them!</div>
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ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-14981491850275590542014-08-30T13:23:00.001-06:002014-08-30T13:25:25.485-06:00Young Living Giving- and Voices of the Martyrs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://www.persecution.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="www.persecution.com" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a3z9hYDg_Is/VAIkZBCAMuI/AAAAAAAAE14/0r7WO4ZuSSY/s1600/1_1_photo_home_help_prisoneralert.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">picture links to Voices of the Martyrs</span></div>
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I have been a part of Young Living since May, and have been sharing it since June. I mentioned a few posts back about using my Young Living money- since it's technically lagniappe- to give back. Then I looked at my budget, and realized maybe it's not all lagniappe. Maybe it's the Lord being gracious to provide extra when my mortgage went up my a lot this year... and I am still paying off stupid medical bills from before I discovered oils... But I'm still giving some. <br />
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Someone was asking me about this recently in reference to tithing and such. I guess I didn't make that clear before. I already tithe $270 a month to church as well as $38 a month to Compassion International. That's $318 a month that I had already established to give which is about exactly 10% of my earnings. When I said I was going to use Young Living to give back, I don't mean that it's my tithe. My tithe is already accounted for. This is extra (lagniappe). This is me just enjoying being able to give back to The Lord who is truly the one behind growing anything that is happening with Young Living. And this is more 'fun' than my tithes because I get to pick a different charity each month depending on what is on my heart that month. </div>
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The checks come about a month after I've earned them. Meaning I've received a check for earnings in June and now in July. In June I used the whole $50 check to donate money to Catholic Charities of Dallas specifically the unaccompanied minors fund. Those kiddos were on my heart then, and I got to do something about it! This month what has been on my heart is Christian persecution within Islamic borders. I hate what I am seeing. I pray for God's mighty intervention and mercy on their behalf. In America, we just forget how lucky we are that we can worship however we want. This is NOT the case for many countries. </div>
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I have long been a subscriber to the monthly publication of Voices of the Martyrs. This particular organization goes behind enemy lines bringing needs, aid, Bibles, food, legal help, you name it to Christians who are currently imprisoned or in hiding for their faith. I've read their publications for years, but just have never had the extra money to really get involved. Thanks to Young Living, I can. I was actually able to specifically donate money to help suffering Christians within Muslim counties through their donation page. This is a huge blessing! Of course we have all been praying. But it's hard to know what else to do beyond that. Young Living (and those of you who have joined my team) are helping me give back to them. Again, it was $50 donated this month. (My check was actually bigger, but some of it goes to the extras like Higley references which I buy for people who sign up under me, etc.) Regardless, the Lord is able to use that to help those in need. And that's amazing! Young Living was a life change for me, I get to help people who sign up change their life too, and then donate money to further that life change. The Lord is good!</div>
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For those of you interested, I would love to mentor you on your own journey. There is opportunity to bless your family and then turn around and bless others. Soli deo gloria!</div>
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Enroller/sponsor 1831568</div>
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email me at rinehartash@gmail.com</div>
ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-79419687792596684232014-08-24T17:27:00.001-06:002014-08-24T17:27:49.632-06:00Community- and why it makes me love Young Living more<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I'm thankful for community. Often when I'm at church, we discuss the power of Biblical community and how walking together helps us grow in our relationship with the Lord. This is certainly true, and I very thankful for the community group we joined earlier this summer. There is something special about having a place of belonging and learning.<br />
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There are, of course. so many pockets of community in every life that are wonderful. I'm thankful for the community of colleagues I work with at Savannah. Just like my community group, it's a place where I belong, where I share what I'm doing as a teacher, and I learn from and am held accountable by other teachers. This is my second year on this campus, and starting this year I can see how much I've learned from others, from my mistakes, and just the good that is my place there.<br />
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And I have the community of my friends and family. The people who know me closely. The ones I don't have to explain who I am or what I am because they already know. This past weekend I met with my former team members/friends for our monthly-ish Chick Fil A play date at 7:30am Saturday. It's such a sweet time of coffee and conversation while the kids play. <br />
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Yesterday afternoon I realized how thankful I was for a new community God graciously brought into my life- Young Living. I realize that mlm companies can be weird for a lot of people. And I totally would agree BUT those various levels in that mlm system are my mentors, new friends, and community. Beginning a health journey like essential oils is so much more than just buying some oils and using them. To do it well, knowledgeably, and consistently, requires community. You could try to just buy it and get started. But I think you'd miss out on so much. I am so blessed by my access to the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Sp.oil.edLivingKH?fref=ts" target="_blank">Sp.Oil.Ed living community</a>, and the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/EssentiallySpeaking?fref=ts" target="_blank">Essentially Speaking community</a>, and the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AnointedLivingforLife?fref=ts" target="_blank">Anointed Living community</a>. All of these ladies are my various upline levels. (And all of them live here in my neighborhood which is a bonus!) And while there are these public forums, by my joining their communities, I received invites into private forums where we can share with each other our successes, ask each other questions, and just generally support each other. Community- it's really the only way to do life. And when you are doing something as important as taking charge of your health, community is a must. I am so thankful for my EO community- and all the communities in my life.<br />
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**<i>If you would like to be invited to join the Essentially Speaking and Anointed Living communities, email me at rinehartash@gmail.com. Sharing with you my oily journey and guiding you is a wonderful privilege and one I am happy to share with all these ladies.</i><br />
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<i>yl distributor/enroller/sponsor 1831568</i>ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-555494368854346942014-07-27T13:10:00.003-06:002014-08-30T13:25:51.050-06:00On putting my money where my mouth is<br />
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I once blogged about <a href="http://www.heyjudedylan.blogspot.com/2012/07/chasing-fire-part-1.html" target="_blank">giving of the fat of our lives</a> and how that might have looked for me a couple years ago. My 2012 theme was contentment seeking to reject more wordly things so I could give more. Many clergy have sought this life through monasteries and such for years, so this is hardly profound. But it's hard- In some ways, I have rejected some of these things, but other things seem to constantly fill their place. I daily fight the urge to serve 2 masters.<br />
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I've justified that different ways. For a long time I justified it because I was so busy being Christ's hands and feet to so many needy children at my previous school. And looking back- as hard as that was and as much as I poured into loving them- I don't think I was completely wrong in that. But I've since moved schools, so the emotional and physical sacrifice is different.<br />
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I also justified that because I was a single mom with a pretty dead beat ex husband. Doing it all on my own was really hard in every way, including financially. I worked really hard to give back the ways that I did, and I do think that the Lord understood. But that excuse is also now null and void because the Lord has provided Jude and I an amazing husband/father figure who provides help for us in so many ways.<br />
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Currently, I do tithe to my church most of my 10% that I make. The rest of that 10% I put towards sponsoring a child through <a href="http://www.compassion.com/" target="_blank">Compassion International</a>. I do think that's an awesome thing to do. I'd like to think that's enough. And then I read books like <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Taking-Faith-American-Dream/dp/1601422210/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406486848&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+david+platt" target="_blank">Radical</a> or <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Kisses-Katie-Story-Relentless-Redemption/dp/1451612095/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406486881&sr=8-1&keywords=kisses+from+katie+book" target="_blank">Kisses for Katie</a>, and I wonder if it really is. Is minimum really good enough? I mean Christ wandered homeless basically to share truth with the world. Paul was in chains most of his ministry it seemed like. Am I really being a good steward? I just don't really know. I know I've struggled with budgeting- but I don't need *more* money. I need to use what I have better. And I do want to do more. I want to break the chains that tie me to materialism. I don't want to need what this world offers.<br />
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Recently, the Lord has provided this little side job of sharing oils. Now, lets not pretend that I make much more than some spending cash on it, because I don't. But I make something- it's nice to have. It's also not a need. So I am committing this extra cash to The Lord. For now, it's not so hard to give this little bits to him. Maybe one day it will get harder. But honestly, the Lord created this whole knowledge, opportunity, everything, so it's honestly His business. Not mine at all. (this is always the case...) So anyway, I just want to say publicly <u>so that I can be held accountable</u>- Money I make off of Young Living oils will be given to a specific cause each month. I'm going to share the cause each month hoping that I can keep myself on top of it. And who knows- it could be fun to share what The Lord does with this!<br />
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So for this month I gave my $50 to <a href="http://www.catholiccharitiesdallas.org/unaccompanied-minors/index_html" target="_blank">Catholic Charities of Dallas</a> to help with the unaccompanied minors entering our state. If you aren't aware of the increasingly insane numbers of Latin American children coming across our borders with no families, you need to be. It's incredibly sad to think about the amount of tragedy these children have experience and continue to experience. I am hopeful to find more hands on ways to help these children. Really, I'd just like to find a way to give them my extra bedroom! But for now, I will be satisfied with donating. (and if you know of a way I can help out more please let me know!)<br />
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I am so thankful The Lord provided oils for my healing and pray He can use this small sum to heal others!<br />
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If you would like more info about Young Living Essential Oils, email me at rinehartash@gmail.com or find me on facebook at Ashley Sitton to be invited to an online class myself and a friend are doing on July 31st.<br />
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Young Living enroller and sponsor #1831568<br />
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<br />ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-39251137775184726162014-07-23T15:46:00.002-06:002015-05-26T16:04:58.576-06:00Why Young Living won my oily heart<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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So I am sold on Young Living these days. For me, there is just so many reasons I feel 100% comfortable with using these in my home. I came to that conclusion because that's where I felt the research led me. I really, really encourage all people to do their own research, but I am going to share some of my main reasons for choosing Young Living Essential Oils.<br />
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1- <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;">Over 20 years of history in the oil business. </span></b> I like this because after a generation, one can tell if there are going to be any adverse effects. Young Living has been around long enough to know if there is a problem with their oils. I find that incredibly reassuring to know that they have been truly tested over time.</div>
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2. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;"><b>Years of research.</b></span> Research which actually other companies quote. The frankincense's effect on cancer cells research was done (and is continuing to be done) using Young Living frankincense. This doesn't mean that other company's frankincense is bad. But there is a certain comfort in knowing that you know that you know this frankincense has been actually studied as helping with cancer. And that's just one example. Most of the research is shared as fact by other companies- it's just what I have found is that the research is based on Young Living oils- and other companies are just repeating their info.</div>
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<i>*this is actually the biggest reason I went with Young Living</i></div>
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3. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;"><b>Effectiveness. </b></span> Big oils like the immune boosting blends, peppermint, the pain blends were just more effective. No they don't always smell as sweet or taste as sweet as other brands- but they work better, and I think that's important. I've also noticed over time that the effects of the Young Living oils seem to last longer than others. I felt like for pain especially, I had to reapply and reapply and reapply previously. But with Young Living, the amounts of time between reapplication are longer.</div>
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4. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;"><b>Emotional research + options. </b></span> The amount of blends Young Living has for emotional related issues is intense. Blending oils is a tricky business- and not something an amateur can always effectively do. With other oils, I had to blend more on my own. With Young Living, most of them have already been expertly blended for me. No guessing on the effective and correct amounts of each oil or which oil to put in first (because all these little details make a HUGE difference). And Young Living is doing an incredible amount of research with emotions and oils- there is an entire kit out new this year about this very thing! The research and testimonies on it are amazing. And again, instead of guessing on it yourself, Young Living did the research for you.</div>
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5. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;"><b>Health research + options.</b></span> I don't know as much about this, but there are multiple blends Young Living has that target major body systems: heart, muscles, liver, immune system. I actually tried mixing up my own blend for heart flutters from anxiety. Which is ok, but it was a total guessing game. Young Living, again, took the guessing out. A lot of the oils are ones I put in my blend, but unlike my blend, it is blended with wisdom and knowledge about oils.</div>
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6. <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;">Seed to Seal.</span></b> This just means that Young Living isn't paying someone else for their oils. They plant the seeds, grow the seeds, harvest, distill, bottle the entire thing themselves. Now I am not going to be as die hard about this one simply because I am more of an 'empower the local' person. And in many ways, this might be the one thing I differ with YL about. But I will say I like that Young Living is truly an essential oil company in every sense of the word- not just a distributor of oils if that makes sense.</div>
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7. <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;"> Payment plan. </span></b> If you are interested in the business side, I actually think Young Living is more profitable. For one thing, you make $30 more with Young Living for each person who signs up. Previously, I would have had to really 'build my pyramid' to do much with it. Which isn't what I really wanted to do. I love sharing oils with people, but I have no interest in strategizing some hierarchy plan. Young Living much more would work for someone like me who likes sharing, but isn't looking to do much with it full time. I could actually do more than possibly (on a good day) break even!</div>
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8. <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;">Research on frequencies. </span></b> Young Living studies body frequencies a ton. I don't understand this completely yet. However, they studied the frequency of a person who was feeling joy, determined the number, and then set out to create a blend that had the same frequency as a person feeling joy. Thus you have the Joy blend. That is amazing to me. They didn't just blend oils that produce euphoric feelings, there was a mathematical reasoning behind it. Powerful!</div>
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9. <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;">Young Living did it first. </span></b> There are plenty of other oil companies now. Some are perfectly fine and safe. Some you should use with caution. But all of them came After Young Living. And the more I look at other companies, the more I see them compare themselves to Young Living. Young Living is the standard, the original, and all these other companies are setting themselves up to compete with Young Living. There might be great things about other companies, but Young Living still started it. Personally, I prefer the original.</div>
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10. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-size: large;"><b>Research. </b></span> I just want to repeat that one. My research confirmed that this was the right company, and I continue to come back amazed with the research that backs this company up. Even precaution wise. Young Living has really introduced me to the importance of using precaution with oils and little ones and which ones can cause an adverse reaction. I can't imagine not knowing this information! And I certainly can't imagine sharing these with others without that information!</div>
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If you would like to know more about Young Living's kit, scroll back because there are posts and posts on my opinions on the kit. And if you are interested in learning more, email me at rinehartash@gmail.com or click the link to my facebook page <a href="https://www.facebook.com/SweetlyWornBlog" target="_blank">Sweetly Worn Blog</a></div>
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Enroller and Sponsor #1831568</div>
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ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-42932075657572429462014-06-13T19:19:00.000-06:002014-06-13T19:19:05.329-06:00Book ClubOne summer a wonderful friend of mine started a book club for all the teachers from Lee Elementary to join. I'm not even sure how many years ago this was anymore. Maybe 5. We've read a lot of books together during the summers. Stalked a Denton murderers house together. Eaten a lot of brunch foods together. Watched each other have babies. Watched those babies grow up. Seen babies happen who no one expected to happen. The original founder moved to Seattle last year, but book club keeps going. One of our members is moving to West Texas this summer. A new teacher has since joined our ranks. I am sure these movements won't be the last both in and out of the group.<br />
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Sometimes you are just looking down at your book and thinking about book club and you realized you are blessed to have something that has been a part of your life for close to 5 years. So thankful for the amazing people I got to know while I was teaching at Lee. #1000gifts<br />
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At book club this week #timemarcheson - I think I was probably pregnant when book club started.</div>
ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-70037238810239306702014-05-14T20:54:00.003-06:002014-05-14T20:54:44.674-06:00Love Without Borders- RedemptionThis Tuesday I wrapped up 8 weeks of pretty grueling Bible study going through the book of Exodus with the focus of Redemption of the Israelites and how it relates to our current struggles. I completely impulsively signed up for this one Sunday at the church we had really just started visiting. Completely weird, like all things in my life, but ultimately shows that God is directing me even when I have no idea what is happening.<br />
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I signed up because I knew I was getting married in July (2 mos!) and I thought it would be a good idea to fully clean up the 'small, remaining issues' I had from abortion/abusive marriage/divorce. HA. I thought I should just deal with my remaining anxiety and franticness that came because I lived in fear for several years.<br />
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That's not why I ended up going. I'm still figuring out why I ended up going, and that is a process I am sure will continue many more days/weeks/months. But what I do know is this: I went because I believed a false gospel. I believed (probably still do believe most days) that while grace saved me, I was expected to be perfect. I have completely twisted the verse where Christ says 'be perfect as I am perfect' to mean try try try and slave away. I've hated myself for every mistake, and have completely missed the truth that <b>I can't be the perfect one</b>. Instead of falling to my knees in worship thanking Christ for His righteousness, I have daily dethroned him trying to beat myself into impossible perfection. With every failure big or small, I saw disappointment and expected consequences. I think I've sort of assumed my marriage/divorce happened because God punished me for having an abortion. <br />
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But that's not it at all. He was there the whole time calling, begging me to come back come back come back. Softly at first. And then ever so loudly at the end because that was the only way to get my attention. The whole time though, <i>he adored me</i>. He saw me covered and perfect. I may see tainted and failure, but He doesn't. <br />
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He sees me as His child.<br />
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That's the thought that started all the change of perspective for me. I have struggled with how easily I lose my patience with Jude. He is my atonement child- the child God used to save me from total hate and total inability to comprehend God's love following an abortion. He is the child God used to save me from an abusive marriage. He is the child God used to save me from dangerous ends when I thought panic attacks were going to drive me over the edge and life was terrifying. I have hated myself for every time I've wanted to be alone and Jude was there. I have hated myself for every time I've hurt his feelings when I overreact to something. The mistakes I make with Jude have made me despise myself as much as having an abortion ever did. And I know what a precious atoning gift he is- and I hate that I am as ungrateful as the Israelites in those moments.<br />
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But He sees me as His child. He sees me exhausted day in and day out. He sees me frantically trying to hold 84,000 spinning plates in the air. I have put 100% of the responsibility of Jude's everything on myself his entire life. And God sees that. He sees me as a child whos exhausted and crying because they are over tired. And just like I don't get angry at Jude for acting like a tired 4 year old, He doesn't get angry at me for acting like a tired momma. He just wants me to let him take that burden. Just like I want Jude to calm himself and let me tuck him in bed. <br />
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I have had grace for countless children being angry in my classroom because I knew they had rough home lives and couldn't take much more. I have had grace for jumpy, moving little bodies because I knew they just didn't have it in them to sit any longer. But it just never occurred to me that God has that kind of grace for me. He is so intimately aware of my weaknesses and breaking points. And He doesn't get mad at me for having them- He just wants me to let Him take over from there. <br />
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So I'm learning to turn it over. I wish that made me the mom I want to be. But it doesn't. Last night I got home late. And Jude was exhausted and crying. And my brain was so fried I sat through a drive through and completely forgot to roll down the window to order. So I just sat in the line for no reason basically. So when I made it back around and he punched the straw through the styrofoam cup, I can't say I handled it right at all. But Grace was there. And He knew how tired I was and how hard that can be for me. And while I wish I had handled it different, for the first time I am able to rest in the fact that His mercies <i>are</i> new every second. And I can believe He didn't love me any less because of that. And I believe I'm always forgiven. And for me, that's pretty huge.<br />
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He loves me without borders of perfection.ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-33870012956657393042014-01-01T09:45:00.000-06:002014-01-01T09:45:20.408-06:002013- year of freedom<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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2013 ended with a bang for me. Jimmy and I took a little getaway trip to Corpus Christi. We walked the Texas prairies, coastal beaches, and got engaged! I don't think it could have ended better. Minus the fact I have had strep since Sunday and today is the first day I feel alive. Overall, it ended well.<br />
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As this morning was the first I could form functional thoughts, I was pondering where I was a year ago. Last year, I chose to focus on "flying free" for 2013. Last year, I was having a hard time opening myself up to Jimmy. I was holding so much back. Last year at this time, I was battling monstrous panic attacks, extreme anxiety. I started counseling right after the first of the year in hopes that I could be free of the fear that crippled me for so long.<br />
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<i>God provided.</i> I haven't had panic attacks since January of last year. I went to counseling through the spring and was able to lay to rest so many hurts I had held close for years. I learned how to set boundaries for myself. I learned how to use self care effectively, but not selfishly. I learned how to open up. I learned how to articulate the things I worried about before they ate me alive. In a lot of ways, there is great freedom from anxiety. That being said, I am not free from the need of medication. Sometimes thats 'a hard pill to swallow' because that isn't what I want. But at the same time, it certainly keeps me humble, and it certainly keeps me at the feet of God. I can never wander too far from knowing how desperately I need him. Although, it's a difficult reality, there is some blessing in those thorns.<br />
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In 2013, I made thankfulness a habit. It was so hard and still is. Yet, I recognize in the moments that I need to find things to be thankful for. The good moments never fail to wash over me- this sea of peace and beauty. The difficult moments- though they are hard and I struggle- I am fully conscious of my need to be thankful and I <i>force</i> the thanks out. That's such a thought process change for me. A sign of being free from the circumstances and free to look up.<br />
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This last part of the year I've found myself in a new job, learning so much new new new new. There are certainly growing pains, but those are good. Overall, I feel so blessed to be where I am. I love being able to teach such kind, engaged kids. I cannot stop thanking God for my 22 kids! <br />
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I ended the year deeply involved in the relationships in my little family to be. As I learned to open up, Jimmy and I built deeper foundations. He is the very definition of shepherd leader, and I am continually amazed by his goodness. Words do not express the way I learn from his example. Or the way he helps me breathe and let go. I just feel like I'm ending 2013 with so many things having gently blown away like dandelions in the wind. I don't know when I let them go, but I did, and I think it is largely due in part to Jimmy's steadiness day in and day out. <br />
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And of course Jude- the light of my life. He remains hilarious and joyous and affectionate. He calls me to account with his tears. He makes me laugh when I'm upset. He will always be the 'praised' one for me. He has been my sole source of joy for so many years, and I am thankful for him beyond words. God knew how much I would need that. He has been the light leading me forward and helping me get up day after day. ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-60052288861214857812013-12-01T17:30:00.001-06:002013-12-01T17:30:57.542-06:00Thanksgiving Week <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Thanksgiving week in pictures:</div>
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<i>Jude and I had some pictures taken for our Christmas cards. I gave up on having Jimmy take them for me in a cute local. It has been the rainiest fall here on the weekends.</i><br />
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<i>We had two Thanksgivings. On Thanksgiving Day, Jude and I went with Jimmy to his great aunts house. His grandparents always come up to Ft. Worth for the holidays, so it was nice to get to see them. This was the first time they had met Jude :)</i><br />
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<i>We also did a Thanksgiving dinner yesterday (Saturday) with my family. My {pregnant} sister was very adamant that she needed specific sides and dishes my mom has always made this holiday. We all worked together to comply. It was kind of fun though because my sister and I planned a lot of it, and my mom worked with us. I don't think all 3 of us have ever done Thanksgiving together, so it was fun to think about. You know those moments where you are like- oh I'm an adult- it was like that. </i><br />
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<i>Jimmy was actually in charge of the turkey though. My neighbor recently gave me his old grill which is half propane/ half charcoal smoker. Jimmy really wanted to try smoking the turkey, and I was more than willing to allow him that priviledge. He did an amazing job- even waking up at 4:30 to start smoking it. It had an amazing mequite smoked flavor. Heavens to Betsy... And now Jimmy is going to be taking up a smoking habit. And I am all 'ohmygoshbrisket!!!!'</i><br />
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<i>In true Rinehart fashion, we ended the day by playing a game of 5 Crowns and Catch Phrase. Jude hadn't napped all day. We looked over from our games and saw that he had fallen asleep in the middle of Spiderman. Such a sweet kid. He never once complained or cried.</i><br />
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<i>He ended up just taking the perfect cat nap- short enough to allow him to go to sleep easily tonight, and long enough to allow him to regain some energy. We spent the evening celebrating my dad's birthday and just enjoying our time together. It was perfect :)</i>ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-22645240620627339622013-11-26T07:26:00.001-06:002013-11-26T07:26:12.807-06:00The Spiritual Discipline of ThanksIf you know me well enough to be my facebook friend, you know this about me: I count my blessings every day. They are numbered and listed in my status update every morning. This has earned me a reputation as having a thankful heart. But that's only partly true.<div>
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In June of 2012, I read <u>1000 Gifts</u> by Ann Voskamp. Next to the Bible, I would say that book has done more to change my life than any other. It felt like she wrote that straight to my heart. She talks about her struggle to understand God's grace and how He really is good. She talks about her struggles with fear and anxiety, to the point of involving cutting and panic attacks and medicine. My heart rejoiced as I read her struggles because I realized I wasn't the only one. </div>
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At the time I read this book, I had had a daily intake of xanax for about 6 months. In January of 2012, all the pressure and fear that came out of my marriage and divorce and carrying the entire world collided into days of sheer panic and sleeplessness. I knew exactly how she felt because I was in the midst of that storm myself. And so, I took every word she said to heart. I drank in the ways counting gifts changed her life and prayed fervently that it would do the same to mine. I don't even think I had finished reading the book before I bought a notebook and began to write gifts as I saw them.</div>
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<i>1. My toddler singing chips and salsa songs at breakfast</i></div>
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<i>2. Surprise opportunity to go to Toddler Art at the DMA</i></div>
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<i>3. A child's thank you</i></div>
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<i>4. Jude asking a baby if he was ok.</i></div>
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<i>5. Covered porches</i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; color: black;"><i>These pictures are of us at toddler art.</i></span></div>
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I actually very clearly remember this day. Jude and I had the best time together at that toddler art class. It was probably one of the first truly happy days I had had in a long time. Over the last 18 months, I have continued to count my gifts. Sometimes diligently, sometimes the list has fallen to the wayside. Although whether or not I wrote them down, I noticed a direct shift in my thinking once I started that list. Little things I wouldn't have noticed before began to take on significance. I remember driving back from my sisters and noticing the way sunlight reflected in rainbows off of the speed limit sign and being joyful. How many gifts and opportunities for thankfulness had I missed in my previous 28 years by not opening my eyes?</div>
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Fast forward to now and I'm still counting. As of this moment, my last gift was <i>#1339- Rising before the sun in my dark, quiet house to read my Bible. </i>Earlier this school year (August probably) I started posting the new bits of the list each day on facebook. I have had numerous people tell me that it encourages them to read all that I am thankful for. I'm thankful for that :) I hope that it helps other people see the little things they have to be thankful for on a daily basis. I hope that it reminds them that God is good and His grace is everywhere.</div>
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But I will tell you what that list does not mean. It does not mean I am wonderously happy all the time. I am not constantly skipping and singing through life. Compared to 18 months ago- I am enormously more joyful, definitely. It has changed my attitude in every way possible. I see God in more and I stop to pray more. It gets easier and easier every day to find the good. When I first started this, it was <i>hard.</i> I remember sitting in my classroom last year literally straining to find something I could be thankful for. I would eventually find something, but it wasn't easy.</div>
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I've since learned it isn't supposed to be. Giving thanks has a reputation for being this magical Christian attitude that just bubbles forth because Christ is in you. I think that perspective might be a lie. <b>Giving thanks is a discipline. </b>Like any exercise regiment, it is extremely difficult at first. Giving thanks is much like training to run a marathon (not that I have ever done that). You can only find a few things to be thankful for at first. Or you are too easily distracted to remember to give thanks. Some days you want to be anything but thankful. But you choose to count gifts anyway. Some days you heart is not really in it. But you choose to count gifts and pray He change your heart. </div>
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He does. There has been a huge, huge attitude shift in me since I started counting gifts. I notice how much more I smile. I notice how evenly keeled I stay compared to before. I notice how hurtful things don't control my mind anymore. I truly do have more joy than I had before. It's not perfect. There are lots of days when I am still straining to count the gifts. But it's nowhere near the strain of first beginning to count.</div>
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So to encourage you, it is possible to have a thankful heart. It is possible to see God's grace in all things and give thanks in all circumstances. But to do that is a spiritual discipline. It doesn't come easy. It requires you pressing through the tough days with thanks when you really want to complain. It requires you letting go of the things that aren't what you wanted and thanking God because you know He's at work in this somehow. </div>
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I pray that all people may continue to count their gifts far past Thanksgiving. Not only does it change your life, it's really commanded in scripture. The high road is never the easy road. But I promise it is so worth it.</div>
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ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-76031161646667461242013-11-24T17:23:00.002-06:002013-11-24T17:23:55.658-06:00On My Heart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Motherhood has been on my heart a lot here lately. I think it's because of this {extremely} convicting study I've been doing on 1 Peter via <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31376.Putting_on_a_Gentle_and_Quiet_Spirit" target="_blank">this book</a>. I'm not even sure why of all things it has convicted me in this area as motherhood is not the point of the book. I think mainly it's just how I can come home from work exhausted- and that looks anything but gentle sometimes. <br />
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In my diligence to be a Light on my campus as well as the best teacher I can be to my students, I sometimes feel like I'm burning my candle at both ends. I can end up forgetting to keep the most important things the most important. More than anything else, that smile is my mission. How often do I really train him and teach him who Christ is? Sure he sees my example- he knows I go into my office and read my Bible. But do I really teach Jude who Christ is, sadly not often.<br />
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I desperately want to change this. I want to be the kind of mom who raises godly men (and maybe women someday). Last week, my pastor talked about the judgement of the saints- when Christians will have to answer for how we used the talents and gifts He's given us for His kingdom. I do think I faithfully use those things in my workplace, but I am sadly lacking in my home. As a Christian mother, I think my main calling is raising godly children. My home is supposed to be a place where the Holy Spirit dwells in everything. During the summer, it is so much easier for me to sing hymns and read the Bible with Jude. During the school year, those things are the first to fall to wayside.<br />
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<i>What should a Christian working mother's home look like?</i></div>
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This is the question I'm asking myself currently. I won't even begin to act like I have an idea. I am praying that God grow me into that place and show me what it should look like.</div>
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I've also been *painfully, painfully* aware of how quick these seasons fade. Jude's interests are becoming more and more 'big boy ish' every day. Less and less toddlerish. He's already 4 years old, and I cry inside every night I realize there are so many moments I just can't get back. Right now, he's still very attached to 'momma'. But time is running out on me. The time of nurturing and teaching him is now. His brain is active and aware and able to make connections. He respects me and believes me. If I don't teach him truth now, I'm going to lose the opportunity to ever teach him. It's sobering and scary, and honestly breaks my heart. I miss my little baby.<br />
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And so this Christmas, we are starting some new traditions, particularly with Advent. I want Emmanuel, God with us to be part of our daily conversation. I don't know how you convey the intimacy of the incarnation to a 4 year old, but I want to try. I want to light the advent wreath every night. We are going to read devotionals after dinner. I want to prepare my heart to receive Him, but I also want to teach Jude how to receive Him. The significance of this holiday is so easily lost amidst the hustle and bustle of black Friday deals and lists, lists, and more lists. Yet none of those matter in the midst of eternity. This holiday is about focusing on things unseen that one day, when you least expect it- in a way you never would have expected, the unseen becomes God with us. What we hoped for becomes tangible. The deepest longings of our heart are filled in Him.<br />
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Motherhood. The greatest calling. Even in the incarnation, you have the greatest calling of raising Christ Himself. And it all centers on having palms open, receiving whatever gifts He bestows on you with thankfulness and humility. But also dedication and endurance. A willingness to follow His lead when it seems dangerous (being attacked by Herod) or doesn't make any sense (Joseph marrying a girl who appears tainted).<br />
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Oh how I pray that Jude will understand the significance of this season....<br />
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<br />ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2495127973786478603.post-7137271745734401282013-11-17T16:47:00.000-06:002013-11-17T16:47:47.752-06:00Pushing back the hindrances<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Lately. Lately I am realizing that this year has a calling much higher than I originally anticipated. I'm seeing that God had far bigger purposes for my life right now. Actually, I thought I was going to take the year off from learning any spiritual lessons. Ha. Haha. God is far too faithful to let me just maintain my status quo. I should have known that.<br />
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It's amazing to me how God works. I've had a very 'flavorful' life in regards to lessons learned. You would think I would have seen a lot, learned a lot, and be shocked by little. Nope- not true at all. I'm continually surprised and stunned by the new heights He calls me too. I can't believe how 'unstretched' I currently am for this new place. I guess more than surprising, though, is how humbling it is. <br />
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I thought I knew so much, had so much figured out. Truth is, I have so much to learn, so much to understand. So much pride has been uncovered. And with that comes a multitude of other things. I didn't realize this closet existed. It was too far back in the recesses of my soul I guess. God's cleaning it out. It's messy.<br />
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But it's beautiful. I know He is able to do immeasurably more in me than I expect. (Eph 3:20) I know that He's faithful to complete the work He started in me. (Phil 1:6) He's doing a lot of work in me. It hurts. I'm feeling emotions I really haven't felt- probably in 15 years. {and of course this emotion would have been clouded by teenage absurdity back then- so in many ways this emotion is straight up new to me} I haven't the slightest idea how God is going to use this in me personally, other than making me more like Christ. Really, though, being Christlike is all I want.<br />
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I do have hope, though, that my current suffering will have eternal good for the world around me. I see how I am being separated out. I see the contrast it creates around me. I see the incompatibility of myself with the world. While that is really hard, and not something I've experienced, I believe with all my heart that it is a divinely ordained purpose. I have hope and groan in anticipation of the day the ground is done shaking and new levels of glory are revealed. I am praying for that. I hope you pray for it too as you read this.<br />
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But more than anything, I am praying I run in a way that is worthy. It is so scary to attempt to run a race that everyone is watching, and watching to see how you run and whether or not you will fall. Of course, the reality is that I will fall. Plenty of times. As evidenced by my prideful sins, I have a long way to go to be really Christlike. I am so thankful for His grace which covers each of those mistakes. <br />
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As I set new paces in the various areas of my life, I pray I may "forget what is behind (especially how I've failed or am hurt) and strain on toward what is ahead (being more like Christ- showing who He is), I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" - Philippians 3:13-14. I feel like I'm daily beating myself into submission with the Word. It's just not easy. But praise Jesus that "my light and momentary troubles are achieving an eternal glory for me". Here's to looking heavenward- pushing back all the things that want to cloud my vision from seeing His face- and being the Light in a very dark world.<br />
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<br />ThistleAshDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18407623759023282922noreply@blogger.com2