Naptime Diaries and Saving My Sanity

Jude is currently in an awkward nap phase.  Technically speaking, he doesn't particularly need to nap.  Because Jude was graciously given with a 100% positive attitude, I kid you not, he does not have temper tantrums.  I'm serious.  He's probably had 5 in his entire life, atleast since turning 2.  So naps are not needed to 'check' his attitude.

Part of that is because I have my college degree arsenal of child guidance knowledge I guess.  More of it has to do with 6 years of dealing with insane emotional issues in title 1 schools.  Most of it has to do with my limited tolerance for crap.  But honestly, I really believe God was gracious with me.  I truly believe that He knew that my entire world was going to fall apart upon Jude being born and He gifted me with the easiest child known to man in order to allow me to work out my emotional issues after heartbreak.

That being said:  My child be wild.  His attitude may be awesome.  But his energy level is non stop through the roof from 7:30 to 8:30, with no nap.  I have heard people say oh my child is active.  And then I meet said child.  Jude always blows them out of the water with his energy level.  Jude has been noticeably active since he was at least 6 mos.  Just has crazy amounts of energy.  So while I am blessed in many ways, sometimes I feel like I make up for it because his noise level and activity level plum wear me out.

Enter my nap time conundrum.  Technically Jude doesn't 'need' a nap per se.  And when he takes a nap, left to his own, he will sleep about 3 hours!  And then of course he won't fall asleep until around 10:30.  Thankfully, because he is literally the most obedient child, he will just sit on his bed and sing/talk/read/play with his animals.  He may test the waters once and try to sneak out, but that's about it.  But regardless, he stays up late because he just isn't tired due to his nap.

I have been trying to give him his nap, but then going in and waking him up after about 1.5 to 2 hours.  That's been working decently well.  He doesn't fall asleep right away, but he is at least asleep by 9 or 9:30.  Which is about as ideal as I can get all things considered.  Hopefully, he can keep up the controlled naps with his sitter as I go back to school.  That combined with waking up and getting out the door early again should make it possible for him to go to sleep at night easily.

Here's the thing though.  I can't handle him NOT napping.  I need 'my' time.  Whether it is to catch up on 'Bachelorette' which I am shamelessly addicted to- even though this season is blah.  Or to clean or work on a project or read.  I am just not built to handle his energy level the entire day without a break.  The days I let him skip his nap, I am always so irritable starting around 3:00.  I would give anything for some peace and quiet.  And it's not his fault, but he can't calm himself down.  And I get snappy.  I hate thinking that my attitude would cause him to feel 'annoying' which he has to sense that.  And how sad!  Whereas if he naps, even for a little bit, it seems to calm his body down.  Maybe it's good for his body to have those calm hours as well.  Or maybe it's just that I get the couple hours of peace my brain needs to be refreshed and ready to keep up with him again.  Because on those days his enthusiasm mostly warms my heart and I respond with love.

Regardless, it's always tricky as your baby drops naps.  And then again as your baby becomes a toddler and does the drop down to one nap.  I suppose it only makes sense that determining when your child no longer needs a nap is equally as tricky.  But for now, for the sake of a peaceful and loving mother/son relationship, I think we are going to keep nap/quiet time in place for just a wee bit longer.

Thankful- budding artists and being late

  Thankful for Jude's painting of the sun and the forest.  He was so proud of this one.  Normally, he doesn't want to paint at home, but this one, he was excited about.  I think it's supposed to be Abraham Lincoln's log cabin.  Regardless, I love seeing him proud of himself :)

 Thankful for time for myself.  This week has been less than ideal.  A lot of that has to do with late appointments and things after work 3 out of 4 nights.  I'm not the kind of person who does well being on the go all the time.  Last night I had to force myself to just step back and do some self care.  By the time I got home, there wasn't time for much.  Squeezing a tiny bit of yoga in though was just what I needed.  Just enough light to get me to Friday. 

Who isn't thankful for kiddo feet?  I don't know what I will do when Jude becomes a real kid.  I am so thankful he's still a preschooler and still little and cute.  It breaks my heart to think of him grown up.  All the more reason to treasure those moments of adorable where they are.

Having Jude enjoy his time in the bathroom was what one of my blogging friends called those 10 minutes of wonder.  I wrote the other day about all the moments I lose.  I'm thankful to have been so encouraged by so many other moms out there who've struggled with the same thing.  And I'm thankful that I was able to enjoy this moment fully.  Jude was showing me how he was an artist and how he could make paintings with the soap bubbles on the wall.  I love watching him just be proud and excited about himself :)

I'm thankful for the unexpected.  One morning this week, my babysitter ended up needing to meet me to get Jude.  Which meant about 5-10 minutes of Jude and I hanging out in my back seat taking selfies.  Instead of worrying about being late, I embraced the moment and just enjoyed being with him.  Such a sweet smile for the morning.  And the best part?  I ended up being 10 minutes early for work.  Go figure.

I saw this the other day on the playground.  As a girl who is SO OVER winter, seeing this ladybug was probably the biggest sigh of relief.  I mean we can't have them without spring right?  I am so ready for warmer days.  Not however ready for the inevitable 110* days we will have this summer ;)

Finally, I'm thankful to have finished reading through the New Testament cover to cover.  I started like summer 2011 (seriously) trying to read through the Bible.  I started reading a chapter from Genesis, Job, and Matthew.  I just finished the New Testament though, which was pretty exciting!  Still have a ways to go in the Old Testament.  Right now I'm in 2 Samuel and Isaiah.  I'm thankful I managed to stick with it though, and not give up.  It takes a loooong time.  But realizing that's ok was a good thing.

What are you thankful for?

Confessions: On Giving Time

"Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them, for such is the kingdom of heaven"

 

 

 Confession:  I struggle with giving of my time as a mom.  I've got a plethora of excuses, and most of them are pretty darn good.  The single mom card trumps a lot of 'time' arguments.  But when you boil it down, its just pretty ways of saying the same thing.  What little time I do have I want to selfishly hoard for myself.  I don't want to share my time with the person I love the most.

I like my quiet time.  I like to sit near dim lamps and read and think and just be alone.  I'm a loner and a decompressor.  Jude is all about people all the time.  He can play well by himself, but he would choose people any day.  I'm just not like that at all.  I like my time alone.

It sounds so hideously ugly to even admit that, but it can be so true.  I like my time for myself.  By the time 5:00 rolls around, I just don't feel like I have much left to give.  I am physically and emotionally spent.  And there's not enough time in the weekend to make up for all the time I've robbed Jude of the other 5 days out of the week.  I am selfish with my time.

It's difficult for me to find the balance.  Because on one hand, I need self care.  I need the time to relax and unwind and just breathe for my own sanity.  The times I try to give to exhaustion just leave me overly anxious and sometimes panicked.  So that's not good.  But there are also times that when I get home Jude just wants my attention.  He hasn't seen me all day.  He should want my attention.  And the last thing I want to do is hurt his heart simply because I am burnt out from a days work.  It's hard.  And I confess there is much room for growth.

And there is the reality that whatever things around the house need to get done aren't going to get done unless I do them.  There's no one to pick up my slack.  So the question becomes 'when is ok to take a break for yourself and when should you give of yourself sacrificially'?  'when is it time to take care of responsibilities and when you should you let the pile of laundry go'? 

I don't know the answers to that.  I do know that this is something I need to work on.  I need accountability in this to be honest.  That little boy up there loves me so unconditionally and is so happy and forgiving.  And I'm far from the perfect mom.  These little moments pass all too quickly, and I am scared that I'm going to miss out on the important things of life.

For now, I'm trying to catch the 10 minutes that my eyes are opened to the moment and sink my feet into them and soak them up for all they're with.  Amazingly in those moments I would give anything for an excuse to not have to leave his side.  But life doesn't work that way.  It just doesn't stop when I ask it too. 

This past weekend I threw myself into the moment of tent building with Jude.  It was full of the magic and wonder that only a child can have when you assemble sheets and chairs into their own kingdom.  I recalled the moments in my own childhood where I had been taken to another world, similar and fantastic.

But mainly I just breathed Jude in.  Breathed in his desire to tell stories about ogres and banshees.  Tonight I breathed in his desire to sing Bible songs like "Jesus loves the little children" several times in a row.  I just want to breathe him in more.

How do you manage to give of your time even when you desperately crave quiet?

Will you hold me accountable to stopping for the moment?