On My Heart- The Year I Got Lost



This year I got lost.  I'm not sure at what point I veered off.  Maybe I never really veered off, but more cocooned myself to relearn who I was now that I added wife to my list of hats.  I learned about oils, lived by oils, saw myself grow with oils.  But I also learned more about my body with oils- which lead to diet changes- and changes on what daily supplements I need.  So many changes.  None of them bad.  Actually, they've all been great for me.  Yet there were many changes.

I went through Redemption at my church.  And I learned first hand about my own idolatry.  And I had to reframe everything I thought I knew about myself.  It is so good.  But so hard.  And still so hard.  I learned to try to have grace for myself.  But trying to reframe a lifetime of thinking is a longer process than I would have thought.  I think a year later I am still learning how to have grace for myself and others.  I also think I'm learning just how un-gracious I really was.  That's such a hard lesson. 

I got remarried.  And my priorities shifted.  And I read this book "Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George and my perspective totally upended.  And my focus became something totally new and foreign to me.  Not only is Jimmy my 'you need to have more grace' convicter, but he's also my #1 job.  For years, I focused on my career because that career was my sole hope for survival.  Sure, I wanted more time with Jude.  But I couldn't afford to not have a job.  For the first time, I don't depend on myself.  I'm just the helper.  It's so great, such a relief, and serving Jude and Jimmy couldn't bring me more joy.  However, for the first time ever, I realized how much teaching might not fit me forever.  Not that I don't still find myself getting passionate over teaching reading or developmentally appropriate practices.  I do.  But I realize that to be passionate over that, I have to sacrifice my relationships with Jude and Jimmy.  And I just can't do that.

And so I find myself at a crossroads.  I see my life direction changing from where I thought I was headed.  I have no idea where I'm heading, and that's so scary.  But I feel my emotions giving way, my physical energy giving way.  I feel lost.  I wonder who I am now?  What am I passionate about?  What do I want my life to be about?  Where do I go from here?  I definitely don't have the answers to that. 

But today in church I heard a sermon that ended with me tearing up.  And then a man stood up to share about how he and his family are heading to Turkey in August.  And I broke.  I remembered the girl a couple of years ago who was passionate about persecuted Christians and the gospel and passionately pursuing God.  I don't know where I lost that.  But I think it was when I realized I wanted a fairy tale with Jimmy.  I wanted the American dream with Jimmy.  And at some point I must have idolized it.  I valued my dishes over my passions, decorating over evangelism, people liking me over standing apart.  I've somewhat always known God has called me to something different.  I don't know the details on that.  But I've always known that the American dream wasn't God's dream for me.  That's so scary to admit.  It's scary because I know there will probably come a day where I'm going to have to let go of 'stuff' and cling to the cross.  I'm thankful for God's grace because wherever He leads, I get to go with the most amazing man on the planet.  I have no idea where we'll go or what will do.  But I know we're called.  So hear I am, admitting the truth I have never wanted to admit.  Yikes

This year is my year of rest.  I have so many off days, that I will probably mostly work 4 day weeks for the rest of the year.  And I won't be going back to teaching, at least in the public school setting.  (I am planning on finding a part time teaching job.)  I plan on resting in God's presence, because I am sure he has plenty to teach me this year.  I'm going to rest and wait on Him, while supporting my husband and son as much as possible.  Resting because there will come a day that life is different.  Please pray for me as I seek the Lord and seek where He has called me, where He has placed passions in my heart.  Pray that I will understand where the things I love like my family, blogging, teaching, oils, missions belong.  That I will understand the lord's will regarding their balance.  Pray that The Lord will mold me into the person He needs me to be.

Find rest, O my soul; in God alone.  My hope comes from Him.  He alone is my Rock and my Salvation.

~ Psalm 62:5-6



Rest 2015

I must confess I have become quite disenfranchised with current Christian movements as of late. I'm not sure where my break came. I just know it is uncomfortable. Arguing within the church has never been prudent or useful to me. I've mostly always felt that as long as we are ultimately gospel focused and Christ focused, the varied differences weren't important. I do still agree with that to most extents. It's just here lately when I scroll through my Facebook feed I want to chuck my phone across the room.

Sigh. I'm not even sure why I'm so exhausted with it. Perhaps it's the "this is what you should do" attitude behind so much of it. I have certainly always been one to buck anyone's my way or the highway attitude. Currently though, a lot of it has to do with having read the bible cover to cover. Context makes things so much different than a verse here and there glance. A lot of things that are current waves of belief I 100% supported a year ago.  Then this year I also finished reading the Bible cover to cover.  And I realized many things, but one of which is some of these popular ideas are out of context.  That doesn't mean that those ideas are bad- as long as they are recognized as a personal, God given passion.  And not a mandate.  There is this air of if you don't support XYZ you are sinning or not a good Christian.  And given the slight lack of context some of these things have, that's a very dangerous attitude to have.

It's exhausting to be bombarded with opinions. Because what I really love is bible study. I could read my bible all day every day. I have hour long prayer and quiet times easily each day. And if I had the time I would be able to clock more hours. I don't say that to toot my horn. I just say that because that is what I love.   I don't know what Gods purpose for me is. But I do know he would be most likely to use my love of scripture more than anything. Simply because it is such a natural flow. My mind is an active place - and it's a God given trait. Again for His glory at some point to be sure.  That is my passion.  That is not the only possible passion.

 

But what I read in popular Christianity and what I read going straight through the bible don't always line up. It's not that the ideas are terrible. It's just we are making laws out of our passions. We are so apt to hash out our physical diversity but it's the spiritual diversity we struggle with and that really seperates. We have such low tolerance of other denominations. And we blanket our passions as being for all Christians. Forgetting that God can be just as glorified by my passion for scripture as He can your passion for  the homeless. We just aren't called to be the same. And it's ok. And probably even needed. I for one am  ready for us to be more aware of the possibility that we don't have the be all end all passion. Because I just don't want to feel like I need to hide my true self from others' opinions anymore.

 

I have done the one word goal for I don't know 4-5 years now.  Last year it was Laugh- and I certainly broke free from a lot of anxiety.  But this year I am going with REST.  I'm taking a rest from other people's opinions.  I'm taking a rest from the pressure to be the best teacher.  I'm taking a rest with myself and my many imperfections.  I'm taking a rest from the imperfections of others.  I'm resting from my own opinions I think.  I just want to rest in focus on God alone- and all the rest can fall where it will.

 

It's possible another good word would be Purge.  Because I just want to get rid of the distractions and the discouragements and 'others focused things'.  I want to purge my belongings so I can rest without the clutter of my excess.  So cheers to you 2015.  Because this is the year that I am resting in who I am in Christ.  Because I'm not who you are in Christ.  And that's ok.  I have no doubt that God has a plan for my life.  And I have no doubt that His plan for you is different.  And that both- though they be wildly different- are good.

On My Heart- School, hormones, darkness

What a title right?  This entire fall seems clouded in overall darkness.  I started my back to school time with more difficulties than in any year previous.  Difficulty after difficulty seems to be coming my way with my job.  Mostly, I just cry a lot.  But I also know The Lord is always doing something through the circumstances.  I truly believe there is a purpose in my discontent, and that within a few years I will see this time through the lens of understanding.  Praise the Lord for that!

But there is darkness beyond just my back to school time.  There seems to be extreme darkness all over the world.  Christians are being violently persecuted the world over.  Darkness has consumed people with such hate.  It's hard to understand where God is in the face of such tragedy.  And of course that's just one facet of darkness consuming the people of the world.  Extreme disease is ravaging the world over.  It approaches even my own backyard at this point.  Growing up, it always seemed like world tragedies were these obscure things 'happening over there'.  Now, we can see how small the world really is as there aren't many world tragedies that aren't creeping here to our well insulated United States.  The Lord has always seemed to have a hedge of protection around our country.  That's clearly not the case anymore.  It's interesting to think about.  The world continues to 'progress' itself farther and farther from The Lord.  And as we 'progress' it gets more dangerous just to be alive it feels.  There aren't much obvious reasons to correlate the two.  It's just the Lord is very clear that when we quit seeking His face, he will remove his hand, his grace.  And when he removes his hand dangers will follow.  Anyway, I don't know the answers being stirred by His Spirit.  I just know His Spirit is stirring circumstances and hearts.  Now is the time to seek His face until He comes- I think it's closer than we think.  It's easy to push that off as crazy talk, but the Bible is very clear that many of us will be caught off guard when Christ returns.  If you haven't done so, choose today who you will serve.  The time really is now.

And yet the Lord continues to be gracious, ever so gracious in our lives.  He showers us with grace upon grace and gift upon gift.  If you aren't a Christian, I beg you to seek Him.  Not because of the usual salvation reasons, just because there is such beauty in viewing the world through His Lens.  I think so many things would pass my vision unappreciated were in not for the Holy Spirit opening my eyes to His Hand.  Little things that make me stop and praise Him- for example- did you know that this year I apparently got my first angry parent email of my career.  I have been blessed to have decent relationships with all my parents over the years, but apparently this year, I had a parent upset with me based off an email I sent to my current class parents group.  This parent replied to ALL with a pretty scathing email.  I think at least 75% of my parents brought this email up in my parent conferences.  And yet God in His GRACE caused that email to somehow never make it to my inbox.  It's not in my deleted mail, it's not in my junk mail.  He literally blocked an email that probably would have emotionally wrecked me.  The Lord watches out for His Children, yall.  How could you ever want to live without His Protection?  He blesses me beyond measure- beyond what I could ever fully understand. 

And He continues to bless my life via oils.  I currently use Fertility Awareness to monitor my body.  Yes it's old school, but I have had really bad side effects with other plans, which is not worth it.  The amazing thing about that method is that you become so in tune with your own hormones and body.  I have been able to understand that I only get one type of headache- hormonal headaches- through this method.  I learned that I ovulate really late- which means I'm low on progesterone- because of this method.  I also learned that this could be due to use of Prozac based pills.  How invaluable is this information?!  I started monitoring this back in March/April, and I am so pleased by what I understand about myself now.  Since then, the Lord has led me to Young Living oils, which he has used to support my emotional system while I weaned off anxiety medication (praise the Lord, I am 100% weaned off now!).  He led me to a friend who shared with me the importance of magnesium, which has helped curb insomnia, hormonal issues, and headaches.  And I have started using endoflex and progesterone plus, both of which are by Young Living.  I have made it through a cycle without any hormonal headaches for the first time probably ever.  (Headaches have been a part of my often life for as long as I can remember...).  And I just noticed in my charting this month that my progesterone appears to be at normal levels for the first time since I started charting!  How glorious is The Lord who heals!  This is such a gracious relief, not just because my daily/monthly life is less of an emotional roller coaster, but also because I have less fears about the future and trying to have children.  He is so gracious!  And y'all, I know there are thousands of oil companies in the world, but this is why I think Young Living is the best- because the plethora of effective products they have just is unable to be compared.  Young Living has blend after blend after supplement after supplement.  It is the oil company of oil companies to me.  I took a long road finding them, but I am so thankful the Lord led me to just the right spot.  He is the Gentle Shepherd who leads me to the right waters.  There is nothing like the personal love I know The Lord has for me.  The way He seeks me out to bless me and take care of me and show me that He is the God who sees me!  Oh that you would look up and see Him too.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.  Praise the Lord who commands His angels to protect us, surround us and hedge us in.  Praise the Lord who longs to give good gifts to His children.  I'm so glad Christ came to me.  I'd love to talk to you about oils for sure.  But I'd really love to talk to you about the Lord.  I'm feeling particularly blessed by Him tonight :)

Blessings upon you!

On My Heart

Motherhood has been on my heart a lot here lately.  I think it's because of this {extremely} convicting study I've been doing on 1 Peter via this book.  I'm not even sure why of all things it has convicted me in this area as motherhood is not the point of the book.  I think mainly it's just how I can come home from work exhausted- and that looks anything but gentle sometimes.

In my diligence to be a Light on my campus as well as the best teacher I can be to my students, I sometimes feel like I'm burning my candle at both ends.  I can end up forgetting to keep the most important things the most important.  More than anything else, that smile is my mission.  How often do I really train him and teach him who Christ is?  Sure he sees my example- he knows I go into my office and read my Bible.  But do I really teach Jude who Christ is, sadly not often.

I desperately want to change this.  I want to be the kind of mom who raises godly men (and maybe women someday).  Last week, my pastor talked about the judgement of the saints- when Christians will have to answer for how we used the talents and gifts He's given us for His kingdom.  I do think I faithfully use those things in my workplace, but I am sadly lacking in my home.  As a Christian mother, I think my main calling is raising godly children.  My home is supposed to be a place where the Holy Spirit dwells in everything.  During the summer, it is so much easier for me to sing hymns and read the Bible with Jude.  During the school year, those things are the first to fall to wayside.

What should a Christian working mother's home look like?

This is the question I'm asking myself currently.  I won't even begin to act like I have an idea.  I am praying that God grow me into that place and show me what it should look like.

I've also been *painfully, painfully* aware of how quick these seasons fade.  Jude's interests are becoming more and more 'big boy ish' every day.  Less and less toddlerish.  He's already 4 years old, and I cry inside every night I realize there are so many moments I just can't get back.  Right now, he's still very attached to 'momma'.  But time is running out on me.  The time of nurturing and teaching him is now.  His brain is active and aware and able to make connections.  He respects me and believes me.  If I don't teach him truth now, I'm going to lose the opportunity to ever teach him.  It's sobering and scary, and honestly breaks my heart.  I miss my little baby.

And so this Christmas, we are starting some new traditions, particularly with Advent.  I want Emmanuel, God with us to be part of our daily conversation.  I don't know how you convey the intimacy of the incarnation to a 4 year old, but I want to try.  I want to light the advent wreath every night.  We are going to read devotionals after dinner.  I want to prepare my heart to receive Him, but I also want to teach Jude how to receive Him.  The significance of this holiday is so easily lost amidst the hustle and bustle of black Friday deals and lists, lists, and more lists.  Yet none of those matter in the midst of eternity.  This holiday is about focusing on things unseen that one day, when you least expect it- in a way you never would have expected, the unseen becomes God with us.  What we hoped for becomes tangible.  The deepest longings of our heart are filled in Him.

Motherhood.  The greatest calling.  Even in the incarnation, you have the greatest calling of raising Christ Himself.  And it all centers on having palms open, receiving whatever gifts He bestows on you with thankfulness and humility.  But also dedication and endurance.  A willingness to follow His lead when it seems dangerous (being attacked by Herod) or doesn't make any sense (Joseph marrying a girl who appears tainted).

Oh how I pray that Jude will understand the significance of this season....

The ugly side of my abortion- for Wendy Davis.

**Disclaimer- before you read this, there is some background knowledge about me on the left regarding my grace-filled abortion story.  Click here to read**

There are a whole heckuva lot of things going through my mind right now.  I promise nothing in regards to quality of writing currently, because quite frankly, I'm shakingly upset.  That being said "riddle me this Texas- how does a meaningless Texas congresswoman go from abortion filibuster to governor possibiltiy".  Where exactly do you see credentials in that?  One speech does not qualify you to run a state.  That does not catapult you from middle school athletic team to NCAA division 1 team.  Sorry.  I don't really care what other 'social programs' she in theory supports.  I don't care that she supports more insurance for Texas children (I do too).  I don't care that she cares about Texas jobs (I do too).  One speech does not prove you know how to lead a state.  A state, which by the way, has managed to escape severe repercussions from the economy despite the fact that the National government is selling us to China one trillion dollars at a time.  We shouldn't elect people because they give good speeches.... Oh wait ::cough. Obama. cough::  End of rant.

In all seriousness, I just wanted to come at this from a personal perspective.  There are a whole, whole lot of people who vote and are strongly pro choice or pro life.  However, there are also a whole lot of people who vote who feel other issues are more pertinent that abortion.  I can understand that in a lot of instances.  I don't think that argument applies though when the only reason we know the person exists is because of their abortion stance.

Most people are not technically qualified to share a personal opinion on the validity of abortion.  Most of the people haven't had one.  But I have.  So I feel like I get the special right to share.  For me this isn't just a 'my faith says this' issue.  This is a 'from my personal experience' issue.

I had an abortion at Planned Parenthood Dallas.  Just a basic looking office building somewhere around Greenville-ish.  I had to show my ID at the door.  Did you know they don't let you into the clinics unless you can prove you have a right to be there?  That means that unless you are having an abortion personally or accompanying someone you have no idea what is going on behind that door.  If you are accompanying someone do you know how far you are allowed in?  Not past the waiting room!!!!!  Do you know what this means?  When you have your consultation in which you basically say you are willing to have this abortion you are ALONE.  You and the 'nurse'.  No one has any idea what's going on behind that door.  Do you know who goes in with you for the sonogram?  you are ALONE and no one has any idea what goes on behind that door.  Do you know who goes with your into the actual clinic where the abortion takes place?  YOURSELF.  No one has any idea what goes on behind that door.  Do you know who goes with you to the 'observation' area?  You go by yourself.  Fun fact- unless Wendy Davis has had an abortion she doesn't actually even know what's going on behind those doors.

Want to know what it's like?  You have a sonogram first.  But you aren't allowed to see anything.  Because if you saw anything you'd see it actually looks like a baby.  Then you have a consultation in which you say you are doing this of your own free will.  They also warn you of the common repercussion of abortion- which is incidentally depression.  Then you go to the tiny 'operating room' which is incidentally just a basic check up room.  You are propped up.  You legs are spread.  A device is used and literally the baby is drained into a bucket.  In my case a yellow mop bucket.  Wendy Davis is famous and running for governor for defending my right to do that.  There is nothing ok about draining 7 week old fetuses from a mom to a mop bucket.  A nasty mop bucket.  This is my story y'all.  Not the news.  This is my personal experience.

After that I went into the observation room where I sat with 5-7 other girls crying.  We were all crying. Because what we just chose to do was not ok.  And there's no way you can actually have the abortion and not realize that.  I actually don't remember much of that part.  Except that I threw up everywhere.  Probably because I was so disgusted with myself.

You know what I most clearly remember?  The nights I'd claw at my own skin because my entire body was wracked with guilt.  The nights I hated to go to sleep because I couldn't deal with the pain of knowing what I'd done.  I experienced depression all right.  Guilt induced depression.  I spent the next 2 years wrestling with the thought of grace and could God's grace cover what I'd done.  Maybe it was even more than 2 years.  I will never forget, though, the way I would scream into my pillow at night trying to muffle the sound of gut wrenching tears I cried.  I had two roommates at the time- and couldn't bear the thought of them knowing my shame.  I cried that way for months.  I mean this- the only thing that kept me from taking my own life was God's grace.  From the bottom of my soul, I could not take the pain.  And again, I don't go a week even now I don't think about how old that baby should be.  He/she would be starting kindergarten this year by the way.

That's what Wendy Davis really fought for.  And that is what catapulted her to run for governor.

Praise God that He took the pain and carried my shame... that He is the God of the sinner like me.

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/06/29/an-open-letter-to-wendy-davis/

Blessing Pouring Down like Rain

David and all the Israelites were celebrating with all their might before God, with songs and with harps, lyres, and tambourines, cymbals, and trumpets. ~1 Chronicles 13:8

This verse has changed my life.  It's amazing to me how God can speak so intensely to your heart through sometimes the most normal of verses.  But this verse stopped me.  I had so many thoughts.

* What would it look like to celebrate with all my might before God?
* How excited do I really get about what God is doing in the world around me?
* Do I even have my eyes open to pay attention to what he's doing?
* What must David's heart have been like to be this way?

If there is one word to describe how I imagined David, it was joy.  Joy before the Lord.  Joy of the Lord.  Joy because He's in God's Presence.  Pure joy.  I realized how much expectation I have that joy come because I enjoy my job.  Or joy come because Jude is behaving well.  Or joy because Jimmy and I go on a really great date.  Always conditional.  Conditional joy.  Except the only Biblical condition of joy is God's Presence.

Well that's everywhere.  God is in and within everything.  During every circumstance.  Without condition.  Without exception.  So what am I doing wrong that my joy is based on conditions?

So I began to pray a pretty simple prayer- "Fill me with the Joy of the Lord.  May your Presence be my JOY.  May that be the only condition for my Joy.  May I be as excited over You as David was."

God has answered that prayer!

Almost immediately.  I have only prayed that prayer (daily) for I guess the last 2 or 3 weeks, but I have noticed a Huge difference in my perspective, my attitude, and honestly my discernment and perception of daily occurrences.  I literally feel like I am bubbling over.  The proverbial cup?  It runneth over y'all. I am blown away by the goodness of God, His love for me, and how His Presence and Hand are literally on me and my life!  How did I not see that each second dripped of Him before?  "One thing I do know.  I was blind but now I see!" ~ John 9:25.  I see His hand now- everywhere- all the time!

This has changed everything.  Everything.  I am overcome with my blessings.  I am praying as we speak that the Lord will recall them so I can share some with you.  But believe me, they are beyond count.

Today I went to work up in my new classroom.  I was going back and forth loading and unloading my car.  One of the custodian ladies was in the hall cleaning.  I stopped and chatted with her about being new, having taught in Denton, etc.  Her English wasn't very good, but we were able to get the gist of each other so to speak.  I went on with cleaning my room, and was getting hot, so I wanted to find the coke machine.  She was still in the first grade rooms, so I asked her.  She told me it was really expensive (like $2.50) and so I was just like oh bummer and put my money away.  She went and bought me a bottle of water at Walgreens down the street!  I don't even know where to start with this.  She wouldn't let me pay her back.  She's a custodian.  And an immigrant, so it's not like she has extra money.  I was completely humbled by her kindness.  And all from a 5 minute conversation.  She taught me so much today.  You never know how much the 5 minutes you spend with someone will possibly mean a lot to them.  I was completely blessed by her today.  And judging from the way she hollered down the hall "Ms Ashley, Ms Ashley!  Have a good weekend!" I feel like she was blessed by our conversation somehow too.  Only God could use 5 minutes for His glory!

Or how I signed up for this mug swap I mentioned a few days ago.  There were 800 people who signed up.  And we were randomly assigned.  I didn't give any information about Jude or my marriage or relationship life when I filled out the form.  Just gave some style hints like being eclectic, nature lover, stuff like that.  YET GOD had his hand in the girl whose name I got.  He paired me up with a young, single mom.  A young single mom whose going through a really rough time right now.  A rough road that I've already walked down.  Y'all I can't even wrap my MIND around this.  The odds of this are clearly slim.  But God.  But God works all things according to His will.  And His will is that His hurting children know His love.  His uses us, His body, to reach out.  And He literally handed me this opportunity, against all odds (except there are no odds for God) on a silver platter.  I can't do anything when I think about this except worship God with all my might.  I just can't.  JOY.  Pure Joy.

And so many more.  My new school is so many, many blessings.  Such a positive, excited vibe from everyone.  I'm blessed to form new relationships.  I'm amazingly excited about 1st grade.  I just get this feeling that I'm really going to do well here.  I went to some 1st grade math trainings this week, which were so encouraging.  I feel so much more capable of taking on a new grade.  And I'm excited about it!  And while I was there I learned that another school near me hired a new 1st grade teacher also.  This school was closer to me, and I certainly prayed that a door be open there.  But the door didn't open until after I was at Savannah.  For me this was a gift in two major ways.  One: it confirmed for me that 1st grade is really where God can use me best this year.  Kind of like I would have been in 1st no matter what if that makes sense.  It encouraged me in feeling qualified to be a good first grade teacher.  And it also encouraged me that I was at the right campus.  (at this point, I hadn't gotten up to my school to really meet any team members)  It encouraged me because if I was supposed to be there I would have been.  But I know God.  And I know He has a reason I'm where I am.  It just really made me feel assured of my decision.  

And all this was before I met my amazing team members.  Or learned that the first day back, we break into teams to do a CRAZY town wide scavanger hunt.  Think something you would do with Young Life.  Hilarious.  And this year- costumes are required.  Costumes to do things like have 3 team members take a picture next to a corvette.  Or find an Elvis record.  I can't even wait!  

And then there is the daily miracles of seeing this amazing little boy in my life.  And getting to watch how much Jimmy and Jude love each other.  And how they verbalize it.  I don't have words to describe what it does to my heart to watch their relationship develop.  I really don't think Jimmy could love on Jude much more than if he were his.  What a godly man!  But you know God loves us like that- through taking on loving something that was separate from Him.  

There are everyday miracles.  Everywhere.  All around you.  But the thing is, it's God's hand that you are seeing and feeling and experiencing.  He is so good and loving.  And He's there.  And my heart dances in my chest because I can't quite figure out how to contain HIM and the JOY HE IS.

Linking here today

Last Week in Pictures

 Using stickers to make a Pirate Lookout.  Ahoy!

 Gardening and playing in mud puddles

 Playing catch inside because of so much rain.  At least his arm is improving :)

Every southern woman plants crape myrtles...  This one has been shooting up mighty fine.

Why are these two so daggum perfect?

This summer has been so weird for North Texas.  Typically July is spent in sweltering heat of 110*.  That doesn't even include the heat index.  And rain?  Well North Texans typically don't remember what rain is until about October.  But God has blessed us mightily this summer with a low 90s summer and an amazing blessing of rain.  Lord knows we still need more to get our lakes and rivers back up, but He is Providing.  Hallelujah!

Incidentally, you may notice my blog changing.  There for awhile, I considered growing my blog, and I kinda did start to.  And then I realized something- I hate blogging for that.  Don't get me wrong there are a handful of people I am beyond blessed to be 'friends' with now.  I love those people.  But the incessant need to keep up with this link up and that link up and make sure I comment on X number of blogs so said blogger and I can continue to build a 'friendship' got to be overwhelming.  With a few exceptions, I just began to wonder why am I concerned more about online stuff than people I know in real life.  Silly.  

So now I blog when I want.  And I write what I want.  And if there happens to be a link up I already know about, I might do it.  But if not, no big deal.  I say that because if I am not really keeping up with sharing my button with you or yours with me, it's nothing personal.  I just don't feel the need to blog all the time.  Or if I don't comment as much as I once did, it's because I want to focus on real life.  I appreciate all of you who have kept up with me.  I'm still going to be blogging, and if you follow me, you will see it.  But if you don't, thats ok too.  I'm excited for all you who have found your niche with blogging.  It's been pretty wild to see some of you grow so fast!  And that's awesome.  I just wanted those of you to know that I am still reading, but not as closely as before.  Or at least not commenting as much.  But in my heart I do adore you all :)  May God use your blog in amazing ways!

Coffee Date Vlog- My Mission, My Week

I'm linking up with Rags to Stitches today for Coffee Date.  I'm gonna tell you all about my week and how God rocked my perspective through some sad circumstances which reminded me "all is grace".  I hope you will comment and introduce me to your blog, because I would love love love to get to know YOU better.  Yes, you!  I'm completely in this thing for building relationships and community :)

Also, have you entered the GAP card giveaway?  You should.