People who Inspire Me

I've mentioned it before, but I absolutely love the Voices of the Martyrs newletters/magazine that I get every month.  Every month (or few- I'm actually bad about finishing things on time) when I sit down to read the stories, I am just amazed by God's power.  I mean really.  You can't not be encouraged by hearing how the Holy Spirit is working in the midst of people's lives.  And these are people who are literally being persecuted in the 'traditional' sense.  Physical, emotional torment persecution.  And yet they cling so adamately to Christ.  It's inspiring- the right kind of inspiring.

It's a really great organization to support.    VOM features stories and interviews of actual people and then lists the ways they are using money donated to further the gospel.

Here are some quotes I loved from a recent issue

* China- "I am happy that you and others tried to arrange for my release (imprisoned) but in one way I am happy that you failed.  You almost made a big mistake.  If you had been successful, there would be no church in that prison today."

---- I mean did you catch that.  A big mistake.  Release from prison a big mistake.  Now don't take this the wrong way, but in the church we make this huge deal out of all that Paul did for the early church.  He definitely deserves the respect, and he is one of my favorite Christian heroes.  I guess what amazes me, is that there are still 'Pauls' alive today.  People who still live as if "to live is Christ, to die is gain".  I'm not one of those people at all.  I am the queen of keeping things PC when it comes to religion in the real world.  Because I don't want to ruin relationships.  But these people have such focus, and I admire them greatly.  I want to be like that.  Also how amazing is God's sovereignty.  There is no situation too dismal that God does not bring blessing out of if we are faithful to keep our eyes on him.  Even prison.  I just love it.  I love how God works so many intricate details of our lives for His glory and ultimately our good.

* Pakistan- "Our Christ sacrificed his life on the cross for our sins... Our Christ is alive."- Asia Bibi

--- A couple reasons that quote stuck out to me.  For one thing, this lady was arrested, tortured, imprisoned, and given the death sentence for those 2 sentences.  She is currently waiting for either a miraculous release from prison so she can return to her family.  Or waiting to be executed.  You can sign a petition at www.callformercy.com through VOM who is working with the Pakistani Embassy to allow Asia to be pardoned.  (see why I love this- real issues, real action, real results)
--- The other reason this quote stuck out to me was her saying that 'Our Christ is Alive'.  I got so convicted because I have to admit, I think I take for granted that Christ is Alive.  Don't get me wrong, walking through the marriage I had, the divorce, the single parenthood, I have no doubt Christ is Alive.  I literally have felt Him carry me through all of this.  I know he's alive.  But I don't think I've ever considered how marvelous that really is.  How it really sets Christianity apart.  Buddha is a mere statue.  Vishnu is a statue.  But Christ is alive.  I'm still trying to just meditate on that -- just to wrap my mind around it so I don't take for granted that beautiful truth any longer.  Christianity is so blessed, so amazingly different from all other religions.  I just love how that was what mattered to Asia in the midst of a muslim world.  I'm trying to experience more 'My Christ is Alive' moments this week.  It's just so unfathomably great.

What's Christ teaching you this week?  I'd love to hear and be encouraged by it!

This weekend

Please don't die that I am actually blogging.  I realize this is like the 5th blog post in the year 2012, and that is beyond pathetic.  What is it about single mom/teacher that makes blogging impossible?  time!  We actually have been up to a lot.  I have loads of picture I would love to get around to editing and sharing (like christmas pics!  or last weekend at the children's museum).  I make 0 promises about getting around to that, and I'm sorry.

This weekend things have slowed down.  This is mainly due to the fact that Jude came down with fever/croup Thursday night.  For the most part, he is not complaining.  Sleeping can be difficult, but it's managable.  The biggest thing it's affected is his apetite.  I am desperately trying to get him to eat or drink anything, but he's really not interested.  He mostly is just laying around watching tv.  If you know Jude, you know this is telling because this kid doesn't stop.

It has given me a chance to just have time.  Oh that coveted precious lover, time.  I had to take Friday off, so it's given me a 'three day weekend'.  I've been able to get all caught up with my grades which are due tomorrow for progress reports.  I have spent hours cuddling with Jude.  I actually watched a movie (shut the front door- that never happens!).  I've read some Voices of the Martyrs articles.  I've read my Bible.  I've read my book, Millenials.  (Oh why yes, I am a nerd who reads sociology books in my spare time.)  It's been kinda nice.

See the first pick?  That cat is the cutest, fattest, fluffiest cat I've ever seen.  Jude is IN LOVE with that cat.  But alas, his love is unrequited.  You can see Jude in the pic trying to follow him.  Yet, the cat walks away despite Jude's adorable pleas for the cat to come back.  Oh if only Cat knew how deep Jude's love was for him.  It's unfortunate for Jude that I am deathly allergic to cats, because he is in love with them.  One of his favorite activities is to pretend to be a kitty.  Adorable.

Picture below:  it's been a rainy, chilly weekend in North Texas.  I've loved every second of it.  The sounds of rain on the windows, the grayness making you want to cuddle, the refreshing cleanness of the after rain smell.  I don't think I could photograph more perfection if I tried.

Thank you Jesus for the perfect weekend, minus the whole Jude being sick thing.  Hope your weekend was lovely.

Laying It All Out There

I never talk about the ups and downs of being a single mom on here.  Mainly, because I would hate to come off as always complaining, and because there are a lot of downs.  Today, though, I guess I'm going to go there because I don't know what else to do.

Here was my afternoon: open my mail, realize I have $100+ doctor bill I need to pay thanks to my crappy insurance I now have thanks to our crappy state government.  I pay it, try to ignore it, and deal with things I have to do such as grocery shopping.  I spend my next 40 minutes entertaining a toddler, trying to make sure he doesn't crush the eggs, and check off my list of things we need.  I get all the way to the check out line and realize I left my wallet at my computer where I paid said dr bill.  The checkout boy said he would save it for me.  Drive all the way home.  Drive all the way back.  I guess the checkout boy thought I meant it was in my car- not that I needed to go home.  Attempt to grocery shop again.  Jude will have none of it.  Cried the whole way home.

I suppose in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal.  But when it's just you and a toddler, things seem to become a bigger deal.  I don't have anyone to tell about how much it sucks to be able to get nothing done on a Sunday.  My weekends consist of damage control involving laundry and dishes that have piled up during the week.  Somewhere in there I attempt to go grocery shopping.  I've been told things like 'clean one room at a time.  you'll feel better'.  Which makes sense until you realize that even that time does.not.exist.  I barely have time to finish the laundry and kitchen weekly.  Which by the way are still a wreck and half done.  I literally fall in to bed dead tired by 9:00 on Saturday.  It's sometimes earlier than that on weeknights.

I'm constantly caught in this guilt trip of I never get to just hang out with Jude/I need to have a social life/I need to make sure we have chores done.  For the past month, I've been wanting to be able to actually have a weekend where I actually played with Jude.  But that never happens because I'm stuck in survival mode.  That is my autopilot.  I don't have the energy to just be a fun mom.  And I hate that for him.  That isn't how I envisioned motherhood.  That's not how I envisioned his childhood.  And that hurts.

I don't really have a point, but I will say this.  If you aren't aware of it, single motherhood is one of the toughest jobs there is.  I know people say with their mouths that oh yea I'm sure your job is really tough.  But I don't know how many 'get it'.  It's beyond exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally.  I have no idea how I haven't gone crazy yet except for the grace of God.  One of these days when I'm beyond this stage of my life and have the ability to actually serve others for Christ, I plan on starting with single moms.  I think a lot of single mom tears fall at His feet on a regular basis.  I know mine do.  So all that to say, I've seen things on the internet about paying it forward and stuff like that.  If you are interested in that.  Start with a single mom.  I think they get overlooked.  Or maybe there's too many of us.

Steppin Out

Friday I stepped out to a murder mystery dinner with some friends.  I didn't really go to solve any crime or gather any clues, although ironically, I did solve it.  I just went because it was a stinkin good excuse to dress up like anything I wanted.

Last Friday at school, we had 80s day, which was all together awesome.  My principal kept joking about how me as an 80s girl looks surprisingly not too unlike my everyday outfit.  I can't help that I rock the legwarmers on a regular basis :)  I try not to discriminate against any decade during the week.  You only live once- why look like everyone else.

Anyway, this murder mystery was a good excuse to dress up 80s again.  Although this time I channeled more of the Joan Jett side with my jacket.  I think my favorite part was that I named myself "Jesse's Girl".  Because, obviously, how can you not sing along to that song.

On me: jacket, go gos shirt, skirt- Target.  legwarmers, H&M.  lace gloves/headband- shirt thrifted and cut up.  rosary- canton flea market.  shoes- thrifted.

Teachers- We Inspire

I wore my hair like this Monday, as well as today.  Apparently, I inspired one of my students to kick it hippie style.  Can I just get a shout out for how awesome kids are and how awesome teaching is?

Also, today I had my observation.  Some comments that were made include, "Excuse me teacher, by there is something wrong with my tummy.  It feels very alone."  And then when we were using thermometers to study the temperature of ice, a student hollers out "Are those filled with blood?"

I just looked at my assistant principal and smiled.  I wanted to say welcome to my world, because this is the most unusual group of students ever. 

In other news, at the beginning of the year, I had only 7 kids on grade level for reading.  I had 12 below level.  I officially now have only 6 below level and 12 on level!!!!  I am celebrating!!!

on Health and Wellness and Tea

Health and Wellness is one of my favorite topics as of late.  The hippie in me has always been on the organic, natural, trust your body, love the earth bandwagon.  Here lately though I have really been going full throttle.

I was blessed with low blood sugar which can cause a whole range of fun side effects.  I'm sure that's where the 'must watch what i eat' kick started.  I've never dieted, and am mostly satisfied with my body (considering I've had a kid...) but I do believe that it is wise to fill your body with good fuel.  I've already posted about my resolutions, but I just am really excited about a couple things I've got going on lately.

1- I have completely detoxed myself from depending on coffee in the morning.  I just can't believe the jitters from too much caffeine are ok.  Today I just spent some time buying an assortment of energizing teas for the morning, as well as relaxing teas for the evening.  Isn't it amazing how God designed the world to naturally combat diseases, bring us peace, bring us energy?  I don't know why we 'reinvent the wheel' all the time, considering the original creator. 

2- I have finally gotten ahold of organic chicken!  Have I ever mentioned how much I love Kroger?  They really have a good, reasonably priced organic section-- as far as organics go.  

3- My raw food diet is changing.  I am now going to be focusing on consuming only raw veggies, meat, and dairy products.  My blood sugar has gone crazy lately.  I don't know if it's the stress of my life or what, but some serious changes are necessary.  Hello sugar free!  So I am doing my best to limit all grains and fruits, except as 'treats' or just a serving of grains a day.  My grocery basket looked interesting today since it was all meat and veggies.  I am going to have to get creative, but I'm really excited about doing what's right for my health.

4- And you know what I would love to find- Christian Yoga.  I love yoga as an exercise, but would love the meditative side focused on Christ.  I haven't found one in Denton, but hopefully soon.

5- I am looking in to essential oils.  I picked up some lavender this week, but I need to learn how to use it.  Basically, I need natural destressers.

Anyway, I just want to say that change is exciting, and making decisions that I believe are right for myself and my family is so empowering.  I never thought it would be such a 'hobby', but it really kind of is.

And on that note, I will leave you with thinking about how much of a dork I really am :)

New Year? Thank goodness!

2010 was the hardest year of my life.  2011 found me putting all these war torn pieces back together.  I don't know what 2012 has in store, but compared to the last 2 years of my life, it has to basically rock.

Things that rocked about 2011:
* I broke free from a lot of hurt/guilt/past that has held me back for years.  I cannot describe to you the power that comes from realizing that God really can satisfy all your emotional needs.  But he can.  This year I've come to know God intimately as Healer and Lover of My Soul.  Being able to say that is so huge for me, because for the longest time I've depended on other peoples opinions to satisfy me, especially significant others opinions.  Now, I really just care about God's opinion.  While relationships are great and I am in no way saying I don't want a relationship, I do know I don't need one.  I am content whether single or married.
* And I am free from the mind warp that came from past relationships.  Now, I can be chewed out by my ex, but it doesn't affect how I think about myself.  I have been emotionally and mentally healed by God.  I can tell the truths from lies.  I'm not saying that when I get text after text it doesn't bother me or that the voice of lies doesn't threaten to come up and say I'm not worth it.  It does, but Satan's voice isn't very loud anymore.  And it takes one scripture quote to shut him up.  hallelujah!
* I have really found my way back to myself.  I've always been something of a free spirit.  I like to live in the moment, as much as is possible as a responsible adult anyway.  I am seeing beauty in each moment again.  It's so amazing.
* 2 year olds rock.  Jude turning 2 has been such a blessing and huge huge joy!
* I am teaching 2nd grade again!  Love that grade!  With a pretty rockin team!
* My sister moved to Dallas!
* I went to a Texas Tech football game!
* I have enjoyed VICs with my lovely Lee crew!
* I have enjoyed Fusion stuff with my DBC crew!

Overall despite the pain, 2011 left me in a good spot, and I am looking forward to seeing where 2012 takes me.  But if it takes me nowhere, that's ok too.  Because whether I stay or whether I go, I know God's got me there for a reason.

My goals this year:

* continue eating as many raw foods as possible.  This has really done wonders for my energy level and my psyche.  I am honestly a happier, more relaxed person.  It's so much easier to choose joy when you've eaten healthy.  I'm not kidding.  Raw food is equal to zoloft in my opinion.
* continue to purge my house of 'bad' products.  Meaning I'm giving up a whole lot of shopping to buy real, organic food, and also to buy all soaps and cleaners that are environmentally friendly.  Specifically, no sulfates.
* Recycling and reusing- I am going to be better about taking my reusable grocery bags!  I am terrible about forgetting them in.my.car!  I'm also going to be taking more recycling to my school.  Aubrey doesn't have city recycling (boo).  But I can take it to school which is awesome because a) I am recylcying and b) it helps my school get money.  Also, I am working on using very few ziploc bags.  Did you know there are 20 million ziploc baggies thrown away daily!!!  You can buy reusable bags at the container store that are bpa free (ziploc is not) and you can reuse them easily.  Plus, they are cute.
* Choosing joy, living in the moment, and being better about letting the free spirit side of me that likes to dance like no ones watching out.  Because life is short, and why not?