"The thistle is a prickly flower, aye, but how it is sweetly worn."

Monday, April 9, 2012

Silver Bracelets on Her Wrists and Flowers in Her Hair

Here's something I struggle with.  Wanting to fly away....

I don't expect anyone reading this to get what I'm saying.  Because anytime I've explained this need aloud to someone, it is not understood.  It's not the kind of fly away because life is too stressful or general unhappiness about a situation.  I love so much about my life.  

Yet every spring, I am filled with this need to fly.  I just want to dance in field in a flowy dress and breathe in the fresh air and feel free.  This emotion takes over me every spring.  It is when I feel my most hippie-ish.  It's frustrating though, because I feel so trapped this time of year.  Trapped indoors.  Trapped by schedules.  Trapped by the exhaustion of the end of the year.  

I've always been a free spirit.  I've always marched to my own beat, followed my own way whether it was cool or not.  There's so much that's great about it.  The being able to find joy in things easily.  General self entertainment.  Confidence that you are being true to yourself.  And there's so much that's hard about it.  I feel like I experience things a little too intensely at times.  And I get a little too claustrophobic socially speaking.  Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming on the inside because I'm around too many people who are the same and no one gets what I'm saying.  And the times like now when I just want to run run run and live freely with no address and no ties and just strap Jude on my back and see where the road takes me.  Wanderlust, gypsy soul, free bird, whatever you want to call it, it has ahold of my spirit right now.  

In high school, these moments always took me to the river.  Our house was a couple blocks from the Mississippi.  There was something so calming about watching boats float down to far away places.  Or imagining I could just get on a raft like Huck Finn and float away for awhile.  In North Texas, we have our oceans of prairie grasses this time of year.  And oh how I'd give anything to run through them and pick every wild flower and fall asleep in the sweet smell of warm grass while staring up at the stars.  No roof needed.

I have no idea if this makes any sense.  I just know my skin is itching to just have the time to live.  I figured if I could write it down, I could find a way to go-do-see-be.  And still manage to find a way to be the responsible adult I am supposed to be.  Anyone know of any good places to just go live for awhile.

Guns Up!  Wreck Em Tech!


Socrates said...

I hear Rome is nice. Or you could simply imagine the journey to the extent your mind believes it to be true. If that were the case, would you be dreaming or awake?

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