Psalms 98:1 - Sing to the Lord a new song....
I read this song this morning. The word new stuck out to me more than it ever has. I think specifically the psalm is referencing salvation and the new life/new song. Although, from what I've seen about the Christian life, and really life in general, there are lots of moments of salvation along the way, lots of moments of new songs. There may only be one salvation that results in your salvation from hell, but there are countless moments where God comes in and saves your from the wrong person, the wrong decision, the wrong path. Those moments deserve a new song as much as your initial salvation experience. I think those moments are what keep us so joyful through our walk. Those are the moments that speak so loudly to the world.
2 years ago, I began a new song in my life. One of singleness and motherhood and the scarlet letter D. Because let's face it, there's a stigma within the church and divorce. So many assume you don't have Biblical reasons for it. Then, in my case, when they do realize you have Biblical reasons, you get pity- not acceptance. I don't know which is worse.
In the midst of that confusion, God led me to sing my new song at a new church. It was wonderful for me to be accepted by the staff who knew my story and encouraged me as I worked through that. I am forever grateful.
As time has gone on though, I've become myself again. I'm free spirited, unable to be boxed. I long for freedom and creativity. I don't see the world through the usual eyes people seem to have. I don't really fit in in the world of polos and perfectly matched outfits. I find myself singing my new song of freedom, of art, of truly being myself. And I'm realizing that despite my almost 28 years of life, I'm just not a mainstream kind of girl- Christian or otherwise.
This has always been my struggle. If you know me at all, you know that I struggled with accepting Christ because of one reason: Christians. I've never hated one group of people more. In the end, it was never the Christians that won me over to their side. It was simply Christ with all of His amazing love for me for who I was. I was blown away that he didn't see me as someone to label or someone to pity or someone to hold at an arms length. He embraced me. Eventually, I just couldn't run from a love like that. And oh how it has been worth it since that day I surrendered.
Since that day I have tried and tried to find my place in the church. I don't think that ever happened until I found the church I went to my last year of college/early marriage. It was a church full of creative, realistic people who were just as comfortable building a relationship with the world as with Christians. But in the midst of divorce, I needed something so different. I found what I needed, and it was great.
But I'm feeling again like God is leading me to sing a new song. I want to be around creative Christians again. Creative people just see things differently. That's why they make such amazing paintings and write such complex and compelling s]music. They think outside the box, and as a result they can understand opinions and thoughts from wherever they originate or from whoever they originate. I need that. My soul needs that.
I don't know where God is leading me. Maybe it won't end up being anywhere. But he is giving me this strong desire to be around people who actually "get" people. Who don't see lost people as problems to solved, brokenness to be fixed, or the helpless to be pitied. They just see people. They recognize they too are people. That they have everything in the world in common with everyone because humanity is the only thread that matters and it binds us all.
So with that said, I know God is leading me toward another chapter, another new song. If you read this, please pray that I have the wisdom and discernment to recognize His guidance and will. Pray that I will love all people, even when they make me feel like I don't fit in the right box. Pray that the Lord fulfills this need for creativity and fills me with joy and a new song at his power and love. And if you in any way relate to the need for more creativity within the church, please contact me. I'd love to sit down and have a cup of coffee and good chat with you.