Things I Love

I love looking over the side of Jude's crib on Saturday and Sunday mornings. The second he sees me he breaks in to a fit of giggles. 7:30am on a Saturday never looked so good!

The Path Toward Rolling continues

Jude is now moving totally to one side consistently during his play time. Naturally, he didn't do as much of it when I was video-ing.

He also is trying to roll from tummy to back, but typically this looks like a caterpillar inching its way around. He shoves his butt up in the air and tries to move somewhere.

I can't wait for the day when he catches us both by surprise and actually does it.

Video 1

Video 2

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Video 4

Good Taste Baby

Jude has this fisher price little rocker guitar. It plays 3 songs: Message in a Bottle, Love Shack and ABC 123. His favorite is ABC 123. This makes me happy.

Our little boy is going to have good taste in music. I knew he didn't come out with rockstar hair for nothing!

4 month check up

Jude had his 4 month check up today. Once again, the doctor said he was doing really well. Last time he was in the 50% for everything, but this time he was in the 30-45%. It seems like he is in something new every time we go. He grew an inch and a quarter and is now 241/4 inches. (35%). He gained 2 lbs and is now 13 lbs 10 oz. (30%). His head is 161/2 inches and 45%. By the way, what is the point of the head measurement? Does it mean his brain is growing?

We skipped the vaccinations again. Here s one of my posts on why. We will start them when he's 3 most likely. We have a lot of peace about this decision. Plus, it's always nice to find more reasons why we belong in a great hippie city like Denton. Jk- that would be a ridiculous reason to not vaccinate. Incidentally, since choosing vaccination delay, I've heard a good bit about it, as well as discovered some blogs about it. Nice to know we aren't alone.

We were glad to hear that he is doing excellent with his motor skills and is even above par for sleeping at night. Apparently most don't start sleeping but 4-5 hours at 4-6 months. Yay for Jude for sleeping 4-5 hours at 1 month. He's now up to 7-8 hours at night with occasionally stretching it to 9-10 hours. I'm hoping the 9-10 hour stretch becomes more frequent.

We were given the go ahead for rice cereal, but we think we are going to wait until 5 months. The doctor said it really doesn't affect sleeping through the night, so who cares. I'm slightly hesitant to add solid feedings when I don't have to due to milk supply. With working, I really don't get to maintain my nursing schedule like I would like. So far I have been really blessed with a steady, productive supply. I don't want to jeopardize that just yet. If I don't have to, why bother. Plus, the longer I nurse him the longer he eats for free. We spend so much on this kid, I'll take free any way I can get. Anyway, we'll probably start rice cereal with him around 5 months. Not anything crazy. We're just going to wait a little bit to make sure he really is ready for it.

Anyway, we don't go back to the doctor (hopefully) until April 19th. Until then, we are going to enjoy this beautiful baby who's goofy personality is coming out more and more, enjoying how much he can play now, and wondering when he's going to actually roll over.

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Putting in to Perspective

I put Jude in this same outfit today and remembered how he wore it November 19th, the day he turned 1 month. I decided to do a look back to remember how much he's grown.

Look how long the pants are, and how baggy!

Actually what really stood out to me is how short Jude's hair was. I mean, yea, he had a lot of hair even then, but now it's so long! I feel like any day now I'm going to have to either take my 4 month old to get his hair cut or put it in a ponytail. What the heck!

My baby is growing growing growing.

Things I Love

Things I Love:

* The sound of my husband and son playing together. Michael making silly baby noises. Jude squealing in delight.

Things I Want to Remember

Things I want to Remember:

* The way Jude stretches when he's done eating. Then he looks at me with his groggy eyes, and once it registers where he is, he smiles the most content smile.

Sometimes he seems so big....

We were the first in my circle of friends to have a baby. Since January, I've known several friends who've given birth. Jude is 3-4 months older than all these new babies, all boys actually. It's amazing how tiny all these new babies look. I know Jude was once that size, but it is just so hard to wrap my mind around. He's grown so much that it's hard to fathom my baby being that little.

This saddens me. Like all of a sudden my little baby's not so little anymore. And he's growing so rapidly before my eyes that I am forgetting all these moments and how little he once was. Could there be anything sadder than not remembering your baby clearly. All my memories seem to blur together in this continuum of Jude's babyhood. Yet, I know that each moment is so uniquely unlike any other or any other point in his life. I mean honestly, he changes by the week, day even. These fleeting moments are so precious because he is only just like that for such a short little time.

Multiply this realization with the fact that I'm working, and you have the recipe for some tears. It's the end of February practically and this whole working thing is just not getting any easier for me. In fact it might be getting worse. I'm not sure how many more mornings I'm going to cry on my way out the door (usually late). The whole day I'm plagued by thoughts about all I'm missing. I'm so unbelievably jealous of my babysitter because she spends as much awake time with Jude as I do. Maybe more.

I know there is nothing honorable in this revelation, but honesty and confession is part of a Christian's life. The truth is I'm fighting with the seed of bitterness. Not at God or Michael or myself really, just in general. I feel like any day now I'm going to be overcome with the 'why me's?' That kind of thinking won't get me anywhere, obviously, but it is becoming harder and harder to silence within me.

My quiet time's in the morning are generally centered on dear God, please change this somehow. Either, help Michael get a job which eliminates the need for mine, or make me content and happy with where I am. Then I fight the fact that I don't want to be content. I don't want to be content to be away from Jude for 8 hours a day. That would make me feel like a heartless mom.

I try to tell myself that in a couple years it'll happen. That works for 3 seconds before I remember that I will still have missed Jude's infancy and most of his toddlerhood. Sure, I will be there for everything with the next child maybe, but what about Jude. That changes nothing with him. And I'm right back where I started.

So I'm trying to focus on the fact that it may not be what I want long term, but I have a really great job situation for a mom. I usually can leave work by 3:30 and am home by 4:00. That gives me 4-5 hours at night with Jude. Plus, I have plenty of vacation time. We close during inclement weather. And the best part is the summer break. Most jobs just get the 2 weeks sick and vacation leave total, if you're lucky. Teaching is a great job for moms.

But it's still really hard on me. So all that to say, I could really use some prayer if you can spare one, because this whole thing is just so hard. Words of encouragement are welcome too!

30 seconds of cute

Four Months Old

Jude Dylan is 4 months old today! I really cannot believe I've been a month for 1/3 of a year. Biggest changes this month are just in his strength and coordination. He's getting close to rolling over I think, like I posted yesterday. He wants to do it so bad. I am linking a video where you can see his attempts. He was pretty tired though, so he wasn't super active. You can see him thinking about how he is going to get his toy, which is pretty interesting.

He also seems to be teething. He wants to attack anything he can get his mouth on these days. He threw a fit last night because his teething ring wasn't cold anymore. Pretty suspicious behavior. Tonight, in the tub, he was trying to eat my hand. I was letting him for a little bit, until I realize it hurt! He wasn't just lightly chewing my hand, he was chomping down. At one point, I actually made a yelp sound. The poor thing looked at me with the saddest face like "oh no, I didn't mean to."

Sleep wise, Jude is getting much better. He only wakes up one time at night, which he's been doing for awhile. He is still pushing the time back though. I think we are almost officially in the wake at 5:00 range, although he still has his wake at 3:30 moments on occasion. A typical nights sleep includes eating at 8 and going straight to sleep. He wakes up at 5:00 and eats, then usually plays until he puts himself back to sleep. He finally wakes between 7:30 and 8:00 for the day.

He has his nighttime routine down to a science at this point. He takes his bath at 7:30. He eats at 8:00. He's in bed by 8:30. We started working with him on a nighttime routine when he was 4 weeks old I think. The original goal was just to help him know the difference between night and day. That routine was the best thing we ever did for him. It's amazing because he knows it's time for bed once we start the bath. He plays and enjoys himself in the tub, but he knows once those jammies come on, it's time to eat and go to bed. We never have any trouble with it at all.

Jude is still doing great with breastfeeding, and it really makes me happy to know we've been successful with it for 4 months so far. He eats about 6-7 times a day usually. I think he would only eat 5-6 times a day if I was at home. He seems to like to eat once I get home for comfort reasons. He eats about 5 ounces per feeding I believe, although he spits up lots of it. It doesn't seem to affect him much because he's a strong little guy.

He's extremely happy and easy still. He is laughing from the moment we peek over the side of his bed to get him up in the morning. It's pretty weird having a baby that wakes up this happy. I don't wake up that happy even now.

Jude has his 4 month appointment on Monday afternoon. I really look forward to these just to see how much he's grown. There are supposed to be some shots he gets again at this visit, but we are still going to delay vaccinating until he's at least 3 years old. The more I get to know his personality and realize just what a special baby he is, the more I cannot imagine risking the destruction of that with vaccines.

Jude is such a delight and a blessing. I have so much fun with him! Here are a couple videos of Jude on his 4month birthday:

Playing on the floor- PS I sound like a total idiot with my baby talk voice

Playing in the bouncer

Want to remember Jude through the months? Here's some month by month links to Jude.

* Birth

* One month- this post amuses me because I was so excited for Jude to sleep 4-5 hours at night. Makes his 6-8 hour stretch amazing.

* Two months

* Three months

A Rolling Progession

Jude is getting even closer to rolling over than he was a week ago. He really seems like he's about to do it. He'll be all the way on his side for a few seconds, then he'll rock back to the starting position. Bummer. He wants those toys so badly!

Here you can see him using his arm and foot as leverage.

Mid roll- coming towards me.

Again using his legs to move over. He seems to have more height on this one.

He was having so much fun playing with me.

Rolling towards me again- and super excited about it.

More side rolling.

He really seems like he's so close. He's progressed so much from the last post on this. He'll be 4 months old tomorrow, and I'm feeling like he'll be able to roll over for sure in the next couple weeks. We'll see.

I'm so excited for him. He'll feel so powerful when he can roll over and get what he wants!

Why can't everyday be like this?

Oh Jude, how I long to have lazy mornings with you and just enjoy your smiles and giggles...

I have so much fun hanging out with you and dad...

Midweek Blues

We have a working cycle going in our family. Typically the first day or two back is really hard on me because I know it's going to be 5 whole days until I can spend a day with Jude. Jude on the other hand doesn't realize how this schedule works just yet. He usually handles the first day or two fine. Wednesday, he gets the blues though. Wednesday and Thursday I get nothing done because he insists on being held almost constantly. Toys don't interest him. Just me. His evening nap is difficult too. He doesn't want to miss a moment. The only way I can finally succeed in a nap is if he is snuggled right up against me and has both hands wrapped around my fingers. Putting him down when he is finally asleep is another issue all together. He typically wakes after 2 minutes crying like his lonely heart is broken. Could there be anything sadder for a mom? I've started laying him down in our bed on days like these. I know it sounds weird, but I figure being able to smell the sheets is probably comforting. Regardless, it just breaks my heart knowing he probably needs me more than I'm able to be there for him. Talk about guilt....

Teething?

I think Jude may be starting to teethe. I will let you be the judge. Here is my evidence:

1. Current obsession with his teething ring.

2. Current obsession with eating his fist.

3. Several attempts to get the entire thing to fit in his mouth.

4. Lots of drool.

He could be just discovering his mouth to. The thing about being a new mom is I really don't know. Just guessing.

Adventures in Bathtime

This evening my little stinker peed not once, not twice, but three times in the tub! Yes three. No sooner would I get his tub rinsed out when he would pee again. Not to mention the first time he completely drenched his hair. I mean drenched.

Check out that stinker face. He knows he's a stinker.

In the midst of the chaos where I single handedly tried to clean out the baby tub while holding a squirming, wet infant with my other arm, I also managed to completely spray water all over the floor with the shower head. (we have one of those detachable kind)

He thinks peeing over himself is sooo funny.

I didn't realize how bad my aim was in the midst of this circus until I realized that my pants were soaked from kneeling in water....

At least it wasn't pee. Why do these 'adventures' happen when dads are not home?