February Reflections

If you follow me on instagram (@sweetlyworn), you may recall I took off this past Monday.  One of the things I did was pick up a book called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist.  It's been lovely.  I like books of all types- the mindless, the thought provoking, and the debate provoking.  This one is kind of in the middle- easy enough to breeze through but little nuggets to ponder along the way.





Here are some things I'm reflecting on:

Am I proud of the life I'm living?  In some ways.  I'm trying really, really hard.  But one thing I'm learning in this current season is that I'm broken and there is a limit to what I can do.  I can't be everything to everyone.  Sometimes that makes me upset with myself.  I want to please everyone.  But I can't.  I'm extremely thankful for my little tribe of people who expect nothing from me and always offer grace.  What I'm proud of (or really more thankful for) is that despite all the expectations I can't live up to in the world, God sees me as covered, as Christ's beautiful bride.  He gave himself up for me to make me whole.  So while the world may see my humanness and my brokenness right now.  God just sees radiance.  And I love that.

What have I tried this month?  I am excited to say I've been trying a lot!  For all the bone weary day in day out stuff, I come home and try stuff!  So there!  I've taken up paleo- which means nightly adventures for me.  Some are awesome.  Some need tweaking next time.  But I am loving experimenting with food.  I love watching myself develop into a chef, constantly cooking from scratch.  I love smelling these things and watching them unfold into something exciting.  It's like a whole new world of possibility has opened up to me, and it's amazing! 

What am I doing to get out of my routine?  Bridget's bachelorette party!!!!  Insert high kicks!  In case you didn't know, my little brother is getting married this March.  This means two very important things for me.  I get the adventure of going to Charleston, South Carolina this month for a bachelorette party.  And I get an adventure next month for the wedding in Annapolis.  Back to Charleston though... I've never been there.  I'm so excited to see this city of Southern charm!  I'm going to have to reach back into the recesses of my mind (or drink lots of wine since it also brings this out...) for my southern accent.  Because South Carolina, obviously.  And possibly a big hat...  I'm excited for a change of perspective.  A way to take some deep breaths away from the day to day.  And I pray that I return with a new perspective realizing the world is both bigger and smaller than I thought before.  And that God is everywhere, but He's also right here with me.

What have I learned about God this year?  Right now I'm also reading Comforts from the Cross, so I'm learning that Jesus loves me.  Really loves me.  That I don't need to achieve or be anything for him.  He just loves me.  This is important, because I've felt forgotten by God this year.  Now I know in my head and have known all along that isn't true.  My heart has forgotten.  Even today my heart has forgotten.  This school year has been one week of tears after another.  A lot of times I wonder why God why.  Yet God is a God of rebirth.  And labor is hard.  I'm very much feeling that I am in the depths of hell in many ways each day.  But Jesus descended into hell and on the 3rd day he rose from the grave victorious.  So I am hanging on to that promise.  Joy comes in the mourning/morning.  Rebirth and resurrection happen.  As we enter Lent in a few days, there is probably more to ponder about this...
(Side note- it's not all hell.  I have some really great kiddos.)

What brokenness is holding me back?  Emotions.  My emotions hold me captive.  If I am despondent or sad or overwhelmed, I can't break free from that.  I am stuck in that place until something new jolts me out of it.  I'm trying to overcome it, but the truth is, I can't.  The Cross is my only hope there.  I am not a victim of circumstance- I need to take heart because He has overcome the world.  He is good and He does good things in life.  These things are true.  I need to control my thoughts though, because my thoughts are controlled by my emotions.  And my emotions can ruin me.



What do I want more of?  Community.  I need regular rotations with dinner and wine.  But not at restaurants.  Like at houses.  I mean even if it were just once a month.  Maybe it's because I need distractions.  Maybe it's because I've gotten really into cooking lately.  I don't know.  I just want to have people over for dinner more.  I want to work on my hospitality skills, which is somewhat a biblical thing, so it's good for me.  Consider yourself invited.

Thanksgiving Week

Thanksgiving week in pictures:

 Jude and I had some pictures taken for our Christmas cards.  I gave up on having Jimmy take them for me in a cute local.  It has been the rainiest fall here on the weekends.

 We had two Thanksgivings.  On Thanksgiving Day, Jude and I went with Jimmy to his great aunts house.  His grandparents always come up to Ft. Worth for the holidays, so it was nice to get to see them.  This was the first time they had met Jude :)

 We also did a Thanksgiving dinner yesterday (Saturday) with my family.  My {pregnant} sister was very adamant that she needed specific sides and dishes my mom has always made this holiday.  We all worked together to comply.  It was kind of fun though because my sister and I planned a lot of it, and my mom worked with us.  I don't think all 3 of us have ever done Thanksgiving together, so it was fun to think about.  You know those moments where you are like- oh I'm an adult- it was like that.  

Jimmy was actually in charge of the turkey though.  My neighbor recently gave me his old grill which is half propane/ half charcoal smoker.  Jimmy really wanted to try smoking the turkey, and I was more than willing to allow him that priviledge.  He did an amazing job- even waking up at 4:30 to start smoking it.  It had an amazing mequite smoked flavor.  Heavens to Betsy...  And now Jimmy is going to be taking up a smoking habit.  And I am all 'ohmygoshbrisket!!!!'

 In true Rinehart fashion, we ended the day by playing a game of 5 Crowns and Catch Phrase.  Jude hadn't napped all day.  We looked over from our games and saw that he had fallen asleep in the middle of Spiderman.  Such a sweet kid.  He never once complained or cried.

He ended up just taking the perfect cat nap- short enough to allow him to go to sleep easily tonight, and long enough to allow him to regain some energy.  We spent the evening celebrating my dad's birthday and just enjoying our time together.  It was perfect :)

I Wanna Be Like Pops

Last week, Jude and I spent several days with my parents.  We try to go there for a bit at least once a summer.  This year, Jude has gone twice.  It's one of my favorite places.  Not because there is anything particularly special, but because my parents are some of the most unrushed people I know.  Things just always feel so calm and easy there, which I miss in my 'real life'.  Sometimes I think that's really what home is about- this place that seems to make time stand still.  I didn't grow up there, but having my parents there makes it home.

 We spent the days doing not a whole lot more than hanging out by the pool, reading, and cooking dinner.  90% of the time is spent outside.  We eat lunch and dinner outside.  Jude and my mom were always outside when I got up in the morning.  (Cheers to sleeping in btw- thanks mom!)  It's just so pleasant.

My mom is a huge fan of having fruit in the house.  This picture just says it all- laying around outside with fruit.  Just exactly what summer is supposed to look like and taste like.

One thing that Jude has started lately, is differentiating gender.  He loves to point out that I probably like the girl Bubble Guppies the best, but he loves the boys.  Things like that.  Things that show he is identifying with gender differences.

This is pretty normal for this age- at least as far as Freud is concerned.  I keep having flashbacks to my child psychology classes, because Jude is clearly going through his Oedipus complex phase.  In the twisted Freud terms that means Jude is in love with me and so decides to be like a guy because he loves me.  Gross.  In real life terms, it means he is realizing that he is separate and different from me, so he is identifying with the male gender which is like him.  Age appropriate- supposed to happen around 4.  And sorry this is so geeked out, but it fascinates me to watch this unfold quite like I learned about 10 years ago in college.

Anyway, Jude sat in the pool and ate just like Pops (my dad).  After this picture was taken, he decided that orange popsicles were his favorite because they are Pops' favorite.  Jude no longer likes purple popsicles because Pops doesn't like them.  You get the idea.  The cutest though was when we all went to buy my birthday present, which was a tent.  My dad was carrying it through the store perched on his shoulder.  While at the store, we also got Jude a sleeping bag.  And guess how Jude had to carry his sleeping bag?  Perched on top of his shoulder just like Pops.  What a little man!  The cutest.  I apologize profusely for not taking a picture.  :(

In other manly events, Jude kept it classy by being shirtless with his pants hanging down and his underwear showing in public.  One night we ate dinner along Lake Houston, which is by my parents house.  They have this mini splash pad in the middle of all these restaurants along the lake.  It's really a fantastic setting.  Plus it's free.  Jude enjoyed following the older girl around the most ;)  Those 7 year old girls are pretty awesome in his opinion.

Saturday we did something 'fun' since my dad was off.  We took Jude to the Houston Children's Museum, which was new for him.  At first, I was a little unsure about it because all the areas seemed geared to older kids.  We did finally find the younger kid section though, and it got much better.  As far as exhibits go, I think his fave was the golf balls.  Basically you roll them over ramps and learn about whatever physics are involved with balls.  My dad was also thrilled.

My mom and I were in the corner with confused looks on our faces.  We do not do physics.  Side note- the issues I had in chemistry and physics and biology in high school were literally ridiculous.  For whatever reason, I managed to always have class with my friend Amy, and we literally ruined every experiment.

* acid burns on a sweater? check
* passed out during a dissection? check
* mouse trap car that didn't move a millimeter? check
* rocket that would not launch? check
* choking on gas because we forgot to turn it off? check

Jude loves science.  All I know is that that is NOT from me!  I digress...

His second favorite thing was this play involving superheroes and a mystery bandit.  He is all over the superheroes these days.  Technically, he doesn't watch these with me, but boys just seem to know this stuff!

At the end, they invite the kids to get on stage with them.  Jude rushed the stage.  He had no inhibitions about dancing and being seen by all.  Again, he did not get this from me.  I am so so shy.  But he loved it- and I love that about him.  He knows no strangers, and immediately embraces everyone.  It's pretty amazing :)

He took a pic with 'Telephone Man' who he is now obsessed with.

As well as some of the 'everyday superheroes' from the play.  Yea!  Overall, it was just a wonderful, relaxing long weekend.  I'm already missing my parents and wishing for the ease of life at their house.

Vacation in the Valley

Officially one of my favorite pics of Jude of all time.

Over the July 4th weekend, I got to drive (and drive and drive) to Jimmy's hometown of Los Fresnos, Texas.  For those of you who aren't aware, Texas is basically HUGE.  I live in North Texas, about 30 minutes from the Oklahoma state border.  Jimmy's family lives in South Texas, otherwise known as The Valley, which is about 30 minutes from "The Border" aka Mexico.  So it was like 10+ hours.  But I digress.  We actually took the long way to drop this cutie off at Camp Nanna and Pops for the weekend.  A part of me really wanted to take the little guy, but I thought it would be easier to get to know so many extended relatives without also chasing Jude around.

Jimmy's 'We are in the Valley' excited face

I was probably right because this drive is heckuva long.  Particularly because when you are at that 'dear Lord make this drive end' point you hit King Ranch.  Which is miles of basically flat shrubbiness.  It would be beautiful if you weren't so tired at that point.  (I happen to think the rustic ranch look of Texas is gorgeous).  

Sunset in the Valley

This bookcase and ladder exist in my dreams

The first day we were there, we toured Chachalaca Bend which Jimmy's parents currently own.  A little side note on Jimmy's family and what they do:  They run a missions training school down here which focuses on sending people into unreached places.  By unreached they mean places like Papau New Guinea and other tribal communities or hostile places such as Iran.  Jimmy's parents were actually missionaries for years in PNG among tribes that were only one generation removed from cannibalism.  The stories they have are amazing- but God is more amazing!  I mean.  One of the remote tribes had a 'Noah like flood story'.  And when his dad came to that part of the narrative of the Bible, they knew he was from God because he knew their tribal religion story.  This tribe had never seen a white person before him and his team, much less been filled with Bible stories.  Just amazing.  You should check out his book here and their website here.  And PS the book is endorsed by John Piper- so you know it's legit.  Ok anyway, the ministry recently bought this beautiful birding, wildlife, and bed and breakfast place which they will be using to train missionaries.  I love the idea of these people who are giving up everything spending two years in such a quiet, restful retreat.  It's really beautiful.

Here are a couple of pictures of me and my favorite guy.  His parents house backs up to this lake, which is absolutely beautiful at Sunset.  We tried really hard to manage a 'selfie' with the sunset in the background.  Anyway, I love all the water around Los Fresnos.  Reminds me of how sad it is to be in landlocked NTX.  Also, his great grandmother lives directly across the lake.  And his grandfather lives up the road.  I mean.  Living that close to family is so ideal to me.  If you read my previous post, you know how much I value strong family relationships.  I want to live within a mile of everyone I love :)

Painted toes courtesy my lady date with Tommi, Jimmy's momma.  

The next day Jimmy and I took a little 'alone' time to go to South Padre.  As it turns out, Los Fresnos is literally on the road you take to go to Padre- and its like 20 miles away.  Talk about convenient!  This was my first time to S. Padre.  Growing up in Nola, we always went to Gulf Shores/Pensacola area for beach trips.  Padre was actually amazingly nice.  I know the sand looks brown in the pic, but its not.  That's just the IG filter we used.  It's actually pretty white.  And the water was a pretty blue green color.  Obviously Florida is still bluer, but it was actually really pretty.  I was expecting Galveston.  Padre and Galveston are like apples and oranges.

The best part of this whole day was that Jimmy and I got to talk so much.  It was glorious to tan and lay around and get in the water and all that.  But with being a momma, I just never get so much time to talk to Jimmy.  Yes, we go on dates.  But dates are often 'doing' something.  Not literally laying on towels and just talking.  I learned so much about him.  We talked about so many important life things.  It was so refreshing.  And I love how in those moments you find yourself completely overwhelmed with how much you love the person.  And it's like 24 hours you would have sworn you loved him deeply.  But within those 24 hours your love has grown so immensely, the two seem uncomparable.  Sigh.  Love him.  Love talking to him.

For the most part, we spent time with his family.  I can't fully express the thankfulness I have that I like his family and connect to them so well.  All of the lunches and dinners and pedicures and afternoons spent with Maw maw were such a blessing.  I have always wanted to love the person I'm dating's family.  That's not always a blessing you get.  But seriously, I enjoy hanging out with all of them individually, when they are all together, what have you.  He just has a great family, and I feel so blessed that I get to be a part of their lives now.

Jimmy and his MawMaw.  When Jimmy and I first started dating, he would tell me how he would go watch John Wayne movies all afternoon with his Maw Maw.  And he'd mention things like how he needed to call her.  That's how I knew he was a catch.  Anyway who loves on an older lady is probably gonna be pretty good loving on a younger lady.  And I was right.  But what a blessing seeing the two of them interact.  Yall- I snagged myself a good man.

On the 4th, all the extended family, as well as several workers/teachers/students from the missions school gathered at Jimmy's grandparents house for swimming and food and fireworks.  The fireworks terrified me as usual.  I am still, in fact, a wimp.  The mosquitoes ate me alive.  I am still, in fact, sweet blooded.  But I loved visiting with family and friends.  And just seeing Jimmy interact with everyone.  Especially when Jimmy hogged a 16 day old baby girl.  I mean.  The sweetest.  And I don't think he woulda given her back except that she had a newborn diaper blowout :)  He melts my heart.

Our last night there we went fishing on the Arroyo River.  This was my first time fishing.  Ever.  Pretty crazy considering I grew up in Nola.  But my dad is not a fisher/hunter type, so I just never did.  I actually liked the casting and reeling in part.  I am not yet ready to commit to touching bait or a caught fish.  And I can't even imagine looking at one being skinned.  But I like the act of fishing itself.

Jimmy's adorable niece and nephew.  They were much braver than I was!

Pic 1- Grandpa Tom, Barbie (his sister), and Emily

Pic 2- his mom and Emily

The handsomest Texas boy in the Valley

Fish were caught by all.  All but the drum Barbie caught were thrown back.  I was sad we were going back the next morning and wouldn't be around to enjoy the fish fry with the rest of em.

My new favorite boyfriend's sister.

The first fish I ever caught.  #terrified

Love love love him.

We ended our trip with lunch with his other Grandma in Corpus Christi.  Then we took the Texas Coastal highway up to Houston.  I don't have any more pictures I guess because I was too busy being obsessed with the perfect beauty that was the drive.  I now have a new dream- to move to the Corpus Christi bay area.  I need some salt water in my life.  Also it's literally smack dab in between my parents and Jimmy's parents.

Anyway, it was really awesome.  I loved everything about this trip :)

Family Road Trip

This summer Jude and I went on a little vacation to visit family.  Pretty much every family member I have besides my immediate family lives in either West Virginia or Ohio.  This is one of the sadder things about my life because I have a huge family, but rarely get to see them.

One of my bigger values in life is the belief that family should be close and see each other regularly.  It's not the easiest thing to do, but I think there's a lot of value in living around family as much as is possible.  But alas, when you can't, I reckon it's good to at least go visit every now and then.

Jude absolutely loves West Virginia because of cousins like these 3 up here.  There are actually 3 more kiddos, but I didn't get an entire group shot.  Fail!  I'm pretty proud to say I'm related to all these kids.  They love on my child in ways he will remember for his whole life.  I don't know many 16 yr old girls or 14 and 12 year old boys that get excited about hanging out with their 3 year old cousin from Texas- but these kids do.  They are just all the sweetest bunch in the entire world, and I really wish the distance between us was just not so long.  Jude needs such positive 'cool, big kid' role models in his life!  Dillon, the one in the green, was incredibly patient with the fact that Jude was his shadow.  Jude loves them so, so much!  And of course, I do too :)

After West Virginia, we stopped in Ohio, which was bittersweet.  The last time I was there was for my grandmother's funeral.  It just wasn't the same to be there with her.  We stayed at the farmhouse, which is still in the family.  Every room is so alive with her memories, and yet, she's gone.  So it was a little tearful.  But it was great to take Jude to see rabbits, and cats, and horses, and chickens, and pick raspberries, and wild blackberries, and jump in puddles, and throw rocks into the creek, and walk the dirt road, and in the woods.  It's one of the most beautiful places on earth to me.  And again, I wish we were closer just so I could go wander among the peace and tranquility that is Midwestern farm country. I put all the pictures I took of the farm into a photo book for my dad for Father's Day, which I am embedding instead of uploading.  Enjoy!

Not pictured was all the family coming out to the farm to eat dinner, but also celebrate my birthday.  I don't think I've had a birthday cake with all those folks since seriously like my 1st birthday.  Just never timed that way I guess.  Possibly intentional, because I still get so so shy when people sing me happy birthday :)  But it was the sweetest thing, and just so thoughtful.  I love family!

Click here to view this photo book larger

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How we're doing

Little man has been sick today.  I got him to Kohl's to replace two pairs of shoes, when all his milk came out in the parking lot :/

Then I took him through the Chick Fil A drive through the get orange juice because I mistakenly thought that might help his stomach.  I was wrong.  That completely soaked his car seat.  So I've had to strip that down and wash it.

Not the Monday I had in mind.  But you know what's sweet?  Seeing Jude cuddled up with the baby quilt my Grandma made him.  This week has reminded me intensely of how much I miss her.  I have spent the past week visiting family in West Virginia and Ohio.  (I promise to blog about that later...)  Her old farm house just wasn't the same without her stories and her jokes.

This quilt is made with fabric showing Winnie the Pooh characters catching fireflies.  Jude saw fireflies for the first time this week.  I never realized how perfect that was.  Fireflies are so sentimental for me.  They just remind me of all the is good and pure and magical in the world.

We will be back soon with lots more updates.  But for now we are cuddling and thinking about all that is beautiful in the world.  And wondering how to grasp that magic and bottle it up like a firefly.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my Dad who taught me everything I needed to know in life:

* That Texas really is the best state possible.

* That life is meant to be lived at the beach as many days out of the year as possible.

* That hard work pays off.

* To always buy a used car.

* To think through every decision carefully and logically.

* That rock n roll is meant to be listened to loudly, and preferably with bose speakers.

* That classic rock is always and will always be the best era of music.

* That men are meant to be servants, hard working, patient, and loving.

* That love is an action, not a word.

* That no matter what happens, I will always have superhero who will save my day.

* That I'm worth a 3 hr drive to Waco to help me change my breaks.

* That if possible, you should do it yourself.  This is the first year in my life I've ever had to pay for an oil change.

* To love the woods and the outdoors.

* You're never too old to work on your tan.

* You should start working on your tan at least by March.

* made me the best omelets

* That it is perfectly acceptable to hang squirrel traps from your roof.

* How to use power tools.

* That Mexican food is always the best option, even if it requires a 2 hr drive to get there.

* That baseball is the best sport.

* To never be embarrassed but just dance and go for it.

* That you should always be humble enough to say your sorry.

* To forgive.

* That giving money back to church and charity is not an option.

* For always, always leading by example Dad, thank you.

And thank you for being the best Pops a crazy 3 year old could ask for.  So thankful that God has blessed Jude with you in his life to show him what it means to be a godly man.  There are just some things in this world I can never teach him.  I'm so grateful to know that regardless of what happens to me or in my life, Jude will always have you to depend on.

And to the other men in Jude's life that impact him and show him what it looks like to be a godly man:

Thank you Kunka JoJo for showing him what duty, honor, respect look like.  But also what it looks like to have fun and love the outdoors.  I'm not certain, but I think this was his first tree to climb.  It's fitting that you would help him.  As he gets older, I love thinking about all the wilderness love you could teach him.

To Kunka Bry Bry.  Thanks to you my child knows exactly what football team he will root for for the rest of his life.  Thank you for stepping in almost from the get go with diapers, babysitting, chicken balls, going for rides in baskets.  Jude is so blessed by the way you love on him!  I'm so thankful Megan married you.  Her children will be the luckiest!  Wreck em!

To Jimmy, the best boyfriend ever.  Jude might be starting to love you more than me ;)  I am continually blessed by the way you pour into my child.  You provide me so much needed sanity and just breathers.  But mostly, I love the way you care about him.  And how you legitimately think he's funny. And how you ask about him when you're out of town.  I'm thankful you've come into my life because you model for me daily the virtues I want to teach Jude to be.  You.  Are. The. Kindest!