on how All {really} is Grace

So much on my heart- and where on earth do I begin.  For starters, I recently wrote this post which has been read over 600x.  My blog is very much a small blog read by some of my friends and family.  I might get 100 people to read a post after a few weeks.  Yet, both times I have publicly come out about my personal experience with abortion, the stories get read and read and shared and shared.  My original post has been shared on about 5 different blogs- some personal life blogs and some Christian/theology blogs.  It's pretty mind blowing to think about how the internet can allow a story to spread.  It's even more mind blowing to think that the one thing I would never admit- less than a year ago mind you- is the thing I'm realizing God can most use from me.

Someone left this comment on my ig regarding the post "Sin stays hidden, but God brings redemption for that which is brought to light".

For the past year and some months, I have been trying to live out '1000 gifts' and counting all the ways Grace covers everything around me.  Maybe it was the unfolding of recognizing Grace that made me feel brave enough to say yes I had an abortion in the first place.  I don't know.  I know Grace has changed everything.  Grace is so much deeper than I originally thought.  We all know that it's God's Grace that saves us.  And yet, His Grace goes so much farther than just that one act.  It is constantly taking my shame and transforming it, redeeming it from something hideous to something beautiful.  I would never have imagined that that could be true of abortion, but it is.

Sin led me into premarital sex, an abortion, a bad marriage driven by guilt, emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, emotional trauma, anxiety, and eventually divorce, single parenthood, fear....

Grace took all of those things and produced Jude, my atonement child.  Taught me about love.  Gave me the courage to leave my marriage.  Helped me heal and see that abuse wasn't what I deserved.  Grace gave me the most Christlike servant- boyfriend.  Grace constantly speaks through Jimmy as I learn what it's like to be forgiven, to be served, to be loved, to be held accountable with kindness, to be encouraged.  Sometimes it just truly blows my mind to look at my life from 2007 and my life now in 2013.  There is so little the same about the person I was then and now- much less what my life was made up of then and now.  I'm beyond blessed.

And for what?  I certainly don't deserve it.  I've done it all wrong the first time around.  But oh the deep deep love of Jesus.  He takes all I've done and turns it around to bless me.  And yet also for his glory.  Because it really isn't about me.  These 1000+ gifts aren't because of me at all.  They are about Him.  The ugly becomes the beautiful because His Story is best told through the brokenness and redemption of my story.

Why can my abortion story be read at least 3000 times during this past year?  Because God's Glory shines best through my cracks.  It's an amazing thing.  I'm (in some ways) thankful for all my bad decisions, for all my pain, for all my shame, for all the nights I just wanted to die really.  I'm thankful because I see how God had carried me through all of those darkest moments.  I'm thankful because there is no greater thrill than knowing that God can use me and my story somehow.  I'm thankful because I know God can use a story like mine for greater good in the pro life vs pro choice debate far better than He could had I never made that decision.  I'm not sure what the correct word here is.  I certainly regret my original decision.  Yet, I can see how God sovereignly allowed it so that I could bring His Story out in the open.  1000 gifts.  Maybe not the most beautifully wrapped gifts.  Certainly full of ugly.  But praise God- He transforms the ugly into beautiful every day.

"But Joseph said to then, 'Don't be afraid.  Am I in the place of God?  You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." 

~ Genesis 50:19-20 

(my most favorite voice about God's sovereignty)

Reflections on Grace

I'm sitting here listening to rain softly fall on my window panes, and I'm once again reminded of the good and beauty around me.  I don't have time in real life to sit around and post incessant pictures and blog posts like I want to.  Or I choose not to.  Life has become this amazing, beautiful thing lately.  I am enjoying savoring every moment, drinking it in full.  Who am I these days?

Grace has transformed me from a doer to an acceptor.  I don't feel the need to cross off every single thing on my to do list like I once did.  I feel satisfied that at the end of the day, I have done a job that (albeit imperfectly) was done with my heart focused on Christ and His glory.  I'm content.

Grace has transformed me from rigid to fluid.  I have never really been one to go with the flow in many senses.  I am not one for conflict, but my own personal agenda being messed with used to send me into a tizzy.  And now I just find myself stopping and saying "ok God this is the situation.  You brought this change for a reason.  I don't know why, but help me walk through it."  And those major problems become even smaller than annoyances.

This week I noticed a change in my students- just more off task that normal.  But I reflected and prayed and pondered.  And realized maybe I needed to restep up my number of positive interactions to the same level as the first few weeks of school.  It's an attitude and focus shift that has 100% to do with me- not with my kids.  And when I went to school the next day, I was able to completely return to the blissful joy of teaching with my students.

The past 2 days have been just fantastic.  I feel beyond blessed.  Yes, my children sometimes act like 6 year olds.  Silly children :)  But grace is always there for me to ask for and then impart to them.  Grace makes all the difference.

It's so interesting, especially being in a school and hearing so many conversations about child behavior, how often we just don't have grace for the child.  We are so egocentric really in our own adult behavior we forget that a child is really just a child.  How short 6 years on this planet really is...  How tiny those little fingers trying to write on the lines really are...  How even at 29 I struggle with impulse control when I want to talk to my neighbor in the middle of church or staff development, and yet I think my kids have lost their minds when they do this same thing... Silly me... I have grace for myself, but can forget to have grace for the little ones.  Or how often I lose the bill I need or my keys or forget to turn off the curling iron or leave my shoes lying in the middle of the floor.  Simple things an adult should be able to handle, yet I do them all the time.  And yet still forget my own imperfections when staring at a little child's messy desk and missing writing paper.  Or how many times I have gone to my team leader to have her restate directions I should probably remember... Yet wonder why on earth my kiddos ask me to repeat directions 5 times in 5 minutes.

Grace.  It really is reality.  How foolish it is for me to forget how my life and existence is completely and entirely wrapped up in His grace and the grace of others.  How can I not share this grace with the least of these.

I have so much right now that I am thankful for.  My time of peace and rest and pure joy continues with each day I spend on my new campus, with my new admin, with my new team.  I am so thankful for all God is going to teach me this year.  I am so thankful for His purpose in my life.  I am so thankful that life really is 1000 gifts that keep on giving.

The Lord always gives me verses for my school year right before I start.  They don't always make sense initially.  Here is what he has given me this year:

Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God's... You will not have to fight this battle.  Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you... Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.  ~ 2 Chronicles 20: 15, 17

I'm not sure what that verse will mean this year.  I do know that for all the 1000 joys of my new school, there is a whole lot to learn.  New school culture.  New perspectives.  New personal dynamics.  New ways of viewing the same expectations.  New grade level.  New standards.  I do find great encouragement knowing that God in His Sovereignty placed me in this exact culture with this exact new set of colleagues and this exact set of children.  And more than anything, I know he did it for my good.  And I know that if God is grace, then all these things that seem hard are really just opportunities for His grace to flow in and His grace to flow out.  Each moment is filled with the holy.

That just blows my mind.  The moment of fear- God's there.  He's holy and good.  And because of His presence- that thing that wants to overwhelm me is actually holy and good.  If only I lock eyes on Him and allow Him to lead.  My heart overflows.  Oh friend, taste and see that the Lord is good.

Blessing Pouring Down like Rain

David and all the Israelites were celebrating with all their might before God, with songs and with harps, lyres, and tambourines, cymbals, and trumpets. ~1 Chronicles 13:8

This verse has changed my life.  It's amazing to me how God can speak so intensely to your heart through sometimes the most normal of verses.  But this verse stopped me.  I had so many thoughts.

* What would it look like to celebrate with all my might before God?
* How excited do I really get about what God is doing in the world around me?
* Do I even have my eyes open to pay attention to what he's doing?
* What must David's heart have been like to be this way?

If there is one word to describe how I imagined David, it was joy.  Joy before the Lord.  Joy of the Lord.  Joy because He's in God's Presence.  Pure joy.  I realized how much expectation I have that joy come because I enjoy my job.  Or joy come because Jude is behaving well.  Or joy because Jimmy and I go on a really great date.  Always conditional.  Conditional joy.  Except the only Biblical condition of joy is God's Presence.

Well that's everywhere.  God is in and within everything.  During every circumstance.  Without condition.  Without exception.  So what am I doing wrong that my joy is based on conditions?

So I began to pray a pretty simple prayer- "Fill me with the Joy of the Lord.  May your Presence be my JOY.  May that be the only condition for my Joy.  May I be as excited over You as David was."

God has answered that prayer!

Almost immediately.  I have only prayed that prayer (daily) for I guess the last 2 or 3 weeks, but I have noticed a Huge difference in my perspective, my attitude, and honestly my discernment and perception of daily occurrences.  I literally feel like I am bubbling over.  The proverbial cup?  It runneth over y'all. I am blown away by the goodness of God, His love for me, and how His Presence and Hand are literally on me and my life!  How did I not see that each second dripped of Him before?  "One thing I do know.  I was blind but now I see!" ~ John 9:25.  I see His hand now- everywhere- all the time!

This has changed everything.  Everything.  I am overcome with my blessings.  I am praying as we speak that the Lord will recall them so I can share some with you.  But believe me, they are beyond count.

Today I went to work up in my new classroom.  I was going back and forth loading and unloading my car.  One of the custodian ladies was in the hall cleaning.  I stopped and chatted with her about being new, having taught in Denton, etc.  Her English wasn't very good, but we were able to get the gist of each other so to speak.  I went on with cleaning my room, and was getting hot, so I wanted to find the coke machine.  She was still in the first grade rooms, so I asked her.  She told me it was really expensive (like $2.50) and so I was just like oh bummer and put my money away.  She went and bought me a bottle of water at Walgreens down the street!  I don't even know where to start with this.  She wouldn't let me pay her back.  She's a custodian.  And an immigrant, so it's not like she has extra money.  I was completely humbled by her kindness.  And all from a 5 minute conversation.  She taught me so much today.  You never know how much the 5 minutes you spend with someone will possibly mean a lot to them.  I was completely blessed by her today.  And judging from the way she hollered down the hall "Ms Ashley, Ms Ashley!  Have a good weekend!" I feel like she was blessed by our conversation somehow too.  Only God could use 5 minutes for His glory!

Or how I signed up for this mug swap I mentioned a few days ago.  There were 800 people who signed up.  And we were randomly assigned.  I didn't give any information about Jude or my marriage or relationship life when I filled out the form.  Just gave some style hints like being eclectic, nature lover, stuff like that.  YET GOD had his hand in the girl whose name I got.  He paired me up with a young, single mom.  A young single mom whose going through a really rough time right now.  A rough road that I've already walked down.  Y'all I can't even wrap my MIND around this.  The odds of this are clearly slim.  But God.  But God works all things according to His will.  And His will is that His hurting children know His love.  His uses us, His body, to reach out.  And He literally handed me this opportunity, against all odds (except there are no odds for God) on a silver platter.  I can't do anything when I think about this except worship God with all my might.  I just can't.  JOY.  Pure Joy.

And so many more.  My new school is so many, many blessings.  Such a positive, excited vibe from everyone.  I'm blessed to form new relationships.  I'm amazingly excited about 1st grade.  I just get this feeling that I'm really going to do well here.  I went to some 1st grade math trainings this week, which were so encouraging.  I feel so much more capable of taking on a new grade.  And I'm excited about it!  And while I was there I learned that another school near me hired a new 1st grade teacher also.  This school was closer to me, and I certainly prayed that a door be open there.  But the door didn't open until after I was at Savannah.  For me this was a gift in two major ways.  One: it confirmed for me that 1st grade is really where God can use me best this year.  Kind of like I would have been in 1st no matter what if that makes sense.  It encouraged me in feeling qualified to be a good first grade teacher.  And it also encouraged me that I was at the right campus.  (at this point, I hadn't gotten up to my school to really meet any team members)  It encouraged me because if I was supposed to be there I would have been.  But I know God.  And I know He has a reason I'm where I am.  It just really made me feel assured of my decision.  

And all this was before I met my amazing team members.  Or learned that the first day back, we break into teams to do a CRAZY town wide scavanger hunt.  Think something you would do with Young Life.  Hilarious.  And this year- costumes are required.  Costumes to do things like have 3 team members take a picture next to a corvette.  Or find an Elvis record.  I can't even wait!  

And then there is the daily miracles of seeing this amazing little boy in my life.  And getting to watch how much Jimmy and Jude love each other.  And how they verbalize it.  I don't have words to describe what it does to my heart to watch their relationship develop.  I really don't think Jimmy could love on Jude much more than if he were his.  What a godly man!  But you know God loves us like that- through taking on loving something that was separate from Him.  

There are everyday miracles.  Everywhere.  All around you.  But the thing is, it's God's hand that you are seeing and feeling and experiencing.  He is so good and loving.  And He's there.  And my heart dances in my chest because I can't quite figure out how to contain HIM and the JOY HE IS.

Linking here today

I Wanna Be Like Pops

Last week, Jude and I spent several days with my parents.  We try to go there for a bit at least once a summer.  This year, Jude has gone twice.  It's one of my favorite places.  Not because there is anything particularly special, but because my parents are some of the most unrushed people I know.  Things just always feel so calm and easy there, which I miss in my 'real life'.  Sometimes I think that's really what home is about- this place that seems to make time stand still.  I didn't grow up there, but having my parents there makes it home.

 We spent the days doing not a whole lot more than hanging out by the pool, reading, and cooking dinner.  90% of the time is spent outside.  We eat lunch and dinner outside.  Jude and my mom were always outside when I got up in the morning.  (Cheers to sleeping in btw- thanks mom!)  It's just so pleasant.

My mom is a huge fan of having fruit in the house.  This picture just says it all- laying around outside with fruit.  Just exactly what summer is supposed to look like and taste like.

One thing that Jude has started lately, is differentiating gender.  He loves to point out that I probably like the girl Bubble Guppies the best, but he loves the boys.  Things like that.  Things that show he is identifying with gender differences.

This is pretty normal for this age- at least as far as Freud is concerned.  I keep having flashbacks to my child psychology classes, because Jude is clearly going through his Oedipus complex phase.  In the twisted Freud terms that means Jude is in love with me and so decides to be like a guy because he loves me.  Gross.  In real life terms, it means he is realizing that he is separate and different from me, so he is identifying with the male gender which is like him.  Age appropriate- supposed to happen around 4.  And sorry this is so geeked out, but it fascinates me to watch this unfold quite like I learned about 10 years ago in college.

Anyway, Jude sat in the pool and ate just like Pops (my dad).  After this picture was taken, he decided that orange popsicles were his favorite because they are Pops' favorite.  Jude no longer likes purple popsicles because Pops doesn't like them.  You get the idea.  The cutest though was when we all went to buy my birthday present, which was a tent.  My dad was carrying it through the store perched on his shoulder.  While at the store, we also got Jude a sleeping bag.  And guess how Jude had to carry his sleeping bag?  Perched on top of his shoulder just like Pops.  What a little man!  The cutest.  I apologize profusely for not taking a picture.  :(

In other manly events, Jude kept it classy by being shirtless with his pants hanging down and his underwear showing in public.  One night we ate dinner along Lake Houston, which is by my parents house.  They have this mini splash pad in the middle of all these restaurants along the lake.  It's really a fantastic setting.  Plus it's free.  Jude enjoyed following the older girl around the most ;)  Those 7 year old girls are pretty awesome in his opinion.

Saturday we did something 'fun' since my dad was off.  We took Jude to the Houston Children's Museum, which was new for him.  At first, I was a little unsure about it because all the areas seemed geared to older kids.  We did finally find the younger kid section though, and it got much better.  As far as exhibits go, I think his fave was the golf balls.  Basically you roll them over ramps and learn about whatever physics are involved with balls.  My dad was also thrilled.

My mom and I were in the corner with confused looks on our faces.  We do not do physics.  Side note- the issues I had in chemistry and physics and biology in high school were literally ridiculous.  For whatever reason, I managed to always have class with my friend Amy, and we literally ruined every experiment.

* acid burns on a sweater? check
* passed out during a dissection? check
* mouse trap car that didn't move a millimeter? check
* rocket that would not launch? check
* choking on gas because we forgot to turn it off? check

Jude loves science.  All I know is that that is NOT from me!  I digress...

His second favorite thing was this play involving superheroes and a mystery bandit.  He is all over the superheroes these days.  Technically, he doesn't watch these with me, but boys just seem to know this stuff!

At the end, they invite the kids to get on stage with them.  Jude rushed the stage.  He had no inhibitions about dancing and being seen by all.  Again, he did not get this from me.  I am so so shy.  But he loved it- and I love that about him.  He knows no strangers, and immediately embraces everyone.  It's pretty amazing :)

He took a pic with 'Telephone Man' who he is now obsessed with.

As well as some of the 'everyday superheroes' from the play.  Yea!  Overall, it was just a wonderful, relaxing long weekend.  I'm already missing my parents and wishing for the ease of life at their house.

Thankful- summer week 2

This week has been difficult.  Not in any specific way.  Just in an annoying way.  In an --of course that would happen now gah can't I just get a minute to think-- kind of way.  I'm about the worst person in the world when it comes to adapting and going with the flow.  I do not do change of plans well.  I'm what you might call 'obsessive compulsive type A'.  Needless to say, I am having to be intentional about trying to be thankful.  Intentional about remembering to breathe.  Intentional about getting out of the house.  Intentional about art journaling, because seriously, that is so good for me.

Getting out of the house is going to be a must for me this summer.  Today I took Jude to the library, which was great.  He picked out books.  Plus, we have the moments of reading them, which gives us intentional activity.  We also went to a friend's house this afternoon which was fun.  Tomorrow I am going Target-ing for trip needs.  Friday I have book club and friends coming over.  Yippee.  I officially am one of those people who needs to get out of the house as often as possible to stay sane.  Bring all your fun summer toddler activities my way people.  For real!

Despite my stir crazy- I have had awesome moments.

Thankful for this past weekend:  Jude was with his dad Saturday night.  And while that ended up being a pretty huge headache, it did afford me some awesome time with Jimmy.  We went boot scootin' (heckyes) in good ole CowTown (Ft. Worth).  And even better Mark Chestnut was playing there that night.  It was a spur of the moment plan, but it was pretty fun to see him.  I have 100% given up on country as of like 2004 when it became riddled with shizzy pop disguised as country.  However, bring me all your fiddle playing/steel guitar picking/90s country.  Love!  To all you other girls in other parts of the world, I am sorry that you do not get to gaze at your man in boots on the regular.  That is a tragedy for so many Americans.  Two stepping makes my life worth living.  And also makes me love Jimmy more and more.

Monday and Tuesday we were greeted with rainy mornings.  Just a little bit of background- Texas has been in a severe drought state for the past 2 years or something.  I live a bit in the country where two lakes happen to somewhat meet up.  In order to get anywhere, I have to cross parts of the lake.  When I first moved here 3.5 years ago, it actually looked like a lake.  At this point, it is literally mostly dry land.  Not-even-joking.  Severe.  I literally pray everytime I go across (which is at least twice daily basically) that God send rain.  He has answered that prayer soooo much! this spring!  And is still answering it!  I have lived in NTX nearly 10 years.  I've never seen a wet June here in my life!  And to top it off our highs are like 88-93.  Also never happened in the 10 years I've been here.  Highs in the summer here range from 95-100 for June and 100-115 through July and August.  I mean I literally am in heaven right now.  I just kind of want to do a thanksgiving dance on my lawn pretty much daily.

 And then I came inside and saw this.  And I died a little bit.  Why yes I would love to watch my toddler cozy up to Sid the Science Kid while it rains outside and I sip my coffee.  Why no I'm not sure I can think of a better way to spend a summer morning.  Thank you Jesus!!!!

Disclaimer:  This cuteness being said, I'm pretty sure the fact that we've had 2 rainy mornings and have been unable to do fun stuff like go to the pool has been a large reason I am going stir crazy.  That in no way makes me unthankful for the rain.  Still praying for more of it!  But it definitely has shown me that on rainy days, I need to plan ways to get up and go!  Or have ingredients on hand to make cookies just in case?  Something!

This picture is just because.  Cutest sleeping kiddo.

Dear Summer

Dear Summer, (but really to the One who created summer)

I love you.  I love the fresh fruit you bring me.  I love the way it excuses my obsession with fruit dip because at least I'm getting all those yummy antioxidants.  I love making iced tea to drink during your warm days.

I love that thanks to you I have time to sit around eating yummy snacks and making silly faces with this guy.  I love that I have the time to also do things like scrub my bathroom in its entirety.  I love how good it feels to work with my muscles, and not just my brain and emotions.

I love that I can enjoy my house and the spaces I've created- not feel like it is just there for me to flop into exhausted at night.

 I love that I get to listen to this sweet boy's creativity as it flows all. day. long.  I miss so much of his personality the other 3 seasons of the year.  Thank you that you exist to help me 'catch up' on who he is.  Thank you that I get to be the one who gets to put him in his bed for naptime (and even sometimes nap with him.)  Thank you that he shares his thinking with me- like how he arranged his Texas Tech hats on his bed just so, because he loves 'Texas'.

Thank you for the time to stop and sit while Jude shows me his 'cool trick' of running around the benches of the table and hopping over the spaces.  Thank you that there are no rules to you and it's ok if I let him stay in his jammies all day and go to Sonic at 3:00 in the afternoon in his slippers.

Thank you for your heat which makes milkshakes reasonable.  Thank you for the best milkshake partner in the world.  Thanks to him, I never waste my cherries anymore :)

Thank you for the time to go through my closet and get rid of 2 boxes full of stuff that I don't need.  It is so nice to see all the extra space in my house and in my closet.  I promise not to use too many of my free days filling it up with new clothes :)

But more than anything, thank you for the thousands of hugs and I love you's I've gotten from this guy the past 4 days.  Thank you that I was there when he wanted to play a game where he ran all the way from the back door into my arms to give me a hug.  Over and over and over again.  Thank you for the way that while he's playing in the pool sometimes he comes over to tell me he loves me.  Thank you that he is so readily able to express his emotions.  Thank you for the way he looks at me from where he is playing with friends just to wave at me with a huge smile.  Thank you for the incredible ways this child loves others.  1000 gifts and so much grace.

Love, 

Ashley

Thankful --- For my time at Lee

 Thankful for coworkers and thoughtful gifts.  And gardening, which is kind of a new obsession.

Thankful for homemade flautas.  

Thankful for little boys who are made of frogs, snails, and puppy dog tails.

My very last 2nd grade class.  

This week marks the end of a very significant period of my life.  I just finished my sixth year of teaching.  Five of those years have been at Lee Elementary.  Loving these kids has been my mission whole heartedly for what feels like my entire adult life.  From the picture, you can't tell how many I have struggled to help them read.  Or how many I have struggled to show them they are valuable.  Or how many of them I have struggled to show them I respect them.  Or how many of them have absolutely broken lives.  So much is behind those smiles.  As their teacher, I've had the priviledge of seeing into their souls on a daily basis.  I pray for them daily, tried to show them Christ's love daily (although I failed at that many times), and taught them as rigorously as I could in hopes they will be prepared for 3rd grade.  Looking back, I can think of 1000 ways I could have done my job better.  But I am 1000% grateful for the grace I know covers them and will carry them on to the next phase of life.  God has consistently refined my character through each of the children who have come through my classroom door the past 6 years.  I think the virtue He has refined the most is patience ;)

Next year, I will be moving on to a different school.  One that is close to my house, where Jude can go to Kinder in a couple years.  I have been on the fence about transferring for years, but just could never leave.  This year I realized I needed to seriously consider it because Kinder is approaching.  It was so hard to leave because I love the missional aspect of working at a school that is something like 90% economically disadvantaged.  I love the challenge and truly feel like that's where God called me.  But I also know that God entrusted a wonderful little boy to me and he is my primary mission.  To be honest, this has taken me awhile to accept.  But as Jude is getting older, I realize how much he needs me to be there to teach him and model godliness.  So I am taking on the mission of really putting Jude as the center of my mission.  

My new school is going to be amazing.  The team members I have met are so friendly and collaborative.  My new admin values both strong relationships among colleagues, but also accountability.  It is such a warm, fun yet focused environment.  I'm not kidding when I say I enjoyed the interview.  I feel so blessed to be able to join the team.  And I am beyond excited to be teaching a new grade next year- 1st grade!!!!  I've never taught 1st, but I cannot wait to really dive into word families and just watching kids go from barely reading to just taking off with their reading.  It's going to be so exciting I think!  God is good :)  

My last day as a 2nd grade teacher at Lee.

My fave team members.  We have taught 2nd together for the past 2 years.  And I've grown so much because of them.  1000 gifts!

In closing, God has blessed me greatly through every teacher and every student at Lee Elementary.  I am so thankful for that experience.  And I will continue to pray daily for all the admin, teachers, and students there.  You all have my heart.

But I am excited because I know that God is going to do great things in my life, and especially Jude's life with this new move.  

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.  To him be the glory forever!

~ Romans 11:36

Thankful- prairie edition

This week has kicked my butt in every way.  For one thing, I finished this book, Cross Cultural Servanthood by Duane Elmer.  I have been doing a missions class at church with some ladies.  This book was perspective changing, and I honestly recommend it to anyone.  It's a pretty easy read and is filled with a lot of personal stories.  But it has changed the way I see people.  And convicted me of how I see people.  As in, I'm wayy more judgemental than I thought I was.  And I'm wayy less humble than I thought I was.  And I have a whooollleee long way to go before I can honestly say I'm as much of a servant as Christ was.  It's been good though because I have really seen how I am evaluating my interactions with people from a new filter- one that really desires to see them from the image of God.  That's been awesome.  I also understand myself more than I did, which is also good.  Just my personality being what it is, and that its ok to be comfortable with the way God made me.  I've always felt like there was something wrong with me because I was quiet.  But this class made me see how being myself can be useful for Christ too.  So I'm thankful for conviction and understanding and growing with community.

I am thankful that I get to watch this kiddo grow.  This week he figured out how to do this jigsaw puzzles by himself.  And he is so excited by this knowledge.  It's been cool because its like he just figured it out overnight.  He has shown almost 0 interest in these before.  It was like this week he just realized 'bam! I can do this'.  And he's been all over it since then.

This week was our annual field trip to Clear Creek Nature Center.  Which basically for our purposes is just a large field.  We study the prairie in Denton ISD during 2nd grade.  As a rather large Laura Ingalls Wilder fan, this is one of my favorite units.  I love being out there for the field trip too.  Is there anything cuter than these little guys drawing their observations.  No.  However, not pictured are my little hoodlums who did anything BUT observe.  If I could just take the studious ones, it'd be fab ;)

Quote of the afternoon belongs to the boy in the distance in the camo shirt.  He told me when he grew up he was going to move to the country and only come into town for bricks.  Why bricks I have no idea.  But I thought it was adorable.  He's actually just a straight up adorable kid though.

Thankful for 2nd grade, the prairie, field trips, and adorable children.  And even the crazies who make me grow in my virtues of patience and grace.

Jude made me this for Mother's Day.  In case you aren't a parent yet, I will just inform you that it is pretty much an instinct to be obsessed with anything that comes home with your child's hand or footprint on it.  This will be saved for all of time.

Thankful that Jude made me a mother.  And that his hands are still adorable and little.

I came home from Clear Creek and put my feet up like so.  Jude ran around the backyard in a t shirt and underwear.  Country boy don't care.  

I am thankful for the cool spring weather.  I am thankful for rest.  I am thankful for my backporch and that I had enough money saved up to get it covered.  I am thankful for porch furniture I can relax on.  I am thankful for Robert Frost books from the library I can read while I am out there.  I am thankful for a root beer from a coworker which I came home and poured over ice cream.  It was divine.

I saw this yesterday on my way to work.  I am thankful for rain.  I am thankful for sunshine.  I am thankful for rainbows.  I am thankful for promises.

Jude and I went on a walk around our lake by our house yesterday.  Actually we kind of ran around it together, which was great for me.  I love being out there, especially in the spring.  The thistles were right on the cusp of blooming.  Actually, I saw some had bloomed today as I was driving.  I will have to get back out there and take some pictures.  In case you didn't figure it out, that's my favorite flower.

I am thankful for thistles.  I am thankful for wide open spaces and grasses blowing in the wind.  I am thankful for the rustling sound of the grass which sounds exactly like an ocean.  I am thankful for pretty pink prairie primroses.  I am thankful for big trees and little boys.  I am thankful for the number of times Jude told me he loved me while we ran together.  I am thankful for his giggles as we raced.  I am thankful for the way he stopped and held my hand and walked.  I am thankful for the way he was tired and asked me to carry him.  I am thankful for the way he clung to me and snuggled in my arms as I held him.

I am thankful for my secret pal who has seriously spoiled me.  And for the relaxing bath I had last night after a very good, but physically tiring week.  And I plan on having another one tonight :)

What are you thankful for?

A beautiful April- thankful post

It's been awhile since I've done a thankful post.  And these posts date from all through April because of that.  I've gotten way behind with blogging this month because sometimes real life takes precedence.  But just because I haven't blogged it, doesn't mean I'm not thankful for it.  (you should follow me on instagram, because I am always posting my thankfulness there... @thistleashd)

* thankful because Jude is all about going big or going home.  He creates the most elaborate places of relaxation I've ever seen.  His favorite thing in the word is to concoct pirate campouts like you see above.  I wish I could know all that was going through his brain in these instances.  Thankful for his creativity.

* thankful for little boys in cowboy boots.  Enough said.

* thankful that still today his feet are little and cute and smell sweet.

* thankful for bluebonnets.  Texas has a lot of wonderful things you just can't help but fall in love with. I love farms probably more than anything.  And that flat, prairie land up there?  Oh it makes my heart go pitter patter.  In my dream world, I live on a farm.  Just preferably one that has more water :)

* Denton Arts and Jazz Fest- which is literally my favorite holiday.  I have gone every year since I discovered its greatness with a friend back in college.  It's basically a hidden gem here in North Texas.  Full of *free* concerts and the quirkiest people imaginable.  I can't imagine anything better to do on a Saturday night than sit with my guy under an oak tree listening to music.  Seriously.  Perfect.

* relaxing on a Sunday afternoon, feet up.  with my room actually CLEAN

* this face.  It was actually cold this morning so Jude and I took the blankets out onto the loveseat and sat under them.  It was cloudy and cool and we were snuggling outside.  And his face- oh my gosh!

* a new windchime for the porch.  although it doesn't ring at all that i've heard.  it looks pretty :)

* This happened today.  Jude played in the sprinklers in the back, naked.  He also informed me that he peed out there.  I think his precise words were 'I left my pee out there'.  It was warm and lovely and he's 3 so why not.  nevermind tomorrow the high is like 55 or something.  Today, we embraced spring and played in the water.

* thankful for long blonde goldilocks and long lashes

These posts are my favorite to do.  The reflecting on how blessed I am never fails to nourish my soul.  So good to remember the beauty in life!