On Sundays

 I recently read that sometimes you need to just schedule time to create, show up at that time, and see what happens.  I have waited around for the last decade seeing if inspiration would show up, and between the last 10 years of pregnancy, diapers, coloring outside the lines, homeschooling *shockingly* that inspiration never came or I was too tired to acknowledge it.

So I am starting a new thing- Blogging on Sundays.  Maybe I will be inspired.  Maybe I won't.  But I am going to try to show up anyway.  I probably won't post many of these "officially" on fb which is the only social media platform I even attempt to use anymore, but it's fine.  I'm showing up.  For nothing else but to continue doing something I used to love.

I recently posted about how I thought I changed a lot more than I have over the years.  And going to California taught me I was really just the old me with a Texas coating.  Like an old house and you find out it has some really vintage wallpaper behind the paint.  I still don't have any idea what that means for life when you live where you live.  But at least I can admit it to myself now.

I've been mourning the loss of what was, acknowledging what is, and trying to find out what my place is in its midst.  California was a spiritual awakening for me.  I was so undistracted for the first time, probably in a decade, that I heard God so much more clearly than I had in certain ways.  I saw so many hearts on fire for Jesus from so many different walks of life, viewing certain verses somewhat differently than I do, yet The Spirit was still there in our midst.  It was a powerful lesson on the importance of looking for where the Spirit is for there is where Life and Truth are.  And not looking at the rules people follow.  That's not necessarily where the Spirit is.  (To be fair there Are some very real important truths that require true faith, but most of what we major on are not those important truths.)  The Lord really shattered my perspective, shifted my values, and upended my own Christian posts.  I have to confess that I valued some things more than I needed.  

The tricky part to both of these facets- both realizing I am still a New Orleans girl living in Texas and that I am more interested in where the Spirit is moving than I am in doctrinal nuances- is that coming home feels confusing.  What do I even do with myself now that I am back home?  To everyone around me I look the same more or less, but I'm just not.  My entire way of viewing the world has really shifted.  

One thing I did learn very deeply through California due to just the lack of uniform living situations is "Be Here Now".  And this statement is profound in the manner of ways it can be applied.  But one way is that I have learned I don't actually have to understand today how I fit back into the world around me. Being here now lets me wait until God shows me what to do next.  If He hasn't shown me something to do, it's not really in my control anyway, so just be here now.  Be who I am, but be it here, now.

So for now this looks like acknowledging that our family schedule changed, so we go to a different church on Sundays because it better fits the kids schedule, we get to go with Jude, etc.  It means we go to our regular church on Wednesday because that still works for our schedule.  And it doens't have to look pretty or make sense yet.  It will in time.

Today its early-mid August and we are going to rest and go to work and do school and celebrate Lily Fay's birthday and just generally live life as authentically as we can while we are here now.