On attachment parenting

Many of you have seen the time article featuring the mom nursing her 3 year old.  I'm not going to get in to whether or not that shot was appropriate.  It was marketing.  It sells.

Regardless, I am going to take a minute and talk about attachment parenting and why for some people, it works.  I would say that my own style is moderately attachment based.  I never set out to be an attachment parent.  I can't even say I researched parenting styles- ever.  It's just what worked for me, it worked for Jude, and that's good enough for me.  As time has gone on though, I've realized 'oh I guess thats me' since so many of the attachment things I did.

The most controversial of attachment beliefs is the breastfeeding.  And this is the one thing I'm the most passionate about.  Not because there are so many formula fed babies out there.  Just because there are so many moms who are completely ignorant of how to prepare your body to nurse, what it takes to sustain nursing, and why nursing and formula are not comparable.  If you research breastfeeding vs formula and still decide to formula feed, I can respect that decision.  But if you formula feed without researching what you're doing, I'm sorry, I think you should rethink that.  It's just like politics.  Don't pick a side until you've researched it.  So with that in mind, how many people turned up their noses at the idea of breastfeeding a toddler had actually researched extended breastfeeding.  Probably not many.

I'm not going to tell you why I believe in extended breastfeeding right now.  Or why I am proud of the fact I breastfed Jude for 17 months (while dealing with being a single mom and going through a pretty gruesome divorce and working 40+ hours a week and still being in charge of the house and dinner and laundry.  Don't ever tell me you're too busy to nurse.  I won't buy it.)  But I am going to hook you up with some sweet research.

* The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding exclusively until 6 months, while still breastfeeding along with solids until 2 years old. 
---- http://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/

* The American Pediatric Association recommends breastfeeding a minimum of 1 year.  Which means we can infer going longer is preferable.
---- http://www2.aap.org/breastfeeding/

* Notice the bottom that says the longer you breastfeed the lower your risk of breast cancer.  Get on that platform Susan G. Komen....
--- http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12133652

* The best way to prevent food and skin allergies is to breastfeed
---- http://health.usnews.com/usnews/health/healthday/080107/breast-feeding-seems-to-protect-against-some-allergies.htm

* Formula leads to diabetes risk
---- http://diabetes.diabetesjournals.org/content/48/7/1389




That can get you started.  I was trying to find one I read about an enzyme that appears in breastmilk around 6 months that coats the baby's intestines with this protective film.  They think this helps prevent food allergies.  I mean God designed this perfectly for the baby.  Perfectly.  Only he knew that they would need this at the time solids are introduced.  Sovereign.  There are countless articles on how perfectly designed breast milk is for a baby.  It's beyond me why people don't realize that God made us a certain way for a reason.

And finally, my other soapbox.  Now there is no support scientifically for breastfeeding a 3 year old and I get that.  However, I'm not going to make judgements on what works for them.  I will say this though.  We need to stop being so uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding.  It's not gross.  It's beautiful.  It was designed by the Creator.  There is something beautiful about a mom continuously selflessly giving of herself to her child.  And isn't that what Christ did for us.  Here is my body broken for you that you may have life.  That's what breastfeeding moms do every day- many times a day.  That's true, godly love the way it was designed to be.  Women who are breastfeeding shouldn't have to feel they need to hide under a blanket or in a corner.  It's something beautiful and something to admire and something to be proud of.  Motherhood is an amazing testament to sacrificial love.  Instead of judging and being uncomfortable, respect it.  That mom is doing a selfless, beautiful thing.

Weekend Thoughts

This week- has been quite a week.  I went to study the prairie with my kiddos.  The good news is there were loads of Indian blankets and butterflies.  It was beautiful.  (I have loads of pics on facebook.  Or you can follow me on instagram at thistleashd.  Or you can follow me on twitter also at thistleashd)  More good news- I managed to only get one chigger bite.  The bad news one of my kids got dehydrated, which was beyond scary.  All the more reason to thank your local firemen who come to rescue of little 8 year olds and freaked out teachers.  Then, that evening I got some disturbing news which just made me further rethink ever dating again.  Why are there so many sketchy guys in the world?  Beyond me.

Tuesday- I realized my facebook account had yet again been hacked by craziest ex girlfriend of my ex husband.  Does anyone have a good explanation for some girl who signs into my facebook account to randomly friend my ex's friends and send them friend requests on my behalf?  I'd love to hear it.  Weird is all I've come up with.  I put my facebook on lockdown.  And used an email that is federally offensive to hack.  Boom shaquita!  I spent some time with some good friends.  Not much to complain about there.  Except that in the end of my night a friend once again went off about his love for me.  It's not as sweet or cute as you might imagine.  It's mainly just frustrating.  And so complicated I can't begin to understand or explain it.  Which made me think I should start dating soon.  Ha- jk.  But it would make it easier for him to keep his thoughts in line I think.

Wednesday- I spent my time dealing with and working through all these emotions.  The stress, the disappointment in people.  It was raw and it was real and it was part of life.  But you know what I love about when my emotions are the most raw- how much I crave God then.  I know people like to complain about how we never crave God when it's good.  I see their point.  But I also love knowing that in the times of disappointment, God never disappoints.  Amazing considering how often I disappoint.

Thursday- I spent time dealing with explaining things to my parents.  Who I are always ready to give me another perspective on my life and the random issues it brings.  Plus, I met a friend at Wine2 and then saw a local production of Fiddler on the Roof!  Winning!  (ps I'm sorry but I love using that word. Thank you Courtney from the Bachelor.)

Friday- Today was field day.  Damani made a rap about it.  He also made a rap about Mother's Day on Thursday.  Someone please tell me where I will find another student who makes up raps for me on a regular basis?!?!?!  Best year ever?  Kind of.  I finished my kids reading levels for the year.  I only have   2 at risk.  3 progressing and 15 on or above level.  Which is definitely higher than last year.  Also, considering some of these came in reading at a K level, progress was definitely made!  Praise God!

Quotes of the week:

* Momma, you a princess?  (based off a dress I wore)

* Let me read you a famous book

And my favorite "I lub you momma"

Things I'm pondering:

* politics- why do I strongly disagree with every candidate?  What is the real call of a Christian in a political world?  How do you best take a stand for Christ while loving the world as you're called to?  Why are so many Christians unable to take a stand where the guidelines are clear?  Why do some Christians turn guidelines into battle grounds when love is also so clear?

* life- what do I really want out of it?  What does God really want me to be doing?  I'm really feeling like I'm getting to the place that I really want to move forward.  I'm finding all my fears ebbing, which can only  be an act of the Holy Spirit.  And so the natural next question is where from here?  This is more just exciting, because I know God has great things in store.  I just don't know what to do next.

* motherhood- why is single motherhood so hard?  I am really struggling to find the right balance between my role for Jude and my role for myself.

* the end of the school year- I will never get it all done.  Good gosh.

* Ecclesiastes- what is the 'time' for my life right now?  I think it's a time to try to find God's path, and time to seek peace, and a time to trust.  As always, anxiety gets the best of me sometimes.

So all in all it's been a time for reflection this week.  I think I'm realizing that I need to walk forward in faith without being afraid to leave some people or things behind.  This is true is so many ways.  It's a time for a new path though.  Only God know where that will lead.

As always, if you read this, I covet your prayers- for my wisdom, for peace, for patience...

Sort Of

This week has been one of those weeks where nothing I do seems to be right.  To anyone.  I suppose this is normal, but it's been so hard.  And so in so many ways this is my song this week, especially the "if I was stronger" part.  

I don't feel very strong this week.  I feel like I'm very ungrounded and carried about by the wind.  The wind can be both refreshing and frightening.  The Christian life is very much meant to be lived as one blown by the wind of the Holy Spirit.  God's plans sometimes feel so unpredictable, and to say that it's an easy, predictable ride is a lie.  But there's so much freedom in that lack of knowledge.  Maybe it's just my inner bohemian talking, but I love the idea of not knowing what tomorrow holds.  Who am I going to meet?  What am I going to do?  Where will I end up?  Tethered to Christ, the wind can take me anywhere without fear.

On the flip side, wind can also cause hurricane or tornado like damage.  Without a firm foundation, life can pick you up and carry you so far away you wonder who you are and what you've become.  You can't recognize your own character anymore.  I've been there before.  Being there led me to Christ.

The crazy thing about this week (and it's only Wednesday) is that I feel like I've been in both places.  This week I've done some interesting things and met some interesting people.  And I know those are only because God has a hold of my string and I am the kite flying high under His provision.  My kite has come close to some things that aren't that great, but I haven't worried because I know who holds the string.  Ya know.  

And I've also felt like the hurricane.  Because sometimes it's easy to get distracted by other things.  To forget why you've been put in someone's life.  To forget what you are meant to represent to a certain person.  I've let myself down because I wanted to be so much stronger than I ended up being.  I'm sorry for that.  I'm sorry I let myself get carried away.  

In that moment, you realize that only one thing matters and it's the only thing that ever mattered.  Grace.  Praise the Lord for the ability to try again another day.  Grace that has my kite string even if I take the wrong tail wind and nose dive.  Grace that is flying me higher and higher to the places I'm meant to go, no matter what scenic routes I try.  Grace that brings freedom, true freedom.  And for that, I am always and forever thankful.

Denton Arts & Jazz Fest

This weekend was Denton's Arts & Jazz Fest.  It's an awesome event, and definitely one of my favorite things about the city.  Every April the city hosts this free event.  Literally free.  No cover.  (The food however is definitely NOT free...)

So many people come out for it every year with their chairs and their blankets to just enjoy music together.  Most of the groups have a jazz focus.  I can't say I know much about jazz or listen to it regularly, but I can appreciate pretty much any type of music.

Festivals of this kind are harder with a baby, less so with a 2 year old.  I planned ahead which parts I wanted to go to.  Jude and I went to see the Inner City All Stars- which has always been my favorite act.  They've been there every time I've gone, and this has been like 2005.  (which makes me feel sooo old).  They remind me of New Orleans.  They're style of Jazz is more that street style you find there that gets the crowd involved and makes you actually want to dance.  Groove might be the better word.

Jude and I watched that show together.  Jude did plenty of dancing and entertaining the ladies behind us.  We ate our picnic dinner I packed.  Rather, I ate it.  Jude played.  A friend of mind came and hung out with me as their set ended, so I got to have some quality adult conversation.

Then we watched some of Chris Watson.  We didn't stay but for a couple of songs because it was after 8, etc, etc.  However, I wished my dad had been with me for that show, because it was heavily southern rock influenced.  Sounds of my childhood :)  Jude loved them.  He turned all the cups into his drums and pounded away.  Definitely more of a rock child I guess.  He loves his drums and guitars.

Overall, it was just a great time.  The Jazz Fest is one of those things that just makes me feel alive.  You're surrounded by so many people just there to appreciate good music.  So many different types of people.  And you just sit and enjoy life.  There's nothing better than that in my opinion.

If you are in Denton and you don't go sit and enjoy a show at the Jazz Fest, you are really missing out.  Denton is one of the best small towns in the world in my opinion, and this Festival is one of the many reasons.  They are still having shows today.  Go if you can.

On the Church and the World

Psalms 98:1 - Sing to the Lord a new song....

I read this song this morning.  The word new stuck out to me more than it ever has.  I think specifically the psalm is referencing salvation and the new life/new song.  Although, from what I've seen about the Christian life, and really life in general, there are lots of moments of salvation along the way, lots of moments of new songs.  There may only be one salvation that results in your salvation from hell, but there are countless moments where God comes in and saves your from the wrong person, the wrong decision, the wrong path.  Those moments deserve a new song as much as your initial salvation experience.  I think those moments are what keep us so joyful through our walk.  Those are the moments that speak so loudly to the world.

2 years ago, I began a new song in my life.  One of singleness and motherhood and the scarlet letter D. Because let's face it, there's a stigma within the church and divorce.  So many assume you don't have Biblical reasons for it.  Then, in my case, when they do realize you have Biblical reasons, you get pity- not acceptance.  I don't know which is worse.

In the midst of that confusion, God led me to sing my new song at a new church.  It was wonderful for me to be accepted by the staff who knew my story and encouraged me as I worked through that.  I am forever grateful.  

As time has gone on though, I've become myself again.  I'm free spirited, unable to be boxed.  I long for freedom and creativity.  I don't see the world through the usual eyes people seem to have.  I don't really fit in in the world of polos and perfectly matched outfits.  I find myself singing my new song of freedom, of art, of truly being myself.  And I'm realizing that despite my almost 28 years of life, I'm just not a mainstream kind of girl- Christian or otherwise.  

This has always been my struggle.  If you know me at all, you know that I struggled with accepting Christ because of one reason: Christians. I've never hated one group of people more.  In the end, it was never the Christians that won me over to their side.  It was simply Christ with all of His amazing love for me for who I was.  I was blown away that he didn't see me as someone to label or someone to pity or someone to hold at an arms length.  He embraced me.  Eventually, I just couldn't run from a love like that.  And oh how it has been worth it since that day I surrendered.

Since that day I have tried and tried to find my place in the church.  I don't think that ever happened until I found the church I went to my last year of college/early marriage.  It was a church full of creative, realistic people who were just as comfortable building a relationship with the world as with Christians.  But in the midst of divorce, I needed something so different.  I found what I needed, and it was great.

But I'm feeling again like God is leading me to sing a new song.  I want to be around creative Christians again.  Creative people just see things differently.  That's why they make such amazing paintings and write such complex and compelling s]music.  They think outside the box, and as a result they can understand opinions and thoughts from wherever they originate or from whoever they originate.  I need that.  My soul needs that.

I don't know where God is leading me.  Maybe it won't end up being anywhere.  But he is giving me this strong desire to be around people who actually "get" people.  Who don't see lost people as problems to solved, brokenness to be fixed, or the helpless to be pitied.  They just see people.  They recognize they too are people.  That they have everything in the world in common with everyone because humanity is the only thread that matters and it binds us all.

So with that said, I know God is leading me toward another chapter, another new song.  If you read this, please pray that I have the wisdom and discernment to recognize His guidance and will.  Pray that I will love all people, even when they make me feel like I don't fit in the right box.  Pray that the Lord fulfills this need for creativity and fills me with joy and a new song at his power and love.  And if you in any way relate to the need for more creativity within the church, please contact me.  I'd love to sit down and have a cup of coffee and good chat with you.

~ Thistle

I got my Paxton dude!!

Yesterday, Jude and I went to ride the train in Grapevine.  Every year they turn the train in to a Thomas the Train.  There are lots of other events.  We took a special momma boy date to go take a ride.  It was a lovely spring day- great for a walk down Main Street and to the train station.

We hung out with some friends of mine who live down from Main Street beforehand.  I don't see them enough, but they are the loveliest family.  And some of the angels in disguise God sent me in the midst of divorce.

We got to the station in enough time to get our tickets and get in line to board the train without being at the end of the line.  Perfect timing.  Jude was mesmerized by the whole thing.  He didn't have much to say, but he contentedly stared out the window.  It was mostly a really pretty ride through the Texas prairies.  I don't know if it's because of my obsession with Little House on the Prairie as a kid or that we spent 7 weeks teaching about the prairie in second grade, but I feel so alive when I see prairie grasses blowing in the spring.  So lovely.

After the ride, we tried to do some of the other things they had for the kids.  There are tons of events, but Jude was too tired.  Most resulted in tears.  So we got a Salty the train tattoo, bought a new train named Paxton, and called it a day.

This morning right after Jude woke up he told.  "I got my Paxton.  I got my Paxton dude!"  So all in all it was a great day!

Silver Bracelets on Her Wrists and Flowers in Her Hair

Here's something I struggle with.  Wanting to fly away....

I don't expect anyone reading this to get what I'm saying.  Because anytime I've explained this need aloud to someone, it is not understood.  It's not the kind of fly away because life is too stressful or general unhappiness about a situation.  I love so much about my life.  

Yet every spring, I am filled with this need to fly.  I just want to dance in field in a flowy dress and breathe in the fresh air and feel free.  This emotion takes over me every spring.  It is when I feel my most hippie-ish.  It's frustrating though, because I feel so trapped this time of year.  Trapped indoors.  Trapped by schedules.  Trapped by the exhaustion of the end of the year.  

I've always been a free spirit.  I've always marched to my own beat, followed my own way whether it was cool or not.  There's so much that's great about it.  The being able to find joy in things easily.  General self entertainment.  Confidence that you are being true to yourself.  And there's so much that's hard about it.  I feel like I experience things a little too intensely at times.  And I get a little too claustrophobic socially speaking.  Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming on the inside because I'm around too many people who are the same and no one gets what I'm saying.  And the times like now when I just want to run run run and live freely with no address and no ties and just strap Jude on my back and see where the road takes me.  Wanderlust, gypsy soul, free bird, whatever you want to call it, it has ahold of my spirit right now.  

In high school, these moments always took me to the river.  Our house was a couple blocks from the Mississippi.  There was something so calming about watching boats float down to far away places.  Or imagining I could just get on a raft like Huck Finn and float away for awhile.  In North Texas, we have our oceans of prairie grasses this time of year.  And oh how I'd give anything to run through them and pick every wild flower and fall asleep in the sweet smell of warm grass while staring up at the stars.  No roof needed.

I have no idea if this makes any sense.  I just know my skin is itching to just have the time to live.  I figured if I could write it down, I could find a way to go-do-see-be.  And still manage to find a way to be the responsible adult I am supposed to be.  Anyone know of any good places to just go live for awhile.

Guns Up!  Wreck Em Tech!