Sort Of

This week has been one of those weeks where nothing I do seems to be right.  To anyone.  I suppose this is normal, but it's been so hard.  And so in so many ways this is my song this week, especially the "if I was stronger" part.  

I don't feel very strong this week.  I feel like I'm very ungrounded and carried about by the wind.  The wind can be both refreshing and frightening.  The Christian life is very much meant to be lived as one blown by the wind of the Holy Spirit.  God's plans sometimes feel so unpredictable, and to say that it's an easy, predictable ride is a lie.  But there's so much freedom in that lack of knowledge.  Maybe it's just my inner bohemian talking, but I love the idea of not knowing what tomorrow holds.  Who am I going to meet?  What am I going to do?  Where will I end up?  Tethered to Christ, the wind can take me anywhere without fear.

On the flip side, wind can also cause hurricane or tornado like damage.  Without a firm foundation, life can pick you up and carry you so far away you wonder who you are and what you've become.  You can't recognize your own character anymore.  I've been there before.  Being there led me to Christ.

The crazy thing about this week (and it's only Wednesday) is that I feel like I've been in both places.  This week I've done some interesting things and met some interesting people.  And I know those are only because God has a hold of my string and I am the kite flying high under His provision.  My kite has come close to some things that aren't that great, but I haven't worried because I know who holds the string.  Ya know.  

And I've also felt like the hurricane.  Because sometimes it's easy to get distracted by other things.  To forget why you've been put in someone's life.  To forget what you are meant to represent to a certain person.  I've let myself down because I wanted to be so much stronger than I ended up being.  I'm sorry for that.  I'm sorry I let myself get carried away.  

In that moment, you realize that only one thing matters and it's the only thing that ever mattered.  Grace.  Praise the Lord for the ability to try again another day.  Grace that has my kite string even if I take the wrong tail wind and nose dive.  Grace that is flying me higher and higher to the places I'm meant to go, no matter what scenic routes I try.  Grace that brings freedom, true freedom.  And for that, I am always and forever thankful.