Baby Cakes

 A few weeks ago, I posted online about "Baby Cakes makes 5".  I was 14 weeks pregnant and had just finally gotten a sono of our little one done.  It was a precious sono because the baby was kicking so happily and moving that sweet hand up by his mouth.  It was an amazing moment seeing him move about on screen after what has been a bit of a trying pregnancy.

You see, the insurance issues with this pregnancy have been unreal.  To be honest, they only just ended a few days ago due to the insurance company getting my birthdate wrong and apparently, having an entire 30 days to get it corrected.  Insane.  Add to that the unbelievable, never-ending nausea that has accompanied this pregnancy, and it's just been more trying than some others.  Especially when it took 14 weeks to get to the sono.  In retrospect I am so thankful we didn't see him until 14 weeks because the image of his happy little self has sustained me.

By the grace of God, the receptionist at my ob pulled some strings and got me into the Dr despite the incorrect birthdate.  She is an angel, truly.  Even still, I didn't get into the Dr for the first time until 16 weeks.  I had a quick sono, checked the heartbeat, determined the due date, which they dated as March 14, and headed down for bloodwork.  

A week later, I went in for another appointment, more of a checkup of sorts because it had been over a year since I had been there.  At the end the Dr, sat down with me to tell me the bloodwork came back with markers for Down Syndrome.  In the office, it wasn't nearly as shocking as it was when I got to my car.  Or when I got home and told Jimmy.  In some ways, it didn't shock me because I am older and risks just increase.  And in others you just can't really be prepared for the unexpected.  

Even now, do I understand how I feel?  Not really.  It's mostly just an opportunity for prayer.  We won't know for sure until he's born.  There is a test we can do, but it isn't without risks, so not worth it in my opinion.  We will be meeting with a maternal fetal specialist soon for an in depth sono.  I'm praying lots of things.  Praying for a fully regular set of chromosomes for this baby.  Praying for no internal organ malfunctions for this baby.  Praying for best case scenarios.  Praying for the peace and grace to walk through the next 5 months of the unknown.  Praying for the grace to handle the unexpected in the future.  

But mostly, just remembering that Even If (as Habbakkuk prays), I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.  I know The Lord enough to know He isn't failing me now, has never failed me before, and my future is good.  This baby's future is good.  He has walked with me through abortion, divorce, the abandonment of so many friends, the fear of my ex taking Jude, the struggle with a job I hated, the struggle with panic attacks and anxiety, and unbelievable sadness over some things in Jimmy's life.  And yet every single one of those situations turned around miraculously, beautifully, immeasurably more than I could have ever thought or imagined.  So I KNOW that this will be the same.  For that I praise the Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and maker of our little baby boy, Theordore Fisher, our little "gift of God" and in honor of my great grandfather whose memory is never shared without fondly talking about how jolly he was and always whistling or singing.  He was the happiest baby on the sono, and I believe he will be a JOY.