Pushing back the hindrances

Lately.  Lately I am realizing that this year has a calling much higher than I originally anticipated.  I'm seeing that God had far bigger purposes for my life right now.  Actually, I thought I was going to take the year off from learning any spiritual lessons.  Ha.  Haha.  God is far too faithful to let me just maintain my status quo.  I should have known that.

It's amazing to me how God works.  I've had a very 'flavorful' life in regards to lessons learned.  You would think I would have seen a lot, learned a lot, and be shocked by little.  Nope- not true at all.  I'm continually surprised and stunned by the new heights He calls me too.  I can't believe how 'unstretched' I currently am for this new place.  I guess more than surprising, though, is how humbling it is.

I thought I knew so much, had so much figured out.  Truth is, I have so much to learn, so much to understand.  So much pride has been uncovered.  And with that comes a multitude of other things.  I didn't realize this closet existed.  It was too far back in the recesses of my soul I guess.  God's cleaning it out.  It's messy.

But it's beautiful.  I know He is able to do immeasurably more in me than I expect.  (Eph 3:20)  I know that He's faithful to complete the work He started in me.  (Phil 1:6)  He's doing a lot of work in me.  It hurts.  I'm feeling emotions I really haven't felt- probably in 15 years.  {and of course this emotion would have been clouded by teenage absurdity back then- so in many ways this emotion is straight up new to me}  I haven't the slightest idea how God is going to use this in me personally, other than making me more like Christ.  Really, though, being Christlike is all I want.

I do have hope, though, that my current suffering will have eternal good for the world around me.  I see how I am being separated out.  I see the contrast it creates around me.  I see the incompatibility of myself with the world.  While that is really hard, and not something I've experienced, I believe with all my heart that it is a divinely ordained purpose.  I have hope and groan in anticipation of the day the ground is done shaking and new levels of glory are revealed.  I am praying for that.  I hope you pray for it too as you read this.

But more than anything, I am praying I run in a way that is worthy.  It is so scary to attempt to run a race that everyone is watching, and watching to see how you run and whether or not you will fall.  Of course, the reality is that I will fall.  Plenty of times.  As evidenced by my prideful sins, I have a long way to go to be really Christlike.  I am so thankful for His grace which covers each of those mistakes.

As I set new paces in the various areas of my life, I pray I may "forget what is behind (especially how I've failed or am hurt) and strain on toward what is ahead (being more like Christ- showing who He is), I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" - Philippians 3:13-14.  I feel like I'm daily beating myself into submission with the Word.  It's just not easy.  But praise Jesus that "my light and momentary troubles are achieving an eternal glory for me".  Here's to looking heavenward- pushing back all the things that want to cloud my vision from seeing His face- and being the Light in a very dark world.