Eucharisteo.... and back to school

One of my favorite things about summer is easily the ability to read, read, read without much interruption.  While I do read lots of silly, 'frivolous' books, I mainly focus on reading books I can learn from.  For no other reason than that is what interests me.  I feel like my relationship with God grows so much during the summer because I have so much time to devote to Him.  That is the hardest part about back to school for me.  (That and missing Jude so much I cry.)  It's kind of like youth camp as a kid and returning from that.  There is nothing more satisfying to me that pouring myself into that.

I read a book this summer called "1000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  (here)  It was one of the best books I've ever read, and I plan on starting it again soon.  It's that good.  It's a beautiful, albeit raw and real, story of someone's struggle to see God's grace in the everyday ugly beautiful as she so accurately calls it.  It is so easy to get caught up in the to do's and the stress of every day life.  And so she started numbering the little gifts of everyday life.

For example :  Yesterday I ended up stuck in traffic for awhile trying to get to Target.  But it gave Jude some extra time to nap- a gift. Grace.  Ugly-beautiful.  And a moment to pause and worship the God who is there and ever present in my life in even the smallest of things.  She often refers to the word 'eucharisteo' which is a Greek word literally meaning to give thanks, but coming from root words for grace and joy.  And so the challenge is to see God's grace in ALL things, the respond with thanks, and thus be filled with joy.

As I embark on a new school year, this is my mantra.  The reality with a job like teaching is that I am working with a bunch of little humans raised by humans.  There's some ugly moments.  Kids make mistakes.  They choose not to listen.  They learn your buttons and try to push them.  They deal with things at home I can only try to imagine, but they come to school with the full weight of those burdens on them.  While most of the time their reactions to those burdens are both not directed at me nor in my control, it can be emotionally taxing.  Seeing the darkness in a child's life as you make cps referral after referral makes finding joy seem impossible.  You can feel surrounded by the ugly.

BUT GOD is in the midst of those ugly circumstances.  The moments I want to pull my hair out.  Or cry.  Or run out of the building to never return.  Eucharisteo.  Those moments, I know, are full of beauty if I only open my eyes to it.  God has a plan for me and all these 18+ children that is full of hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).  I'm challenging myself to really count the gifts in the midst of these everyday moments with my kids.  To see even the difficult as beautiful, worthy of being thankful for, to find joy in.  Joy is contagious, and what better thing to pass to my children than joy in the everyday.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

On a side note- if you are ever going about your day and prompted to think of all the teachers and students, pray diligently for them.  I know I long to be covered in 1000 prayers every second of the day.

Jude Says...

Me: Jude can I have some bedtime kisses?

Jude: Mmmm someday. (very matter of factly)

He then leaned over and gave me one.  Clearly he doesn't know the meaning of someday, but it was funny.



I apologize for the fact that this little blog space has turned in to very little Jude and a whole lot of my thoughts on life.  I suppose part of that is I am so much more comfortable with putting myself out there for public viewing as opposed to my kiddo.  He's more fun the more he learns to talk.  I feel like his language exploded this past week when we went to West Virginia to visit family.  There were so many elementary/middle school cousins who Jude was completely enthralled with.  He learned so much, including a cat joke, which he has gotten down pretty well.  So cute.  I am trying to get him to cooperate for that one video.  I really want to get better at capturing all these moments because they slip away all too quickly.  Unfortunately, even during the summer I find myself scattered and tired and ending the day looking around wondering what in the world I did all day.

Anyway, Jude is growing up to be a real sweet heart.  I am often amazed at the amount of grace God has given Jude, and really me.  He is so easy.  Tantrums are pretty much nonexistent.  When he tests limits, I just have to say go to time out and he walks himself over there.  Easiest kid ever.  I'm pretty sure I've said this, but I really think God has had a lot of mercy on me and the fact that I'm a single mom.  The discipline thing is just too easy for there to not be a whole lot of divine intervention.  That being said, what I get as grace for difficult behavior, I make up for in sheer insanity.  Jude is one wild kid.  One day I asked him to quiet down for a minute, and he looked at me and said "What? I'm just making noise."  He likes to spell his name for me now.  I've been practicing that with him for who knows how long.  But he just walks about spelling it now.  Pretty exciting- you know, teacher stuff.

Anyway I want to get better about writing the things he's saying down.  Not for anyone.  I just want to remember it.

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Chasing the Fire- Part 1

Jude and I through the looking glass at the Dallas World Aquarium

I am currently reading through Leviticus (just started), Psalms (will be here forever), and finished John today.  Here's what's been really interesting to me- I can make so many "text to text connections" (teacher word) between all 3 texts each day.  And it's kinda so fascinating- I sometimes sneak in an extra set of chapters.  Do you know how crazy it is to think that the Bible is more of a page turner than my New York bestselling novel?  I'm not the 'super Christian' type.  I'm pretty average.  And usually feel pretty steeped in sin.  I say this only to say that anyone can study the Bible and really glean something out of it.  Because it's not about being a super Christian- it's about the Holy Spirit.  He does it, and all of us terrible sinners get to join him for the ride.  #1000 gifts friends, 1000 gifts....

I've got to say Leviticus has been fascinating and convicting.  My heart just doesn't have Jesus on the throne enough.  For a long time my throne was occupied with Michael or someone else.  God removed that idol threw open heart surgery.  And lately I am noticing my idol is trendiness trendiness trendiness. This is driven by a desire to create and recreate.  It's not bad necessarily.  The problem is that it keeps me from having an eternal focus.  And I wonder if it keeps me from hearing God's voice?  

There are two things that have really stuck out to me:

an offering made by fire, an aroma pleasing to the Lord...

This line appears approximately 14 times in 6 chapters.  So given that it is mentioned nearly twice daily in my readings, I've been thinking about it.  In Romans, Paul mentions that our bodies our living sacrifices.  Heard that a million times, but reading through what a sacrifice actually involved is really giving me a fuller understanding.  All these sacrifices were made by fire.  Made by fire.  Looking back, I can think of countless trials in my life.  They have all made me the person I am, for better or worse.  Mostly better, because God has certainly used those more than anything to purify my heart.  Those times where the fire is raging around my life, are the times I am most likely beholding God's face and presence in my life.  Blessed are the persecuted...  And those are the times that my life is an aroma pleasing to the Lord.  Now I am not saying that in the midst of the good times, I am no longer pleasing.  But I will say this, if I am not willingly subjecting myself to the fire of doing more for others than myself or giving more than I spend on myself or being vocal about my faith as opposed to hiding it for popularity's sake, if I am running or hiding from the fire, I might have a problem.  (See the idol on my throne which I am working through...)  No sin is an easy fix, and this is certainly no different.  I am really trying to pray through this and understand what God is saying fully, although I have some ideas.

Here's the other thing:

All the fat is the Lord's - 3:16

There is a good bit mentioned about the fat, although not to the extent of being made by fire.  I am not sure what this means for today, but here are some things I've being playing around with.  (This could be totally wrong, by the way.)  Fat is used to insulate, comfort, protect, add flavor.  It's extra, or as we say in Louisiana, lagniappe.  Thinking in those terms, the fat of my life would be trends, new bands, changing my hair color, shoes, clothes, instagram, fashion blogs...  They add flavor to my life.  They are the little extras that I find interesting and fun.  But they aren't needs.  Those things belong to the Lord first.  None of these things are bad.  I am not saying I needed to be rocking an out of touch with reality look.  In fact, I discourage that, because I think we are supposed to be in the world enough to be able to carry on a normal conversation with anyone of any background/belief/gender/race/sexual orientation/whatever.  But those things should not be what makes me what I am.  I am not of this world.  

But how in the world do I find that balance?  What does a trendy Christian who has surrendered her interests for the sake of Christ look like.  These mainly hold me back in particular area, which I will talk about as God reveals more.  It's kind of hidden in my heart for now.  However, today, what can I do to surrender my love of the trends so that even my love of trends brings Christ glory?

............................................................................................................

I don't know all these answers yet, but here's what I am looking for: ways to chase the fire...  Not the American dream, not my comforts, not myself- not when there is a world out there dying and unreached.  

I have so much to say on this regarding what I've been reading in Psalms and John and Acts... but that will have to wait... 

Please share your thoughts.  I really want this blog to engage me and you in conversation.  I love being challenged and growing from other ideas :)

Pursuing God- My story

For those of you who don't know, I have been a Christian for about 8 years.  Yes, I grew up around it, and while I went through phases of embracing it at times, most of my phases rejected it.  So, in my opinion, it was not until I was 20 that I personally surrendered my life.  And never since that day have I been completely the same.

From the moment I did become a Christian, I have somehow (grace from the Holy Spirit) managed to have a daily quiet time pretty consistently minus weeks of where I'm on vacation or what have you.  And the insanity that is post partum.  

Originally, I have thrown in a devotional book from time to time, but mostly used old Today in the Word copies from my mom (these are mailed to you for free from Moody Bible by the way, and are really fantastic).

However, sometime last year, Tommy Nelson, who's been my pastor for awhile challenged us to be reading 3 chapters of the Bible a day until you read through the Bible.  Repeat cycle throughout your life and hopefully by the time your 40 you should basically know the Bible like the back of your hand.  I was so inspired by this, convicted by this.  I don't know my Bible consecutively like that.  I know some random books.  But not chapter by chapter by chapter.  

And so I started last summer by reading Genesis, Job, and Matthew daily.  My little Today in the Word devotions have mostly fallen to the side, although I do throw those in for a little change up once a week or so.  During the school year, I couldn't keep up with the 3 chapters a day, plus all the journaling of my thoughts and prayers I like to do, plus teaching and being a single mom.  And that is fine.  I switched to a chapter a day.  I haven't given up yet, although it's going to take me years to get through the whole Bible.  The thing is, I'm starting to see that its so worth it.

Currently, I'm at the end of Exodus, the middle of Psalms, and the end of John.  And as I've slowly worked my way through, one thing that is really really sticking out to me is that God actually speaks to me!  I don't need 'help' understanding scriptures because I have the Holy Spirit living in me.  It's just crazy to me how 'alive' Jesus really is within them.  (aside, some months ago I blogged about someone whose story in the Voices of Martyrs convicted me because I realized I didn't recognize how alive Jesus was.  My prayer became that I would see how Jesus is alive in my life.  Prayer- being answered as we speak!)  I'm at the point in Exodus where most of what I am reading is how many cubits tall the tabernacle is etc.  I've never understood the point of these belabored details.  But I have been amazed as I've worked through it at how much there really is to learn.  Namely, God is so sovereign.  God CHOSE people and then ENABLED them with the skills to do this stuff.  Life can seem so daunting when you think of all the things you should be doing.  But you read that and realize God CHOSE me to do something that he is ENABLING me to have the skills to do.  That is God carrying my burdens for me.  That is God walking with me and leading me in all things.  And this is stuff I've learned from the building of the tabernacle!!!

And then recently I read about all the people willingly giving God loads and loads of gold, jewels, etc.  Not because they had to, just wanted to.  That is amazing and convicting.  Especially as an American.  I'm so addicted to fashion blogs and up and coming trends and music and pop culture and changing my hair color and vanity, vanity, vanity.  I've thought a lot about foreign missions here in the last couple of years as I've become obsessed with voices of the martyrs.  And one day, thats pretty much what I want to do.  But the thing that currently freaks me out about it is the loss of personal comfort and all my hobbies (see music and fashion).  I was so convicted of that this week.  But I hope that at least now that I am so strongly aware, at least I can start letting go.

I am currently reading "The Pursuit of God" by Tozer - highly recommend.  Chapter 2 deals with this so specifically.  There were other idols in my life the first 7 years of my Christian walk (another blog for another day), that I completely had the Abraham experience of being asked to put it to death.  Painful, gut wrenching, but I can honestly say I am free from those idols.  (Not that I don't have to continuously keep myself in Christ to avoid those resurfacing or anything...)  It's just crazy because as soon as you realize one is gone, another pops up.  And this I am struggling with now.  Except this time, I want to be willing to surrender it without have to walk the valley until I have no other option to surrender.  Hard to even consider when you have the lifetime American habit of consuming, consuming, consuming....

And so my prayers from those who read is this: that God would make me willing to surrender it all at a moments notice if that was necessary, that I would 'possess nothing' but realize that God is my only possession, and that I would be able to recognize where He wants me to be.  

And my challenge- if you have ever been afraid by the daunting task of reading through the Bible and how the heck you would make it through things like Leviticus- stop! being! afraid!  God really did put those in there for a reason- and you can actually learn so much.  It may just be one line out of the whole chapter- but that line will be powerful!  And honestly the reading through 3 sections is nice because it keeps it fresh :)  Try it!  You will never go back to sheer devotionals again.  Although I do recommend a study Bible to explain some things along the way though :)

And coming soon- I will write about how my Abraham experience, how God had me surrender what I held most on to, and the beauty of letting go and being filled by God....

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Restatement

A couple of months ago I wrote this post.  Yet this week I returned from a trip to see my brother to a stupid comment from some anonymous person.  So whoever you were go back and read that blog.  I'm not interested in your opinions.